On Golden Pond Page #4

She does too sometimes.

Sometimes I can get into it

and sometimes not.

I think you should know I'm pretty good

at recognizing crap when I hear it.

You know, it's not imperative

that you and I become friends.

But I thought

it would be nice.

I'm sure you're

a very fascinating person...

and I thought it would be

fascinating getting to know you.

That's obviously

not an easy task.

No.

You just go ahead and be...

as poopy as you want,

to quote Chelsea...

and I'll be as receptive

and as pleasant as I can be...

but I want you

to bear one thing in mind...

while you're jerking me around,

making me feel like an a**hole...

I know precisely

what you're up to.

I'll take just

so much of it.

Okay?

Now, what is the bottom line

on this illicit sex question?

Very good.

That was a good speech. Bottom line, huh?

You're a bottom line man.

All right,

here's the bottom line.

Okay.

Hm?

You seem like a nice man.

Bit verbose, but nice.

- Thank you.

- And you're right about me.

- I am fascinating.

- I'm sure you are.

Let's get back to talking about sex.

Anything you want to know, just ask me.

No, I just...

I just wanted to clear up

that little question.

- Chelsea and I can sleep together, right?

- Sure, please do.

Just don't let

Ethel catch ya.

Dad! Dad!

I paddled the canoe!

A canoe. It's a boat,

just like the Indians had.

Actually, the Indians

use a different grade of aluminum.

Yeah. Chelsea wants you

to come down to the lake.

- She and Ethel are goin' skinny-dipping.

- Skinny-dipping?

Go ahead. Permissiveness runs rampant

here on Golden Pond.

- Let's go.

- Yeah.

Oh, are there

any bears around here?

Oh, sure,

black bears and grizzlies.

One came along here last month

and ate an old lesbian.

Dad, come on.

He's just bullshitting you. Come on.

Okay.

- Hey, hey. Where do you think you're going?

- Skinny-dipping with Chelsea.

No, no, you're goin' back inside

and talk to Mr. Thayer.

Bullshit! I'm not goin' in there

with that old turkey. He gives me the creeps.

What if he dies?

If you don't start behaving yourself,

I'm gonna send you right back to your mother.

You understand that?

Is that what you want?

Now go back in there and talk to him.

Maybe you'll learn something.

Go on. Go on.

Remember when

I was nine years old...

and I came down and caught

you and Norman skinny-dipping?

- No, I don't remember.

- Oh, don't you remember?

I had that big light, and I shined it on Norman

on the diving board and he was naked.

He screamed at me. He called me a spy

and sent me to my room for the rest of the year.

Took me so long

to get over that.

It took Norman a long time

before he'd go skinny-dipping again.

He wouldn't even get out of the water

until I went up and made sure you were asleep.

I was so bloody mad at him

for yelling at you...

that I let him float around down here

for an hour or so, freezing to death.

Good!

You goin' skinny-dippin'?

Huh?

- Are you going skinny-dipping?

- Nah. You?

Nah.

I try to be selective about

who I flash in front of.

Oh?

Chelsea says you're

a real heavy-duty fisherman.

She calls you

the old man of the sea.

I've caught a few.

- You fish?

- Nah.

What do you do out there

in California?

I mean, what does

one do for recreation...

when one is 13

and not in school?

We cruise chicks.

- Hmm?

- Cruise chicks.

You know, meet 'em.

Girls.

Try to pick 'em up.

What do you do with 'em

when you have 'em?

Suck face.

I beg your pardon.

You know, kiss.

Suck face. You kiss.

Ever read this book

Treasure Island?

No.

- Go read it.

- Now?

Go on. Take it upstairs. Read the first chapter.

Give me a report in the morning.

I thought you said we were

gonna have a party here though.

I'll call you when the party's

underway, if it ever is. Go on.

Oh. I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Chelsea's still in the water.

You should go on down.

- No one should skinny-dip alone.

- Right.

- Oh...

- Yes?

What is that over there?

That's a lawn chair.

Oh.

- Go on. Right down the path.

- Right.

See ya later.

I thought you'd be nude.

Nope. Sorry.

I didn't want to overwhelm

our guest on his first night.

- He's nice, isn't he?

- Yeah.

- Forty dollars a filling.

- Forty dollars?

- That's enough to keep you off sweets.

- Hey.

He'd be a good catch,

wouldn't he?

- He said they wanted to sleep together.

- Why not? They're big people.

Yeah.

- You and I did, didn't we?

- Did we?

Oh, Norman.

Have you been

picking on him?

Yeah. He finds me

fascinating.

Well, why not?

Norman.

- Norman.

- Hmm?

Chelsea wants us

to do something for her.

She wants to leave Billy here

with us for a month.

- Which Billy?

- Oh!

Billy, Norman,

the little one.

Bill is supposed to have him for the summer,

and the kid would be miserable in Europe.

Bill seems very nice,

and Chels needs someone nice.

Couldn't we do that for her?

What would we do with the boy?

What would I say to him?

You'd think of something.

Let's do it.

Let's say we'll do it...

and give Chelsea

some happiness, yes?

All right.

We'll have a splendid time,

the three of us, won't we?

I don't know.

We might.

You know, Norman...

you really are

the sweetest man in the world...

but I'm the only one

who knows it.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Norman

Happy birthday

To you

And many more

Beautiful.

I suppose you expect me

to sing something now.

Well, I'm not about to.

I've been trying all day

to draw some...

profound conclusions about

living fourscore years.

Haven't thought of anything.

Surprised it got here so fast.

But I'm glad I got to spend

so much time with this beautiful woman.

What's your name again?

I want to thank all of you

for coming all the way here from Disneyland...

to witness

this historic event.

Now that I'm

out of hot air...

I'm gonna need a little assistance

to get these candles out.

Come on, everybody.

Whoo!

- Come on!

- Chicken.

Charlie!

Well, holy MacKanolly.

Look at you!

- Chelsea MacKanelsie!

- Charlie MacKanolly!

Boy, it's good

to see you.

You've held up good.

Thanks.

So have you.

Bill! This is

my old friend, Charlie.

- He's the mailman.

- Hi. How are you?

Hello.

Want a ride?

I'd love one.

Great.

So you actually

deliver the mail in a boat, huh?

What an incredible

tradition.

Oh, Charlie is a legend on this lake.

He gets the mail through

no matter what.

- Isn't that right, Charlie?

- Yeah. Guess so.

Must be a b*tch

in the winter, huh?

Yeah. In the winter

I have a hell of a time.

Course, there's nobody

on the lake to deliver to...

so I get done

a lot faster.

Well, you got a great setup here.

You're a lucky man.

You're a lucky man too.

Yeah, I guess I am.

What do you usually do

at a time like this?

Well, generally,

I just fall into the lake.

Just...

Whoa! Oh!

- Here, let me get...

- No!

All right, come on, Dad.

Big rolls here. You can beat him.

- All right.

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