Once Upon a Time in Venice Page #4

got robbed.

They took that TV, that

stereo system and that Xbox.

But the most important thing

that they took was my dog.

Buddy.

This dog?

That is my dog.

I didn't steal this dog, okay?

Yeah, that dog is my dog.

I didn't steal this dog.

Shut up.

Yo, we didn't steal no dog.

The dog was a gift.

Uh-huh.

Nevertheless, this dog

is the only thing...

That my niece gets

any comfort from.

So, you want the dog back?

I'm not giving you the dog back!

Shut up.

It's the only thing I want.

Okay then, ese.

You can have the dog back.

No!

Yes. Shh.

It's only gonna cost you $3,000.

$3,000?

$4,000.

You just said, $3,000.

You just f***ed up my window.

You gave that dog to me.

Cllate.

You give me four grand

for the car, the window...

And the garage and I'll throw

the dog in...

Because the story of the little

Nia... touched my heart, bro.

I don't have that kind of money.

Then I'll f***ing kill you.

Then I can get it.

You got 24 hours, Holmes.

That's my dog, Spyder.

John ah, Yuri, Venice's

local loan shark...

And ruthless son of a b*tch.

Everybody knows, he is the

last person...

You want to borrow money from.

He's also the last person

you want to see...

On a beach wearing a bikini.

I love this country.

John he only gives you

a day to pay him back.

I mean, what kind of person

borrows money from a guy...

Who only gives you a day

to pay him back?

- How's it going, Yuri?

- John ugh.

Eh, it takes Patience. So, how

much money you looking for?

$5,000.

On the phone you said, $4,000.

I figured if I ask for four,

I should probably ask for five.

Right?

So, how you figure on paying

this monies back?

Yuri, it's me, Steve, you know

I'm good for it.

Whoa, oh, oh!

Wait, wait, wait.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Huh! A Casio! I need this,

I'm awful with time.

Listen, you ever heard of the,

uh, Belarus bowtie?

First you cut off the

testicles...

Then you shove them down throat.

Then you have incision here

and here.

You pop the balls out

and it looks like a...

Bowtie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very formal.

Listen, Stevie, I like you,

you're funny.

I loan you money, but you pay me

back or you have scrotum bowtie.

"Ponimayu?"

Da. Scrotum bowtie.

Mm-hm.

Good luck.

Thank you.

See you soon.

So, Steve...

I just got off the phone with my

brokers and it turns out...

That the Chinese group that's

interested in buying...

My apartment complex is getting

a little skittish...

About the graffiti situation.

Yeah... the graffiti situation

is getting skittishy.

They're cutting their offer

by half, Steve.

So, here's the thing, okay?

You find this graffiti kid

in the next two days...

And you guarantee me no graffiti

through the end of escrow...

And I will sell you this house

for what I paid for it.

That's really generous, Lew.

Mm-hm, it is.

Look, the way I see it, you're

probably looking at a loss...

Of eight figures if I don't

find this guy.

But if you don't want

my help, I understand.

Okay...

I'm sure you...

Okay, okay, yeah, I get it,

okay.

Find the guy and I'll give

you the f***in' house!

You see? Give, take, and

everybody's happy.

I'm not happy. This is not

happy. Catch the f***er.

Steve? Hi, it's John, sorry to

leave this on your voicemail...

But I'm just looking at a

picture of one of the murals...

From Lew's building and, okay,

yes...

I give the piece as a whole,

seven out of ten.

The scrotum shading,

the veins...

And it's like the whole thing

just follows you.

So, here's what I'm gonna do.

John I'm gonna go to all

the local art galleries...

Show them the picture...

Just try to absorb as much

cock as I can.

In, uh... ocularly, through my

eyes, not...

All right, well...

I'm gonna go hop on this and

I'll check in with you later.

Jesus, man, that was bad.

Hey, uh... I'm wondering if I

can ask you about an artist.

Sure.

Okay.

Uh... I gotta warn you,

it's a little racy.

Ah, yes! Salvatore Lopez,

that's the artist.

Salvatore Lopez, are you sure?

I'm positive.

You sure?

Yes. Look, you see how the

veins follow you?

Yes, I do.

It's him.

And the, uh, scrotal shading,

it's...

I mean, it's classic Salvatore.

Perfect.

Classic Salvatore?

Absolutely, yes.

Classic Salvatore... where can

I find him?

Hm, why?

Just 'cause I'm a big fan...

And I'm actually looking

to commission a mural.

Okay, well, leave me your

number, I'll see what I can do.

Hey, Spyder, got it, four grand.

Four grand. Where's my dog?

Bad news, f***er. Your dog's

gone.

Gone? How gone?

All the way gone. Lupe, that

b*tch, took him.

What are you talking about.

You just took my money!

Hey man, this was for the car,

the window and the garage.

I was gonna throw the little

dog in for free.

You think I'm some kind of

f***ing idiot!?

Get me my dog or

I'm gonna go crazy!

The dog's just gone, is that it!

Hey, bro? Bro?

Don't think I don't have f***ing

nice people in my house!

You really are crazy.

They've been to places that

you have never been to!

I can see that, f***er.

A lot of mental illness!

Hey, that's Taylor's TV, bro.

What about Taylor!

What about Taylor!

Yo. That's your little niece's

TV, bro.

Take a breath, bro.

Listen, that b*tch Lupe took

your dog, hm?

And a briefcase filled

with my cocaine.

You find her, you get my sh*t,

I'll give you your money back.

How about this? How about I find

your girl and your briefcase...

Full of cocaine and you pay me

triple the money.

Psh!

Deal, f***er.

But you better do it now, before

my drugs find a new distributor.

I'll get right on it.

Listen... wherever this b*tch

is, your dog's there, too.

What? She likes Knott's Berry

farms, Holmes.

Knott's Berry farm's been closed

for a long time, hasn't it?

No, it's still open.

That other b*tch in that picture

is her other sister, Consuela...

She sometimes hangs out at my

cousin's bar, la Patronca.

Got an address on that?

F***in' Google it, Holmes.

John I need you

to run some recon for me.

Okay, pal?

The bar is la Patronca...

We're looking for a girl

named Consuela.

We find out where's she's

staying...

And that will lead us

to Lupe and the coke.

And John, try not to stand out,

okay?

Hector! Goddammit, what'd I tell

you, you're not a f***ing DJ!

Hey there, amigo. Uh, quite a

place you got here. Really nice.

Um... to start...

I would like one of your finest

cervezas, por favor.

I believe $2.00 should do it.

I don't want no gringo prices.

Oh my.

Nice boots.

Oh, thank you, thank you

so much.

Ah, you can keep the change.

I'm also, uh... I'm hoping

you know something...

About this girl right here.

Jesus.

Why you asking? You a cop?

No, no, I'm not a cop.

No, no, no, I'm just a friend,

I'm just looking for her.

She messing with you, too?

No, not that I know of.

No, it's nothing personal,

I just wanna talk to her.

Okay... just had to check.

Her name's Consuela.

She lives at the Hollywood

premiere motel...

With her sister, Lupe.

Oh, oh wow, okay, uh... great,

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