One Fine Day Page #3

Slow down.

- This isn't a very good breakfast, Daddy.

- That's an advantage of being an adult.

You get to act like a kid

any time you feel like it.

Mommy would never let me have

hamburgers for breakfast.

You see what I mean?

- Hello.

- Who's that?

- Who's this?

- Who's this?

What are you doing

with my daughter's phone?

Damn. We must've switched. I'm Jack Taylor.

Our kids are in schooI together.

- "You Don't Know Jack" Taylor?

- That's me.

Oh my God! You're so adorable.

- I love your column.

- Oh, thanks.

- Are you married?

- I'm divorced. What's your name?

- Rita.

- Rita.

Listen, Jack. I've got to go get exfoliated.

- Now, Melanie has your phone, right?

- That's right.

- So what is that number?

- Pennsylvania 3317.

- Pennsylvania. So cute. 3317.

- My dad used to...

Darling, if you speak with her before I do,

would you do me a favor?

Her sister phoned me to see

if I would baby-sit Sammy later on.

But I'm in the middle of my Spring Spa Day

at Elizabeth Arden. I can't cancel now.

But tell her that otherwise

I would have been happy to baby-sit.

No matter what she thinks,

I have forgotten all about Sammy

putting my wedding ring up his nose.

- I'll tell her, Rita.

- You're adorable.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- Hello?

- It's Jack Taylor.

- How did you get this number?

- You're holding my phone.

- This is so typical of you.

- Let's skip the hostilities and do messages.

- Fine.

- Your mother's at a spa day so can't baby-sit.

It's not because she's upset about

Sammy sticking her ring up her nose.

His nose. Thank you. You have

a press conference at five. Goodbye.

Maybe we ought to arrange

to switch our phones back.

Tomorrow when we drop

the kids off at school. On time?

- Fine.

- Fine.

Maggie, when you grow up and you are

incredibly beautiful and intelligent

and possess a certain sweetness

that's like a distant promise

to the brave and to the worthy,

can you please not beat to a pulp every

miserable bastard just because you can?

Can you just not do that?

- OK, Daddy.

- All right.

- Let me help you.

- It's OK. I got it, I got it.

- OK, sweetie. Come on.

- Stupid American woman.

That guy called you stupid.

I am stupid sometimes, honey.

But I'd rather be stupid than sorry.

- How bad is it?

- Well, it's modular.

So it's conceivable I could

lift out the damaged portion

and replace it from the mockup.

- So I wouldn't have to start from scratch.

- Vincent, that's brilliant!

Sammy, honey. You cannot

run around here. OK?

- It won't be perfect.

- I'm thirsty, Mommy.

It's OK.

I know you, Mel. You won't be happy

with less than perfect.

- Today I will.

- I can't get the straw apart, Mommy.

I don't even wanna think about what'll

happen if I don't have that model by two.

- All right, then. I'll give it a try.

- Thanks.

Now, while I'm doing my column,

you need to think of at least 600 fun things

to do, cos the rest of the day is yours.

I already know, Daddy. I wanna go to the zoo

and on a horse-and-carriage ride

and to the carousel and to the Natural

Museum of History and to The Cats...

It's Cats, not The Cats.

- Hi, Jack.

- Hey.

Hi, Jack. I didn't know you had a daughter.

- Yeah, this is Maggie.

- She's so cute.

- She looks just like you.

- She'll grow out of it.

- Why are all the girls talking to you like that?

- Like what?

"Hi, Jack."

- Hi, Jack.

- Hey, Celia.

See what she just did?

You know, I'm doing a story on men like you.

- Oh, yeah? What's the hook?

- Just an expression my mother used to use.

"Love your guy like a little boy

and he'll grow into a man."

Jack! Get in here!

Fish! You're not gonna believe

the morning that I have had already.

You look cranky. You back on that diet?

- Honey, remember Lew?

- We haven't seen each other in a long time.

I am cranky, Jack, and I ate

a very good breakfast this morning.

- We're in big trouble on your garbage story.

- No, we're not.

- Come here, honey.

- It's OK. Go ahead.

This is Lois Lane.

She lives here in the newsroom.

Wow!

Wanna pet her, sweetheart?

Go ahead. She won't bite.

- You got a raging scoop disease, my friend.

- Which is what you love about me.

Stay here and play with the kitty, honey,

while me and your daddy go have a talk.

That's a girl.

- Let's go.

- Now, would you rather that I wasn't first?

- I'd rather you were right.

- I am right.

OK. Who told you that the mayor's reelection

campaign took contributions from the Mob?

- Manny Feldstein.

- Manny Feldstein told you, on the record,

"Newark trucking company

Grace and Marra, a Mob front,

made an illegal contribution

to the mayor's campaign."

- That's right. On the record.

- In exchange for the city sanitation contract.

- On the record.

- Awarded without bidding.

To Grace and Marra.

That's right. On the record.

Manny Feldstein's gonna say

he never talked to you!

- What? Hey. What?

- At the mayor's press conference today

- Hi, Jack.

- Feldstein's gonna say you made it all up.

- You didn't, did you?

- Of course not.

Manny told me he saw

the campaign accounts.

$250,000 was deposited

in unnumbered accounts.

Freddy, hold page three.

We may have to print a retraction.

- Of what?

- You're gonna give me an ulcer.

- I can feel it. Couldn't you get two sources?

- Remember the Cardinal O'Brien story?

- We almost got fired!

- I almost got the Pulitzer prize.

It's real simple, Jack. Management doesn't

wanna clean up after you anymore. Not now!

- I'm a good reporter, Lew.

- No. You are a great reporter.

But sometimes you get too excited

and get me too excited.

And now I've given you

enough rope to hang us both.

And, Jack, nobody almost

gets a Pulitzer prize.

- They won't fire me. My picture's on buses.

- I said that.

Then they asked me

to lunch with Frank Burroughs.

- Dad?

- Frank Burroughs?

- "Frankly Speaking" is a popular column.

- He's a pompous, arrogant, humorless ass!

Who's won the Pulitzer prize.

I'm not gonna lose my job. I got alimony

and shrink bills, old college loans to repay.

- Daddy...

- One second.

I have a plumbing situation.

Now, Manny has been my guy all year long.

One second, darling.

I played bridge with his mother.

I took his niece to Cirque du Soleil.

Just one second. I had to sit through

him playing Tevye in dinner theater, Lew!

- Dinner theater!

- Jack!

I gave you this column, and I love you like

a son. But I can't cover for you anymore.

You've got six hours to that

press conference and no other leads.

Get Feldstein back on the record or find

another source to confirm this thing.

Otherwise we're printing a retraction.

And I guarantee you, Jack, it'll be your last.

That's fine. If you need me,

I'm at a different number today.

- Where are you goin'?

- To find Manny.

- Take care of yourself, kid.

- I will.

Hi, Jack. Listen. I really wanted

to say something to you, Jack.

I've noticed that you haven't

been dating for quite a while.

- Right.

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