Once Bitten Page #3

I guess I'm an old-fashioned guy.

I really want to do it.

That's what's so funny.

I think I want to do it as much as you do.

There's no such thing.

I just have to know I'm ready.

And I'll know. And I swear I'll tell you.

God.

Okay, Sebastian, out of the closet. Now.

I thought I heard noises.

I was checking for prowlers.

In a $100 scarf, perhaps?

You bought it for $49.99.

Do you mind if we don't go

barhopping tonight? I'm exhausted.

I'm 390 years old.

What's the difference?

I'm so old, I can't remember my own sign.

You'll feel much more secure when Mark

has given you your second transfusion.

Life used to be so simple.

All one had to do to get a good meal...

was go out in the field

and pick up a shepherd or two.

Remember the look of terror

in a peasant's eyes...

when you'd swoop down on him?

And plagues.

Whole cities infested with rats.

People respected the power of a vampire.

It's been three days.

Do you think we ought to go find Mark?

Are you suggesting we invade suburbia?

Bowling alleys, RVs...

Chicken McNuggets?

A laundromat?

There's no better place

to pick up on lonely, bored women.

You can always tell what you're getting into

by checking out their underwear first.

I swear you guys are insane.

You've lost your minds.

What you know about women would fill

an atom-sized piece of toilet paper.

- Oh, yeah? We'll see.

- All right. We'll see.

- See you later.

- Later. Come on, Jamie.

Come on!

Okay, now remember, you ease over...

you check out the hamper...

and then make your move, okay?

All right. Let's go.

- Wait a minute.

- What?

What do I do if I get lucky?

- Come on, we've been over this 100 times.

- I know.

Okay. Do you have enough money

for a motel room?

Yeah.

- You do?

- Yeah.

- Okay, do you have protection?

- Yeah.

You intend to invite four friends?

I didn't know what size I'd need.

Try petite.

Now come on.

Come on, Jamie.

- Maybe we should come back later.

- Come on!

- Hi.

- Hello.

I was wondering if you needed any help...

folding your undergarments or anything?

Hi, there.

I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius.

I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners,

and Tolstoy.

I'm a mature person,

and you're a mature person.

So why don't we just skip all the bullshit...

get rid of our inhibitions...

and do what we really want to do?

Sounds good to me.

Why don't we go to your place?

I'll tie you up on your bed.

I'd love to whip you.

We can't do it in my bed!

I sleep with my brother,

and he's a chronic bed wetter.

Maybe next time.

- Jamie?

- Hi.

- So, how'd it go?

- She said no.

- Hi! Can I help you with something?

- Yes, I'm looking for a skirt.

Something that'll go with a grayish blouse.

Any particular color?

- Something in white.

- Okay.

I think I've got just the thing.

Here.

- How about something like this?

- I like that.

Good. We also have it in yellow,

if you prefer.

I like the white.

Why don't you try it on in the dressing

room. I'll be with you in just a minute.

Okay.

What are you doing?

- Shopping.

- Really?

Know what I'm shopping for?

- No, what?

- Kisses.

- What?

- You bit my lip!

I did?

Yeah.

You shouldn't be so sweet.

I kind of like these. What do you think?

Check it out.

They're kind of, you know, black.

That's what I like about them.

All right. Try them on.

I'll get a sweater that'll lighten up

the black pants a little bit.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Hello, Mark.

What are you doing here?

Where did you come from?

I've been here watching you.

I'm always watching you.

Here, try this one. It's really neat.

Baby blue. Wouldn't you know.

Wow! That was quick!

Wait a minute. I see another one.

If it's pink, I'm gonna puke.

Honestly, how can you stand

that little twerp?

She's not a little twerp.

I love Robin.

And I love Mark.

Would you just leave me alone?

What're you talking about?

You're the one who asked me...

Don't come in. I don't have any pants on!

Stop it!

I've seen you in your shorts before,

Mark Kendall.

Let the little creep in. I don't mind.

I mind.

- Leave me alone!

- I certainly will.

Boy, you're acting really weird,

you know that?

Listen...

you got to cool it. I mean it.

You know, you're a very pretty lady.

We had a nice time.

But it can't go on forever.

Forever is just what I had in mind.

You don't know what's happening,

do you, Mark?

I know if Robin sees us together,

I'm in big trouble.

Don't be such a big baby.

Please don't bite my buttons.

Are you all right?

What happened?

Guess I must have passed out.

Are you sure you're all right?

Has this happened before?

Maybe you should see a doctor.

Yeah.

Let's get out of here.

Countess, did you get

your second transfusion?

Of course, and I'll get the third one,

too, despite that girl.

She's got a much stronger hold on him

than I thought.

She's young, she's sweet,

and she's pissing me off.

My God, it lives.

- What time is it?

- 8:
15.

- Are you feeling better?

- Better than what? I'm feeling fine.

It's a little bright in here, isn't it?

You don't eat right, you know that?

I'm making your favorite breakfast,

egg burger.

Great.

- What happened to your shirt?

- Shirt?

The one you wore last night.

All the buttons are gone.

That's the second time.

How'd you manage that?

This jogging crap is for the birds.

It's really bad

for your knees and your back, Dad.

You should have told me that five years ago.

- Would you like an egg burger, dear?

- Yes. Thank you.

I'd like to have a little talk with you.

What time is it? I got to go!

- Aren't you going to finish your juice?

- Yeah.

See you tonight.

He couldn't be anemic.

Could he?

- Pushup bar.

- Fudge bar.

- Holy sh*t!

- Let's get out of here!

I'm sorry, Father.

- Have a drink.

- No.

Father, forgive me,

'cause I think I might have sinned.

Last week, I went to a bar in Hollywood...

where I met this strange woman.

She took me to her house...

and I think we had a good time.

But ever since then,

weird things have been happening.

She keeps following me around!

Even in my dreams, she's there...

you know, just sort of

screwing around with my life!

The worst part...

is that I feel like I'm changing.

I do all these funny things.

I frightened a couple of kids

just by looking at them.

I'm starting to freak out.

You're the only one I can turn to.

- What can I do?

- Get yourself a shovel. You're in deep sh*t.

Hello, Mark.

I'm not mad.

I just thought we agreed

that we'd dress alike, that's all.

If I had known

you were going to dress as a vampire...

I'm not dressed like a vampire.

I told you, I couldn't get out

and get a costume today.

The point is, I just feel silly

dressed as Jill without Jack.

If anybody asks, tell them

Jack couldn't get it up after the fall.

- Hi, Robin. Hi, Mark.

- Hi, Suzette.

I love your outfits. Let me take your names

for the best costume contest.

Sure.

Robin Pierce...

Jill, sans Jack.

And Mark Kendall...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes