On the Beat Page #4

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You...!

Oh, thank heavens we haven't split up!

Oh, what a team, eh?

Ron, Cec, Bert, and now Norm!

The four just men.

ln case you think

l've taken leave of my senses,

Pitkin remains in the force

only until the job is done.

ln the meantime, we must accept him

and train him for special duties.

When you say we, sir,

do you actually mean we?

Yes!

We.

Rosanna?

Come in.

Rosanna, it's happened! lt's happened!

They've taken me.

l'm going to get sworn in.

You have to swear?

Oh... Oh, no.

You don't understand, do you?

l am going to be a policeman.

Aren't you pleased?

Si. Si, Norman. Complimenti.

- Are you going out, Rosanna?

- Si. And l not come back.

Did l do something wrong?

No. No, Norman.

You never do anybody wrong.

Only right you do.

But you're too good to me and...

l must go.

But...there must be a reason.

- Do you want to go?

- Oh, no. You have to pay for me here.

Oh. Why, l don't mind.

But l am not your... How you say?

Responsibilita.

ls not fair l should stay here longer.

But this is the first time in my life

that l've ever...

- l like being responsible for you.

- You are so sweet.

You make l should want to cry.

Then you will stay?

Si. l stay.

That's settled, then.

You wait till you see me in my uniform!

l just go out now, Mrs Stammers.

We go. Let's pick her up. Presto.

Do you want me? l have found

a smashing uniform. lt's got everything.

So kind of you to grace us with your

presence, Pitkin.

Yes, we do want you. There's a film

we want you to see. Sit down.

Pictures! We're not going to see

a picture, are we?

Cor! This is the life, ain't it?

And you waited for me

before you started the programme.

Oh, now l know l'm one of you.

l won't forget this. l won't forget it.

All right, here we go, then.

Hello, spring's gone on this one.

Pitkin, you're on my hand.

Hobson, we are getting

a little pressed for time.

- Yes, l think we should start.

- Good idea. Lights!

- Hello? Busted already?

- No, Pitkin, not busted.

- What? That's not it, is it?

- That is it.

- And that's what you have to copy.

- What do you mean?

You saw how the man walked.

Let's see you do that.

Who? Me?

What...?

Hear what he's saying?

- Did he mean it?

- Of course.

That is, if you really want

to stay in the police.

Oh, yeah, well...

l want to stay.

- l can't stand much more of this.

- We've no alternative, sir.

Now, Pitkin.

Can l see a bit more of the picture,

Mr Hobson?

l feel l'll be able to master it. Eh?

- Roll 'em.

- Lights!

Lights!

Lights!

Pitkin!

(Norman) Lights!

(Knock on door)

You put the lights out before l was ready

and l finished up...

out there.

Pitkin!

To avoid confusion, it would be better if

only one of us gave the orders!

Roll.

(Whispers) Lights.

Lights!

Lights.

- Sorry.

- (Yells)

l've had enough of this.

Forget the film, forget the lights.

- l'll forget all about it.

- Now, Pitkin, try.

Try and get this one little thing right.

You'll get all l've got.

Watch me carefully. l'll show you.

As you put your foot forward,

you let your weight rest onto it,

so that your hip swings outwards.

Then change feet - that is to say

turn on the other one,

transferring the weight

in the same manner.

Now this you continue to do alternately.

Now, having once mastered

the movement of our hips and our feet,

we bring our artistic hands into play,

and there we are.

- Now you do it.

- Just one moment, Hobson.

Constable, fetch a couple of books,

will you, please?

- (Whispers)

- Very good idea, sir.

No. Hand shoulder high.

Watch your feet.

- Whey hey! Lady Chatterly's...

- On your head.

- No. lmagine it, Pitkin.

- l will, l will.

- Yes, imagine it.

- Grip meself.

- On me head now.

- On your head.

That's it. That's better, that's splendid!

Now your head!

Keep the moving, not static.

And don't forget your hips. Lovely!

Head, your head! Movement!

Oh, sir, he's got it, he's got it!

Any progress?

Oh, sir, he's fabulous!

Can l get my uniform now, sir?

- By all means.

- Oh, thank you, sir.

Congratulations, gentlemen.

Rosanna! Rosanna!

She's gone, Mr Pitkin.

She walked out this morning.

She hasn't come back.

- Didn't she leave any message?

- No.

- You liked her, didn't you, Mr Pitkin?

- Yes.

Of course, she was...

She was too pretty for me.

Never mind, Mr Pitkin. Your police work

will occupy your mind.

Two more robberies.

They point to the same gang.

- The Napolitani mob.

- Yes, sir.

How's Pitkin's training coming along?

What you might call slowly, sir.

Very slowly.

Well, it can't be helped.

We can't delay any longer.

Bring Napolitani in for questioning.

Oh, Miss Wilkins! Ooh!

- l'm so sorry.

- Oh, you're welcome. Please sit down.

- Two gentlemen from the police, signor.

- La polizia? Grazie.

- Are you Giulio Napolitani?

- Everyone knows Giulio Napolitani.

Would you mind coming with us

to Scotland Yard?

- What for you want me?

- Nothing to worry about, sir.

OK.

Vince, send for my lawyer.

(Giulio) 'Oberon prepare,

Giulio he create.'

They've brought Napolitani in.

- Very nice, eh, Hobson?

- lt's in-a-the-bag, Ronna!

You know what you have to do, Pitkin?

Having gained entry to the premises

of one Giulio Matolipani,

l ascertain what use he makes

of the microphones,

and if he's got any stolen property

concealed in the buildings. Yeah?

Quite right. Don't forget,

we can't hold Napolitani for long.

- Of course not.

- You've got exactly 40 minutes.

Awwwww!

Well, here we go, then.

Ta.

All right, Ron. Don't let me down.

Ta-ta, Cec.

- l think it's going to work.

- Yes, sir.

- Oberon, do you realise...

- l've told you, l'm terribly sorry!

- Where's Giulio?

- l've been like this for hours!

Oh, Giulio, where are you?

You're on your own now, Pitkin.

Remember, you've exactly 30 minutes.

All right, then.

(All arguing)

Giulio!

Just a minute. Uno momento!

Uno momento!

What for you making all of this-a noise?

Shut-a up! Silenci!

Silenci-i-i-i-i-i!

Oh, you are so masterful.

You've all got to take-a your-a turn.

Comprenez?

l've only got-a the one pair of hands.

Marvellous. Right, then, who's-a first-a?

(All shouting)

l've been in such a tizz.

Where have you been?

What's happened to sir's style?

Oh, that's more like sir.

Signor!

Mrs Ashby. Signor Giulio, madam.

About time, too.

- First-a, the wash.

- l've had it washed once.

Your hair-a is-a no good.

lt's gone grey.

So would yours have

if you'd waited as long as l have.

Er... Oberon, give it a bit of a wash.

Giulio...he create.

Signor Giulio?

(Whispers) Pitkin!

- How did you know?

- lt's me.

Pitkin, look!

Oh, it's Sergeant Wilkins!

- There's a microphone under the table.

- What?

There's a mic...

Switch on the dryer

so no one can hear us.

- The what?

- Dryer.

- l've-l've-l've found something.

- What?

l've found something!

- There's a microphone under the table.

- l know.

- Do you think anyone heard us?

- Shhh!

Tra tra tra da dal la la la la Sing!

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