Once I Was a Beehive Page #4

is cool

- Isn't it, though?

- Yeah, it's cool.

Wake up.

Last chance to use the bathroom.

Next time,

it'll be in the tules.

This is where we're

meeting Nedra and the bishop?

Yup, and you are on box duty.

All right.

Okay, ladies, we are entering

the unplugged portion

of the journey.

Kindly place all

cell phones, iPods, iPads,

androids, et cetera, in the box.

I just got to send

one last text.

"Dear entire JV football team,

I'm gonna miss you so much."

- Send.

- The beauty of mass texts.

Is that everything, Hannah?

Uh, any more?

That's it, I promise.

I guarantee you the Internet

will still be here

when you get back.

You okay?

Hope our craziness

isn't too much for you.

I'm fine.

Good.

I kept saying I was fine.

I wasn't fine.

If the drive up here was

this bizarre,

how much stranger could it get?

Here comes leather and chains.

Sister Rockwell, bishop Rudd.

I didn't know you two

were coming up together.

Oh, actually,

I blew a radiator belt

up around Jacob's bend

and, luckily,

sister Rockwell

saw me with the hood up

and offered to give me a lift.

Would have beat you here,

but bishop had to stop and toss

his cookies at mile marker 18.

Guess he had trouble

with the curves.

Hey, I want you both to meet

my step-niece, Lane.

She was nice enough to come up

with Phoebe for the week.

Lane, it's nice to meet you.

- You too.

- Soldier.

- Hi.

- Glad to have you in the ranks.

That's a fine-looking Fanny

pack, mark of a real camper.

Too bad you're not one

of my YCLS.

Probably know more than most

of these divas.

Be kind, sister Rockwell.

I am being kind.

They want to be divas.

That's all the rage these days,

just like that bay-once lady.

What are YCLS?

Youth camp leaders.

Bree and Paige, this year.

Good luck.

Hello, my little divas!

Hey, sister Rockwell.

Glad you could make it,

Phoebster.

I was worried

you were gonna go awol on us.

You don't have that little rat

of a dog with you, I hope.

That thing is cute, but it sure

hasn't earned the rank

of a real dog, if you ask me.

Well, lookie here.

If it isn't the famed

bike gang, heck's angels.

Glad you made it in one piece.

Are you kidding?

This is the safest thing

on the road.

I wouldn't trade it for any of

those four-wheeled sardine cans.

Speaking of which,

you wouldn't happen to have room

for one more in this sardine

can, would you?

Oh, sorry, bishop,

no room at the inn.

We are having quite

the sing-along in here,

and it is the party wagon,

so I am sure that nobody

wants to give up a seat...

I'll do it.

- I'll trade you.

- Are you sure?

I'm not sure

that sister Rockwell

feels comfortable riding

with a minor.

- I'm sorry.

- As long as she wears a helmet.

Saddle up.

Um.

It's okay.

Bishop, why don't

you ride up front,

and I'll sit in the back

with Phoebe.

No complaints here.

All right, next stop,

spring lake.

It's real nice of you

to help Phoebe,

but you don't have to do this.

Last chance.

Give the word,

and I'll turn this hog around,

and I'll take you back to town.

I already came this far.

I might as well just

give it a shot.

Ooh-rah.

Now, listen up.

You're very close to the ground,

so you're gonna

feel the vibrations,

and don't be embarrassed if you

let out a few air biscuits.

It's natural.

Let it happen.

Now, hold on tight and lean

with the curves, baby.

Our dear heavenly father,

we are so thankful

to be here at girls camp.

We are thankful

that we arrived safely,

and we are so thankful

for this beautiful campsite.

Please bless us that we will be

safe and keep our hearts open.

Bless us to have

a spiritual experience

and to grow

closer as young women,

and let us be able to enjoy

the beauty that surrounds us.

We are so thankful

for our leaders and their time

and dedication and preparation

that they have put

into making this such

a special experience for us,

and we ask these things

in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

All right,

you beautiful pipsqueaks.

Listen up.

If you were expecting this year

to be a relaxing week

of Kumbaya, you can forget it.

Sister sergeant major

Nedra Rockwell

doesn't believe in easy.

This is girls camp,

not club med.

Now, don't worry.

There'll be plenty of time

for the touchy-feely stuff,

and that's important.

Sister Carrington has prepared

quite the spiritual journey

for y'all,

but as far as the wilderness

survival portion goes,

you're in my world.

Now, we have prepared

three tents,

one for the beehives,

the Mia maids,

and the laurels.

You're to assemble your tents

in your respective ranks

and return and report.

You can solicit help

from the other groups if needed,

but no adults, Capisce?

Capisce.

Now, before I turn you loose,

I'm going to turn the time

over to sister Carrington

for some foofy stuff.

Thank you, sister Rockwell.

Thank you, sister Rockwell.

I have something

special for you,

but if you want it,

you're going to have

to really dig deep.

Well, go on.

Okay.

Come on, girls.

How far down did you put it?

Only one way to find out.

Okay, come on.

Let's go.

What do you think it is?

Oh, I hope it's lunch.

- I'm starving.

- How can you be starving?

We literally just ate.

I don't know, maybe I

have a higher metabolism.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Ladies, please.

We're almost there.

Maybe it's a dead,

decaying body.

Like, of some old prospector

named Wily Pickleshoe,

who died while searching

for the mother lode.

It's not a dead body.

Just a little bit deeper.

- Oh.

- Yes!

Dig it up, dig it up!

Oh. Okay.

What could it be?

Open it, open it.

There's one for each of you.

These are your golden rules

for camp this year.

Each day's theme and schedule

is outlined in great detail.

I've also included

the entire camp manual

as well as all of

your certification requirements,

everything you need

to complete this journey.

Well, what are all these pages

stuck together in the back?

Thank you for asking, Charlotte.

The sealed portion

of the tablets

is for your own

personal journaling.

Simply remove the thick rubber

bands at each end,

and it will reveal blank pages

that you can use to record

your thoughts and feelings

and experiences while here

at camp.

Okay, bishop, is there anything

that you'd like

to add before we kick

this camp into full gear?

Sure.

Uh, girls, these sisters

have dedicated countless hours

to making sure that you

have a good time up here

and that you really

feel the spirit.

You're in good hands.

I'm gonna make myself pretty

scarce around here.

I got my pup tent.

I've got the hunger games

on audio book

so I can finally find out

what all the buzz is about,

so I'll be around

if you need me,

but this week is really

about you, so have a good time.

Thank you, bishop.

Ew.

How old are these teepees?

Sister Rockwell said

she used them at her girls camp.

Uh, more like

Custer's last stand.

Why couldn't we stay somewhere

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