One Touch of Venus Page #2

into the chiseled perfection

of this masterpiece.

But in the 20th century,

that's not worthwhile discussing.

In fact, the beauty of face and form

which I'm about to reveal is such

that the 20th century

would seem a little unworthy.

Oh, what a nice man.

Yeah. That's Mr. Savory.

He's my boss.

He owns the store.

As some of you may know...

There isn't gonna be any statue there!

- That's right.

- You're the statue!

Yeah, but what about Mr. Savory?

He left me in charge!

He's gonna think I'm responsible!

But no words of mine can do justice

to what I want you now to behold.

My good friends, lovers of art,

the matchless Anatolian Venus.

Well, you're just full of surprises.

It's gone! My statue, it's not here!

- This isn't a gag?

- Gag? It's been stolen!

- Hatch! Hatch!

- That's me.

Where's that idiot window trimmer!

Don't be afraid.

You're above mere mortals

like this department store owner.

You're now under the protection

of the Olympian gods.

Yeah? Well, supposing he fires me.

What are you gonna do?

Make a patron saint

of the window trimmers?

They'll hear you.

Mr. Savory's timing is a little off today.

The cart before the horse, so to speak.

He kills me!

I'll let you know

when the horse gets back.

- We'll have another unveiling.

- Molly!

I'm sorry you made this trip for nothing.

Molly!

Coming, sire.

- Bye, Shirley.

- Good-bye.

Call the Kerrigan Detective Agency.

- Tell them I want their best men.

- All right.

- No! Mr. Kerrigan personally!

- It shall be done.

Years of work, endless patient search,

fabulous expense, and then just gone.

Do you want me to advertise

a reward for Eddie Hatch, too?

Not for him.

Just for his head on a pikestaff.

Now, be reasonable, chief.

You don't think Eddie walked out of here

with that statue under his arm, do you?

When I left him there, there was

a great work of art on that pedestal.

I hold him responsible.

Hallelujah.

Well, that's that.

Oh, you think so?

Didn't you hear Mr. Savory?

He holds me responsible.

What if he takes the price

of the statue out of my pay?

$200,000, and I make $43.75 a week?

Why, that's-- Let's see, that's--

87 years.

The twinkling of an eye.

Besides, I shall wait a hundred,

a thousand if necessary.

Oh, no, you won't.

You've got me into enough trouble.

The only thing you can do for me

is to get back up on your pedestal

and leave me alone.

You do not want me?

You're turning me away?

Very well. Go.

Go to your friends.

Oh, I will!

But what about you?

You can't stay out here on the balcony.

You'll freeze in that...

in what you're wearing.

I'll be all right.

Why don't you go inside and get up

on your nice warm pedestal--

I'll stay here.

Well... all right.

If that's what you want.

Good night.

Say, Gloria, Eddie may be a long time.

You better eat something.

Oh, I can't, I'm too nervous.

I just can't wait to find out

what's happened.

You know, I bet Mr. Savory

put Eddie in charge

of window dressing in the entire store.

Eddie has wonderful ideas

about dressing windows.

He didn't get his diploma

from correspondence school for nothing.

Eddie's a pretty smart fellow, all right.

You know, Joe, you ought

to be a success, too.

You work hard.

Someday Mr. Savory will notice you,

and you'll get a promotion, too.

But remember:
stay in there pitching,

and you'll get ahead.

I don't know, Gloria.

You do want to be a success, don't you?

Yeah, but...

Hey, Eddie. Over here.

What happened?

We thought you'd gotten

lost or something.

- How was the unveiling?

- Oh, it was awful.

The statue disappeared.

I mean, Mr. Savory thinks it disappeared.

But you didn't have

anything to do with it, did you?

Who, me?

What's wrong, Eddie?

What's my name?

Come on, tell me!

What's my name?

Eddie Hatch.

Oh, that's right.

Eddie Hatch.

My name is Eddie Hatch.

I work in the Display Department

at Savory's Department Store.

You see? I know my name

and I know where I work.

I'm sane!

I'm as sane as anybody!

Well, of you course you're sane, Eddie.

Naturally you're sane.

Isn't he, Gloria?

I don't know.

What's all this about a statue?

And what happened to it?

And how did you get mixed up in it?

I don't know, Gloria.

I mean, I'm not sure.

Anyway, Mr. Savory holds me responsible.

I heard him say so.

But how did it disappear?

Yeah, a statue just doesn't get up

and walk away, Eddie.

That's right.

That's ridiculous.

I've got nothing to worry about.

I'm in good shape.

Eddie!

You're in great shape.

Your name Hatch?

That's me. Why?

Gotta ask you a lot of questions, Hatch.

- Come on.

- Say, what's all this?

- Police.

- Where are you taking him?

- What's he done?

- Taking him back to the store.

Mr. Savory wants to see him

about a little $200,000 statue

that climbed down and walked away.

That's right!

How did you know?

Aw, come on!

See you later, Gloria.

- See you later, Joe.

- So long, Eddie.

Come here to me.

Come close to me.

Okay, okay, go on.

But I've already done it a hundred times.

Go on! Go on!

Show me from the start.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

I was here.

Show me again.

How can I fix this

if you don't stand still?

Then all of a sudden I was down here.

You're talking! You're alive!

Of course I'm alive.

Then I was here.

He's still sticking to that story.

He'll crack.

I've dealt with these

clever shoplifters before.

Pretty clever.

He pretended a thousand-pound statue

was an elk's tooth and just wore it out.

- I know he had help.

- Probably a couple of elks.

Oh, very funny.

But I've got one of his accomplices

lined up right now.

But this guy had access to the store.

- He's the ringleader.

- Oh, lay off!

Hatch couldn't be leader

in Ring Around the Rosie.

I'm paying Kerrigan

to be the detective, Molly.

Well, buy him some badge polish

and send him home.

Anyone can tell this boy isn't a thief.

Come on, Eddie.

I'll catch you a couple of flies

and you can pull their wings off.

Now you go on home and get some rest.

Come here to me.

Come close to me.

Take it easy, Eddie.

I might take you up on that later.

He's plenty smart,

but I'll keep my eye on him.

Pulse is okay.

Let's see now.

Temperature's normal.

See, Eddie? You're all right.

Don't pay any attention

to that crooked thermometer!

I must have a fever!

Oh, nonsense.

You're just upset.

With that Savory and that

dopey detective and--

Oh, I'm so sick!

Look-- Look, Eddie,

I'll run a bath for you.

We'll got to Tony's and get Eddie

some nourishing soup.

Minestrone, your favorite.

You didn't have any dinner.

Oh, yeah.

I must be weak from hunger.

We'll be right back.

Come on, Gloria.

Don't-- Don't let the water run over.

You're-- You're talking.

You're alive.

Come to me.

Come close to me.

Oh, no!

What are you doing here?

You can't come in! Please!

Why not?

Well, because my girl's coming right back!

She's very jealous, you know?

She's like a wildcat when she gets angry.

She's 8 feet tall,

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