Old School Page #8

and now people's lives are ruined.

Ruined? Like, whose life is ruined?

Well, let's see.

Blue's dead.

Frank's divorced.

I've lost my house.

Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass.

And now we got nine kids who are gonna

get expelled from school,

and you're not even gonna

help 'em out.

Is this thing gonna go down smooth or

what? I'm missing 1 8 holes of golf here.

One hundred percent.

I got creative with some of their tests.

It should make for

a very entertaining day.

I'm going to enjoy kicking

these a**holes off campus.

Ditto.

Welcome, everyone, to the official

debate section of the charter review.

Unfortunately,

the captain of the university debate

team had a scheduling conflict. Yeah.

So, we had to bring someone else in

to fill in for this event.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

the co-host of CNN's Crossfire,

famed political consultant,

the Raging Cajun,

Mr. James Carville.

[applause]

- Thank you.

- Don't clap.

Thank you, Dean Pritchard.

It's an honor and pleasure to be here, sir.

Topic number one.

What is your position

on the role of government

in supporting innovation

in the field of biotechnology?

Well, Dean, I'm glad you

asked that question...

I'd like to jump in and take that one,

Jimmy, if you don't mind.

Have at it, hoss.

Why doesn't he wait for an easy one?

Recent research has shown

the empirical evidence

for globalization of

corporate innovation is very limited.

And as a corollary, the market

for technologies is shrinking.

As a world leader,

it is important for America to provide

systematic research grants

for our scientists.

I believe there will always be a need for us

to have a well-articulated innovation policy

with emphasis on

human resource development. Thank you.

[applause]

Where'd that come from?

What happened? I blacked out.

It was awesome.

That was interesting.

Thank you very much.

And your rebuttal,

Mr. Carville?

We have no response.

That was perfect.

That's the way you do it!

That's the way you debate.

Number 1 2.

Which of the following is

a generally accepted graphical technique

for determining first order

system parameters?

Is it, A, Harriot's method

of solving cubics?

B, Pythagorean triplets?

Or C, the migration method of graphing

quadratic functions?

Harriot's method of solving cubics.

The answer is A, Harriot's method

of solving cubics.

Good test.

All right, Frank. Let's do this.

Go Harrison!

# Everybody dance now!

# Everybody dance now!

# Give me the music

# Give me the music

# Everybody dance now!

# Everybody dance now!

- Yes!

- Wow.

[drumming]

Go, Cougars!

[pained screams]

Oh, no!

Help me! Help me!

[laughing]

Dean Pritchard,

can I talk to you for a second?

Megan, I'm a little busy.

I didn't get into

Columbia Law School.

How awful.

You said if I revoked their charter,

you'd get me into Columbia.

You're right, I did say that.

No one at Columbia

has even heard of you.

Oh, Megan.

Look, I did my part.

Now you have to do yours.

- That's how bribes work.

- I know how bribes work.

I bribe people all the time,

but I changed my mind. It's a free country.

Lesson learned.

[banging on locker]

Damn it!

Sorry, guys, I lost my composure out there.

I'm an idiot.

Frankie, don't worry about it.

We'll make those points up, I promise you.

- Your skin's gonna grow back, too.

- [wincing]

I'm sorry.

Okay, how many events

do we actually have left here?

One. Frank's accident

definitely set us back.

But if we pass...

If we pass athletics, we're in.

All right, everybody!

That's what I'm talking about, guys.

We've made a great effort so far.

Let's just keep it up!

That's right! We can't have anyone

freak out out there, okay?

We've got to keep our composure!

We've come too far.

There's too much to lose!

We've got to just keep our composure!

For your final test, I've chosen the men's

gymnastics team's all-around competition.

And participants in the three events

will be chosen at random by me,

right now.

Let's see, rings.

Bernard.

Okay, great.

Floor exercise.

How about Frank? Great.

And for the vault competition,

oh, I don't know...

How about...

- You.

- Me?

Yeah. Is there a problem with that?

[Chariots of Fire theme plays]

I'm still holding.

Still holding!

It's physically impossible.

Don't worry.

Abdul is there to spot you.

We're waiting, gentlemen.

Just hit the board as hard

as you can and shut your eyes.

- You ready?

- Have fun with it.

Go! Come on!

Come on!

[high-pitched scream]

Oh, my God! Yes!

[cheering and whooping]

[congratulating, indistinct]

[Weensie:
] Hey, I did good.

Congratulations, gentlemen.

You put forth quite an effort.

You really did.

But, I'm afraid

I have some bad news for you.

You didn't pass your review.

What are you talking about?

We finished with an 84%.

Yes, you people did finish

with an 84%,

but unfortunately, another pledge of yours

scored a "0" in every category.

What pledge?

A Joseph "Blue" Pulasky.

Hey, man, Blue's dead.

He passed away two weeks ago.

He's listed right here

on your official chapter roster,

and those zeroes drop your average

to a 58%.

Come on, you got to be kidding me.

It's been quite a journey.

You're gonna be all right.

You'll be all right, Frank.

- Come on, now, big cat.

- I have no reason to live.

We're gonna find you

a one-bedroom apartment,

get you back on your feet,

maybe move you in over at Beanie's...

It's not gonna be the same.

Didn't quite work out

for you fellas, did it?

You know what? I recommend

you drive off immediately,

before something

extremely bad happens.

- I'm scared.

- Excuse me, Mitch?

Am I interrupting?

Megan, you are. If you could leave,

it would be tremendous for all of us.

I thought you guys might

find this interesting.

You said if I revoked their charter,

you'd get me into Columbia.

- I did say that.

- Look...

I did my part, now you have to do yours.

That's how bribes work.

I know how bribes work...

You know what?

Just, let me...

Bird-dog him, Frankie!

Coming through!

- Go that way!

- Slow down, man!

Pritchard, hey, it's over.

Hand over the tape. It's over.

It's over, okay?

You know where the rest

of the guys are?

I don't know, we all spread out...

Ow!

What are you doing?

What are you...

Time out. Time out.

[glass shattering]

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Gentlemen...

Oh, God!

Wait, wait, my shoulder.

This man accosted me!

You are all witnesses!

He accosted me!

- Frank!

- [Frank groaning]

Frank, are you okay?

Mitch, I'm so cold.

Come on, big cat.

I think I see Blue.

He looks glorious.

- Stay with me.

- Okay.

I did good.

You did great.

Hi.

Hey! Wow...

How are you?

I'm okay.

You know, I got that apartment.

Good for you. That's great.

And you were right about Mark.

What happened?

Let's just say I caught him red-handed

and it wasn't pretty.

I guess I thought he could change,

you know?

I don't know.

So, you're moving out?

Yeah, I'm moving into a new place,

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