One for the Money Page #4

How you been?

- Good. Good. You?

- Great.

- I like your hair.

- Thanks. It's just the same as always.

I like always, so...

- Real good, Mrs. Plum.

- Thank you.

So, how's the appliance business, Bernie?

Booming.

Stephanie started a new job.

Oh!

Yeah, I did. I just got a gun.

She's kidding.

Oh. Oh!

- Ma!

- A five-shot. Good for you.

- Thanks.

- Good for you, Steph.

Yeah. I'm doing the bounty-hunter thing.

We're going after Joe Morelli.

- Didn't you run him over with a car?

- Ugly rumor. Never happened.

Morelli? Really?

I know the guy he shot.

Ziggy something, right?

Ziggy Kuleska. Yeah, that's right.

I didn't "know him" know him.

I sold him a plasma for the Super Bowl.

I used to see him playing the numbers

at the butcher's across the street.

Yeah? Which butcher shop?

Sal's. Does a real good business.

Yeah, the gurus at CNBC

say foot traffic's dead.

All's I know, I hang a sign in my window,

and all the guys making book at Sal's

buy their I Vs and whatnot from me.

- Put the gun away, Ma!

- On account of the signage.

I don't know why I even try.

Now look what you did!

- She belongs in a home.

- Frank!

Shot that sucker in the gumpy.

It's like fireworks. Made of meat.

Look at you.

Didn't the two of you, like, at the bakery,

have a little...

It was high school.

I'm going after him for the money, period.

Nothing else.

Dolly, honey, you lack vision.

All in all, Bernie handled the evening

pretty well.

He hadn't wet his pants when

Grandma Mazur shot the turkey's pecker off,

and he'd given me a clue

to help catch Morelli.

Ziggy Kuleska was a scumbag,

a gambler, and a crook.

Not that I knew what to do

with this information,

but at least it's something.

Crap.

Yeah?

Someone needs to shut you up.

Sew up that pretty, little mouth.

How'd you get this number?

If you want something bad enough,

you figure out a way to get it.

It's not like I can call the police.

They already think I'm in over my head.

Yeah, well, I'm not going to lie.

It's not good that he's calling you,

but it is good that he's riled up.

It means he'll get sloppy.

That's easy for you to say. You probably

know the Vulcan grip or something.

All I know how to do is swing a purse.

Where do people even learn

how to do stuff like this?

On the fly, babe.

There we go.

All right. You are looking for anything

that says this guy's got a lifestyle

beyond his means or links him to Ziggy.

And my guess is it's already picked clean,

but you never know. Good luck.

- You're not coming in?

- No, no, no.

Someone always has to have

the other one's back. Okay? Always.

It's easy for me to

imagine Morelli at home.

Taking showers, paying bills.

Breaking hearts.

It's just junk. Junk.

- Nothing.

- Damn. I knew it.

- Wow, Plum, that is some grim sh*t.

- Right?

It's kind of hard to blend in a car like that.

Once you're seen, you're seen.

Which is why...

Let's see what we got, Joe.

- An Explorer. Neat.

- I didn't see a thing.

- All right, then.

- All right.

Solid.

Man.

Crap. I need cash.

Okay, yes. It's gonna take longer

than I thought to get Morelli.

But I need to bring someone in.

I need money.

Let's see what I got.

Clarence Sampson. Got drunk as a lord

and stole a police cruiser.

Take a tour of the bars on Stark.

He's in one of them right now.

- Easy money.

- There's like 1,000 bars on Stark.

That'll take forever.

I need fast money, not easy money.

Well, it's not gonna come knocking

on your door, hon.

Wait. This one might.

William Earling, exhibitionist.

He got kicked out of two retirement homes

for flashing his junk.

He lives in your building.

Yeah, Mr. Earling. He lets me use

his old newspapers for my hamster's cage.

He's a perv?

Whoa!

Okay, that's bold.

- Thank you. Got this one.

- Yeah.

Well, hello there.

Hey, Mr. Earling.

I'm here 'cause I work for your bond agent

and you missed your court appearance.

So maybe you could throw

on a robe or something

and we could go get you a new court date.

Court date, yes.

Robe, no.

I was born naked, I'm gonna die naked,

and everything in between, naked.

Dispatch, please.

Yeah, I got an FTA here

and I'm requesting aid

with the transfer of custody.

Thanks.

Well,

I'm not too sure

what happens now, Mr. Earling,

and I feel really bad about that.

No. No. Not that bad. Put it away.

What?

It's still red. What are you beeping at?

- Crap. Crap. Come on, turn.

- You freaking nuts?

- This is my car!

- Then go call the cops!

This is my... God damn it!

This is my vehicle!

It's mine for the time, Morelli! Suck it!

Oh, my God, is that guy naked?

He better be wearing pants.

- You better be wearing pants, pal!

- Lighten up, son.

Fresh air is good for the boys.

Hey, we're headed to the

police station now.

So if you want to follow us there,

that'd be great.

It would make my job a lot easier.

- Open the door.

- I gotta go.

Was great to see you.

- Get out.

- See you soon.

Come back!

Take this to his bondsman.

He'll cut you a check.

I was hoping for cash, but this'll do.

Hey, Plum, you can't get Morelli naked,

so you're settling for him?

- What is wrong with you?

- This ain't no booby prize, pally.

See you later, Mr. Earling.

Sure, I had to see an old

guy's twig and berries

but at least it bought me a meal

that didn't come in a Lunchables box.

Hey, do you want a meatball?

- No.

- Look at this.

William Earling, my first FTA.

Nice job, babe.

You know it's gonna be a lot harder

to take down Morelli, though, right?

I mean, he's a good cop,

probably a better felon.

What is it with you two, anyway?

Nothing. I sold him a

cannoli in high school.

Honey, half the women in Jersey

sold Joe Morelli their cannoli.

So you're riding around in Morelli's car,

learning how to shoot a gun,

chasing him down like a dog.

That's a lot of chi to be

spending on nobody.

A cannoli?

Yeah, I gotta bounce. Duty calls.

Wait. I owe you some of this for the gun.

No, no.

Pay me back when you're rolling in it.

You know he's gonna try

to steal his car back, right?

I'm counting on it.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- This is a manly car.

- I commandeered it.

She stole it.

Look, any word on Carmen yet?

I'm working on it.

Hey, listen, have you guys seen an old,

tan van sneaking around here lately?

- No.

- Would you quit giving it away for free?

You just want to roll up

and start asking questions?

I heard you was a bounty hunter.

Do you make a lot of money doing that?

Hey, we should change our profession.

You know what?

If you want more information from Lula,

you have to bring her a snack.

- Done.

- All right. Bye, girl.

- All right, I'll see you guys soon. Bye.

- Bye-bye.

- Lula. A snack?

- You always complaining.

It's hot. I'm hungry.

Here's a Jersey survival tip.

When you remove someone's master fuse,

they can't start their car.

Once Morelli sticks his head

under the hood,

I'm going to take him down

with my pepper spray.

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