One Touch of Venus Page #3

and she's got very sharp fingernails.

Silly boy.

What can she do to me?

Well, I don't know,

but she can do plenty to me!

Please go away.

You sound henpecked.

Poor boy.

I'll bet she runs your life

like an assembly line.

And how. Why, even--

Nothing of the sort!

She's sweet!

She's a very nice girl!

Well, I'm a very nice girl.

Oh, please, please, be reasonable,

Miss-- Miss Venus.

I'm not worth bothering about.

I'm not famous. I'm not rich.

I'm not even very bright.

I'm not bright!

In fact, there's insanity in my family,

starting with me tonight!

I'm crazy!

You-- You must have me mixed up

with somebody else.

I'm just a little old good-for-nothing

window trimmer.

You can be anything you want to be.

Can I be alone?

I'll leave, if you'll go with me.

Oh, no.

No, please go away.

My-- My landlady, you know,

she wouldn't understand.

She's-- She's got a rule.

Against me?

No! About girls being with boys.

Why, there's even a law against it!

Is this your landlady?

Oh, no, no, no!

Hello?

Hello, Gloria.

I was just talking about you.

That is... to myself.

I had quite a little chat.

Me and-- and me.

He's talking to himself.

That's bad.

Look, darling, keep calm.

Listen, they're all out of minestrone.

You could have either noodle or spinach.

Noodle or spinach?

- Noodle.

- Spinach.

- Noodle!

- Spinach!

- Noodle!

- Don't bother me!

Who's bothering you?

I'm only trying to help!

What?

What do you mean?

I'd be glad to leave you alone!

- Gloria.

- I heard a woman!

- Not in our room!

- Well, it wasn't the zoo!

Wait a minute.

Wait till I get the package.

Come on, I've had enough of this.

Who-- Who is it?

It's me. I want to come in.

It's my landlady. This way.

Over here.

Oh, that's no good!

Over here!

Mr. Hatch! Mr. Hatch!

One moment, Mrs. Gogarty.

Mr. Hatch!

Open up this very instant!

Coming, Mrs. Gogarty, coming!

Miss Venus? Miss--

Where are you?

Here I am.

She'll never find me here.

Not in here! Quick!

Get out, please!

Hurry! Get behind the screen!

I'm coming in, Mr. Hatch!

Oh, of course,

Mrs. Gogarty, of course!

You've got a woman in this room.

Why, Mrs. Gogarty, what an idea!

Whatever the idea, you know the rules.

You've got to both get out!

What's behind that screen?

Dirty dishes.

Kindly remove it.

Oh, Mrs. Gogarty,

I had to give her a square meal.

I said to myself, "Well, Mrs. Gogarty,

with her kind heart--"

There. You see?

There's nobody here.

Oh, Mrs. Gogarty, there's nothing

in there but a sink and a tub

and things like that.

So you take them, too!

- What?

- I adore bubble baths.

I take them all the time,

especially those ones

with the lovely jasmine smell.

Odor of Pine Tar.

- My husband uses that.

- He does?

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Hatch,

but you know one can't be

too careful these days.

No, no. Well, good night, Mrs. Gogarty.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- Love that smell.

- Yes. Good night.

Miss Venus!

Your Majesty!

- Miss Venus!

- Here I am! Is she gone?

Oh, my gosh!

Get out of there, quick!

Oh, no! No! Wait a minute!

And get dressed in a hurry!

Open the door, Eddie Hatch!

Oh, honest, Gloria, Eddie wouldn't

do anything like that to you.

And get away with it.

Hurry! Hurry!

Come and get your soup!

It's hot!

- Hur--

- Did I help?

Yes, yes. You were wonderful.

Come on.

Eddie! Open the door!

See, Gloria?

There's no woman here.

There's no Eddie, either.

That phony!

Pretending he's sick just

to get rid of me!

Boy, wait till the next time I see him.

He won't have to pretend.

Gloria, there wouldn't be anybody

in there.

Moonlight Madness?

$40 an ounce! Smell!

- It's worth it.

- Worth it?

Now wait a minute!

Oh, Gloria.

Now take it easy.

I chase around worrying

about his health,

and he just chases around!

You don't understand.

A lot of things could've happened.

Eddie--

Quiet. You want

the watchman to hear us?

- He won't bother us.

- He certainly will.

Don't you realize I'm breaking

into the store?

I'll turn him into an owl.

- A what?

- An owl.

It's very easy.

I just go like that, and he's an owl.

Oh, come on!

Excuse me.

It's locked.

Now what am I gonna do?

Well, haven't you got any ideas?

Look, it's late.

You've got to have someplace to stay.

Don't you ever want to go to sleep?

Come on.

You see, I trust you, Eddie.

Come on.

What's wrong now?

Aren't you gonna carry me

over the threshold?

Why do you keep acting

as if we were on our honeymoon?

Oh, all right!

You stay here tonight.

You'll be nice and comfortable.

I'll get you out in the morning.

Oh, it's lovely.

Oh, well, this is the very latest thing.

Now, everything is operated

through this master control.

Now, there's the radio and the bed

and the air conditioning and the kitchen.

Show me how it works.

Well, I'll turn on the radio.

We'll have to wait a little while,

you know, for it to warm up.

The beds!

I must have pushed the wrong button.

Well, I did! It was marked "radio."

Here, we'll try this one.

Now it should work.

Oh! I--

There must be a short circuit someplace.

You know what?

It's getting late, and you better

be getting some sleep.

But I'm wide awake.

Oh, no, you're not.

You're sleepy.

You're-- You're very sleepy.

Close your eyes.

You want to sleep.

Sleep. Sleep.

That's no good.

I'm hypnotizing myself.

Oh, Eddie, you're so cute.

I'm not cute.

Why, I'm a beast!

I'm terrible when you get to know me.

Ask Gloria.

No, no, no, don't ask Gloria.

Oh, why are you messing up my life?

I was a dependable,

respectable citizen until tonight.

Were you having any fun?

That's all you think about is fun.

That's all right for you

flying around on Mount Olympus

or wherever you come from

without a care in the world,

but down here it's different.

We're practical and efficient.

Why, we've perfected a machine here--

What have I done?

You kissed me.

You made me do that.

That's not fair.

You tricked me.

You used some kind of a spell on me.

No, Eddie, I wouldn't do that.

You mean I wanted to?

I hope so.

Well, as I was saying, the...

There's another button here that...

turns on the automatic stove.

You can cook a whole meal

by remote control just by...

by pushing that button.

How do you fall in love?

In love?

To the music of harps and flutes?

Flutes?

So that's how you fall in love.

Speak low

When you speak love

Our summer day withers away

Too soon, too soon

Speak low

When you speak love

Our moment is swift like ships adrift

We're swept apart too soon

Speak low

Darling, speak low

Love is a spark lost in the dark

Too soon, too soon

I fear

Wherever I go

That tomorrow is near,

tomorrow is here

And always too soon

Time is so old

And love so brief

Love is pure gold

And time a thief

We're late

Darling, we're late

The curtain descends, everything ends

Too soon, too soon

I wait

Darling, I wait

Will you speak low to me?

Speak low

When you speak love

Our summer day withers away

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