On ne choisit pas sa famille Page #4

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Not even a couch!

How do we sleep tonight?

Me on the floor. You on the bed.

Fine with me. You smoke a pipe?

Smoke bother you?

No, it's just that...

Who'd have thought I'd be paired

with a woman who smokes...

And that I'd be paired with a guy

with mahogany hair!

I'm going down for a drink.

Keep off alcohol.

You'll lose your socks.

This place is falling apart.

The hotel is ancient!

Confuses Luis Mariano

and Dario Moreno.

Big Oedipus complex.

Tax dodging tendencies...

A real traditional Thai restaurant.

You take off your shoes.

They're right. Hygiene first.

I don't see the point,

but here goes...

Hope no monkeys pinch them,

after those lizards...

This is nice.

Take a seat.

I get the idea.

I'll pull a muscle before dinner.

There's no legroom.

How do they do it?

You should have left your long legs

at the hotel, honey.

Welcome to Thailand. Bottoms up.

Go easy. It's very high proof.

It tastes like soap. What is it?

Rice wine with star anise.

It could serve as both toothpaste

and cocktail.

I ordered

a real Thai fisherman's meal.

My mouth is watering.

We love fish, don't we, honey?

I hope it's not lizard pastry.

You might find your shirts.

I'd love steak and fries,

and a chair with legs.

The house specialty.

What do you think this is?

If I don't know I won't eat it.

A big Slug

We're not among savages.

This is a refined country.

She's right.

It's a sea slug in garlic,

marinated in nuoc mam and spices.

The Thai fisherman's favorite dish.

Swell...

Pass me your plate.

I prefer the French hunter's dish.

Just a little.

Well?

It's good.

You have to get used to

the rubbery texture of the skin,

which is thick.

Their slugs are so fresh,

you feel like you're at sea.

Right. Out at sea.

I feel seasick.

Mother Marie-Souye

gave me this questionnaire.

Now? No more questionnaires.

- Don't drink if you don't eat.

- Eat what?

Without this

and my favorable report,

you can't take the child.

Sure.

Let's begin.

Do you believe it's worth having

the child learn Thai?

Indispensable.

What for? Honestly, teaching

her Thai is totally pointless.

Her roots! It's her mother tongue.

They all speak English here.

Badly, but they speak it.

There's a disagreement box.

I check it?

Check it!

You get used to the soapy taste.

Don't check it.

We'll discuss it later.

You're tired from jet lag, honey.

I'm not tired. I'm against

the child learning Chinese!

- Thai.

- I'm against Thai, too.

- What'd I say?

- Nothing but crap.

What's he doing?

The guy's a brute on top of it.

Sorry, sorry.

Noi!

- I'll pay for all the damage, Noi.

- Never mind.

Are you homophobic?

No, but I'm against prostitution.

So am I. I applaud with two hands.

Sure he was prostituting?

It was obvious, honey.

They both were.

It's a scourge here.

Dr. Louis told you.

That boy left his village

two weeks ago to find work.

I got him a kitchen job here.

The owner knew my wife.

But he'd rather hustle.

He's 15.

The beauty from Cadiz

has velvety eyes

The beauty from Cadiz

offers love without disguise

Anyway, we had a marvelous dinner.

- Fabulous!

- It's not over.

It's not?

Stuffed fish head

with herring liver.

I really can't.

They're staring at me.

I'd feel like a cannibal.

A Sunday dish.

It's Tuesday.

Say, if you know the owner,

ask her to turn that music off.

It's torture.

It sounds like

a cat that got stuck in a door.

She's butchering a great song.

They wreck everything here.

That's enough, honey.

Was your wife French?

No,Thai

Her name was Ty-Pong.

She was a very popular singer here.

She died five years ago.

That's her singing.

Now?

She's the cat.

That's her?

Too bad we don't get the words.

They're in French.

That's for sure, honey.

Listen good...

You can make out the French.

He's right.

I don't have an ear for music.

See a specialist.

I think I'll have some of these

stuffed fish heads.

Me, too.

How do you eat this?

It's a surprise.

We don't know what's inside.

You can recognize the refrain.

It's got something.

We'll finish

with an indiscreet question,

but it's the doctor asking.

Shoot, doc.

Monthly frequency of intercourse?

A loaded question.

That certainly is

a very private matter.

Do we have to answer?

It's the $64,000 question.

And you must answer separately

in writing.

A good way

of detecting bogus couples.

Ah, clever.

Downright sneaky.

We have a problem.

Really?

What?

It's just a rough idea.

We don't keep track very carefully.

Yes, but the ratio is 1:3.

Meaning?

Your wife says 4

and you say 12.

Can you explain that?

Well, I'll be damned!

My mistake. Cesar's right.

Ah, for once!

I was thinking,

does she have amnesia or what?

I gave a woman's answer.

He gave the number of times

and me, climaxes.

There's your explanation.

Careful, honey.

You're crushing people's shoes.

They're not shoes,

they're flip-flops.

Respect is a rule of life in Asia.

But they shouldn't leave them

lying around.

Good night.

Sorry about the restaurant brawl.

I usually stay cool.

Bangkok gets to me.

Thank you for taking care of Maily.

It means a lot to us.

That's right. Gute nacht!

What got into you to speak German?

I did a workshop at Mercedes.

Those fish heads aren't going down.

Same here.

But don't belch in my face.

Well...

we really ate...

What are you doing?

That's stupid.

Don't sleep on the floor.

You'll kill your back.

Come on the bed with me, baby doll.

Know what baby doll says?

Tie it in a knot and bug off.

"Wife:
motherly.

"Husband:
many faults.

"Some qualities, I hope."

You haven't always been gay.

You're too much of a dish.

You're nuts. It burns like hell!

See if it's blistering.

No, it's not.

I'll get the Biafine.

Calm down.

Lie down on the bed.

Lie on the bed. I'll put this on.

It's cold.

I'm going slowly so it penetrates.

That hurts.

Relax, or it'll never penetrate.

That feels so good.

"Wild sexual habits!"

I don't feel well.

Put more cream on.

Doctor, I feel sick.

- What now?

- I'm sorry.

Something I ate...

Do you have an antiemetic,

Dr. Louis?

Luish.

Dr. Luish. Eesh, as in quiche,

or as in leash! Is that so hard?

- Go to bed, it'll pass.

- It's worse lying down.

I see fish heads laughing at me.

I'm going to puke again.

I'll get some anti-acid tablets.

That all you have?

It's my wife's jacket.

Lizards ate my clothes, remember?

To think I have to wear

a chick's threads!

What "chick"?

My wife. It's her jacket.

By the way,

know where I can get driving gloves?

A gift for my mechanic.

Plus he's missing 2 fingers.

No idea.

You seem better.

Don't you want to go back?

No! The heads are right here.

In your glottis? That sort of thing

is often hereditary.

Think so? I have a stitch.

Hope it's not a fish bone

piercing my lung.

It's pretty wild here.

It's the only all-night pharmacy.

Do they sell real drugs here?

Just asking,

since they copy everything.

Do we both need to wait?

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