Once Upon a Crime... Page #3

Black, baby, come on.

Vingt-trois, rouge.

Rouge! Wait! Somebody moved my bet.

I distinctly remember betting on red!

Monsieur.

- What?

- Sir!

Please lower your voice.

You're in Monte Carlo.

- I know where I am.

- 10,000 each.

Rollin', rollin'...

All right, what's happening here?

Morosco. Seize, rouge. Seize, rouge!

Aw, rouge, I love ya, rouge!

Hi. Remember me? I'm Neil Schwary.

No! 36, 36, 3, and 4. A triangle!

Get away from me. What are you doin' here?

I was on the train. You had the dog.

I had my wife. Remember?

No! Beat it! Where did it land?

I'll take it! Leave it there!

This my number! Buy a hat! There ya go!

What's happening? Talk to me, folks!

How am I doing?

- Hello! Woo-Hoo!

- You won that?

Oh, this is mine! This is my night!

I'm rolling like a hunchback

doing somersaults!

- Yes! You're gambling!

- Get away from me!

What about Gamblers Anonymous?

I'm in the power of a force

much greater than myself!

Yes. I know that feeling.

- 29! Splits. 100,000.

- One hundred thew-please!

- Please. I need your help.

- Good-bye.

Wait. Bet for me.

I'll play the same numbers as you.

- Good-bye!

- I'm desperate!

I'm compassionate. Give me your money.

- I'm broke.

- Bye.

Wait! Lend me enough for

the first bet. Please.

I gambled away a fortune tonight.

I might have to sell my business.

You know how that is.

You've been there. Please!

All right. Stop groveling.

- I don't mind!

- Stand up.

You're a great man, Morosco.

Tonight I'm going to make you

a rich man, Neil Schwary.

Yes! But first I must find

the little boys' room.

And lose precious time? Waiter!

Bring this man a cup!

- Uh-oh.

- Who's that?

- It's my wife.

- My condolences.

- Elena, darling.

- Augie, what are you doing?

I thought I'd just come to the

casino and say hi to the staff.

I thought maybe I'd lay down a little bet.

- 7 and 27 now! Yes!

- You're incorrigible.

You don't even come to the hotel.

You get off the train

and come directly here?

No, Elena, you don't understand.

I'm on a roll! Shoot the works!

Yes! OK, I'm putting more on 7...

Look at you-dirty, sweaty.

You probably haven't eaten.

Yes, I did! I ate a marker. Double the bet!

Double the bet! Yes! These are mine.

I don't know what to say to you anymore.

I wait for you. You don't show up.

Come to me, baby!

I worry. I call the hospital, the police.

I say to myself, he can't be at the casino.

- He promised me!

- Come on! 7! Red! We win!

- I can't believe it!

- I've had enough.

The gentleman's cup.

Get a bigger cup! Don't insult the man!

How do I compete with this addiction?

- 500,000 francs!

- 500,000 francs!

Tonight we break the bank in Monte Carlo!

- Try the gate.

- Maybe she left it open for us?

That doesn't make any sense.

Come on, she must have, like, a

$50,000 security system here.

I mean, she's going to

leave the front gate open?

Madame Van Dougen!

It's Julian Peters! And Phoebe.

We brought your dog!

Madame Van Dougen?

Check out the side of the house.

What, are you on crutches?

Just check out the side of the house.

I study acting 10 years...

and wind up as a whipping

boy for She-Demon.

Oh, this whole Europe thing is a mistake.

I could be at a Yankee game now.

Instead, I'm checking out

Freddy Krueger's villa.

Madame Van Dougen!

All right. OK.

Phoebe.

Over here.

You could have at least left me a note.

- There's a bracelet.

- A what?

- A bracelet.

- Yeah?

It is a bracelet. Very expensive bracelet.

- Leave it.

- Why?

Because it doesn't belong to us.

There could be a reward for this, too.

This could be, like, a

little cottage industry...

returning sh*t to Madame Van Dougen.

- OK. Pull.

- It's stuck.

Full harder.

Is that what I think it is?

- It's a hand.

- A hand? What kind of hand?

A hand attached to a dead

body, that kind of hand.

I've never seen a dead hand before!

Get in line!

I broke her fingers!

Believe me, that's the

least of our problems!

- We gotta get out of here!

- Is she dead?

Come on! Now!

Wait. My suitcase!

Well, then get it, but hurry!

My suitcase.

Oh, I'll go because I'm a man.

Would you put a muzzle on that thing?

Is this Versailles?

I, uh... without my glasses,

I'm as blind as a bat...

but, hey, you know, as long

as you have your health.

Where is it? Where's my suitcase?

Just a couple of feet past the killer.

What do you mean? The killer's here?

His eyes and feet are.

I'm assuming the rest.

Oh, after you.

How much for the shoes?

I am sorry, monsieur. Casino policy.

We do not accept articles of clothing.

- My heart!

- My foot.

Sir, could you get my tip

back from that waiter?

You seem like a nice guy.

I lost everything! I cashed checks!

I drained my bank accounts!

I told him the only way

to win at the casino...

is not to gamble.

You also told me to cash my checks!

What did you listen to me for?

I'm a man with an illness.

Don't let him die!

I want the pleasure of killing him myself!

- Is that so?

- Yes!

- Yes!

- Is that so?

What do you want to do, have a fist fight?

Yeah! I want to kick

your loser ass, Morosco!

Come on, let's go! Your

size don't scare me!

All right! But not here in the promenade.

- Why? Where, then?

- You see that park over there?

Where?

Monsieur, venez!

I think we should call the police!

- Absolutely not!

- Come on, there's been a murder!

Phoebe, we could be suspects!

We're not suspects. We're witnesses!

We're foreigners. We're dead

broke, desperate for money.

We're bringing this rich

woman's dog to a villa...

at 1:
00 in the morning. She doesn't answer.

We find a bracelet 'cause

we're snooping around.

We pull on it. It leads to a hand.

Who's gonna believe that story?

Mother Teresa wouldn't even buy it!

Forget about it. They'll handcuff us.

They'll fingerprint us.

They'll take us in for interrogation.

Could we just move? Really.

This is crazy. We haven't

done anything wrong.

Why are we running?

You have any idea what the

French legal system is like?

It's a nightmare. We don't

speak the language.

We don't understand the rules.

They'll get us some shitty public defender.

We'll spend years in jail

before the case goes to trial.

Casting directors will

always think of me...

- as the Van Dougen murderer.

- We have to call the police.

If the killer's still

there, we'll catch him...

and then I can get my suitcase back.

We won't identify ourselves.

Once we read they've arrested somebody...

then we'll come forward.

I think that's the smartest thing.

And don't ever kiss me

that way again or any way.

No kissing, period! Oh, God.

- Toussaint.

- I'd like to report a murder.

What?

- Did you say... murder?

- Yes. That's a-right, a murder.

You're Italian?

That's a-correct. I'm Italiano, si.

- What's your name?

- My name? Balboa. Rocky Balboa.

So listen. The body... it's

at the Villa Van Dougen.

Boulevard Kandinsky, Numero 17.

- Come on!

- And if you a-hurry...

- You can a-catcha the killer.

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