Ordinary World Page #3

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what we have available.

-Man, I can't believe that.

-What's that, sir?

Oh, I just haven't seen

that chick in, like, 15 years.

Chick, sir? Oh.

Was she an old flame?

Something like that.

Yes.

That's nice for you.

All right, well, we have

a few options available.

I assume you're looking

for a single, sir?

I don't know, Rupert.

Um, it's kind

of a special occasion.

Do you got

some kind of a suite?

A suite? Well--

Yeah.

Well, we have

the Presidential, but, uh...

What's that?

It's very expensive.

Oh, cool.

Can I take a look at it?

It's very,

very expensive.

Well, I wanna see it.

The Carlyle Suite.

It's occupied.

And here we are.

The Presidential Suite.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

This is amazing.

Ten presidents have stayed

in the suite.

It was last remodeled

in 2010,

but it was restored

to its original design.

Have you ever felt

Egyptian cotton?

What is this,

a king size?

The dining room table

is made from mahogany

that has been imported

from Brazil.

Oh, my God.

There's a kitchen

in here?

Yes.

What's this,

a little whiskey?

Uh, no.

It's not a little whiskey.

This is a Maclarnan Reserve.

Forty-one years.

This is perhaps

the greatest whiskey

that was ever distilled.

Is it any good?

No.

No, it's not any good.

It's perfection.

It starts... mellow.

Sweet.

A little fruity.

But you're gonna wanna hang on,

'cause it's about to get bold.

Suddenly, you taste the earth.

It's gritty,

like there's dirt in your mouth.

Smoky. Oaky.

Perfection.

It lingers for just a moment

and then seamlessly

transitions

into a peculiar finish of lemon

with a hint of cranberries.

And it's

a thousand dollars a bottle.

So let's just leave this here,

and let's go find you

a deluxe queen with a mini bar.

Well, wait, wait, wait.

How much is this room?

Two.

Two what?

2,000.

$2,000 for one night?

This is not

the Sheraton, sir.

No sh*t, Rupert.

Look, why don't we

find you a very nice room

but something simpler.

I got an idea.

There's no one here,

so is there any wavering

on the price?

(chuckles)

No, there's

no wavering, sir.

Why is that so funny?

It's--

No, it's not funny.

So do you want it?

Can I do, like,

half cash, half credit?

Gary here.

You know what to do.

-(line beeps)

-Gary! It's on, dude!

I'm at the Drake Hotel.

The Presidential Suite!

And it's pretty sweet,

all right.

Hi. It's Johnny.

Please leave a message.

(line beeps)

Yo, Johnny, what's up?

It's Perry.

Hey, I'm having a party.

I'm at the Drake Hotel.

Uh, the Presidential Suite!

All right, call me. Bye.

Hi. This is Pete.

Who are you? Leave a message.

Hey, Pete. What's up, man?

It's Perry Miller.

Hey, uh, I'm having

a rad party today,

so give me a call.

Gary here.

You know what to do.

(line beeps)

Gary. What's up, man?

It's Perry calling again.

I don't know

if you're getting

my messages or what,

but, uh,

give me a call, man.

I, um, wanna have

this party, so...

All right.

Talk to you later. Bye.

(imitating engine)

(imitates crash)

(toy car clattering)

(doorbell rings)

Who is it?

MAN:
Room service!

Room service?

I didn't order

any room service.

MAN:
Room service!

(laughing)

Hey! Gary!

Birthday guy.

What's up, man?

Wow.

What's up, Johnny?

That was me

doing room service.

You knew that, right?

Yeah, yeah.

This is Gypsy.

Hey, welcome

to my party.

Wow!

Are we the first ones here?

Yeah. Hey, where's Pete?

He's hungover,

so he can't make it.

Oh.

You have a kitchen

in your hotel room?

Yeah. Right?

This is wild, huh?

Unbelievable.

What's this?

Uh, probably the finest bottle

of scotch ever made.

Guys.

Finest bottle of scotch

ever made.

You want a shot?

JOHNNY:
Yes!

Hey.

Gypsy, you want a shot?

PERRY:
Gary, you can't

do shots of that stuff.

Why not?

It's like an antique.

You can't just gulp it down.

It's antique alcohol?

It's a thousand bucks

a bottle.

Oh, wow.

I mean, I'm very thirsty,

so, you know, you're

the host of the party and...

Very funny.

I'm just kidding around.

It's a joke. All right?

We're not

doing shots?

No, we're not doing shots.

Come on, Gary!

We're not doing shots.

All right, calm down.

Uh, let's get

everything started.

-Gypsy, you wanna get ready?

Give him a happy birthday?

-Okay.

Just give me

a couple minutes to change.

Who's she?

Okay, this is

a birthday present.

She's a friend of mine,

so it's a freebie.

So we're gonna put you--

What do you mean

by "freebie"?

It means you need to relax.

Hey, Gypsy,

where should I put him?

Should I put him here?

Fine.

All right.

So sit here.

Just relax.

Is she gonna strip?

No, I think she might

just read us the Bible.

-(laughs)

-Yeah, she's gonna strip.

She's a stripper.

That's what she does.

All right?

You rent out

this huge suite.

We're gonna play Scrabble?

Man, come on.

You know, you don't wanna

do shots of scotch, okay?

-It's too expensive, right?

Have a beer, okay?

-All right.

Chill out.

Okay, all right.

We're your friends, okay?

She'll do anything

you want.

You want a hummer?

Dude, don't say that.

That's someone's daughter.

Shut it!

Have a good time.

This is a party.

All right?

This is for you.

You wanted

to go crazy, right?

Yeah.

Well, this is

going crazy.

All right, Gypsy,

you ready?

Dude, if you don't want

the hummer, I'll take it.

That'll be the one freebie.

All right? For me?

Yeah.

You ready for this?

Whoo!

Mm-hmm.

(Gary chuckles)

Yeah.

JOHNNY:
Oh, man.

Oh!

-Do you dare touch it?

-(Johnny chuckles)

Sure. Why not?

No, no, no.

Guess not.

JOHNNY:
Whoo!

Do you need music?

Do we have music around?

GYPSY:
Mm-hmm.

(beatboxing)

(beatboxing)

GYPSY:
Thank you.

(continues)

-Does that sound right?

- (continues)

Hey, do you mind

using a coaster?

(laughs)

Seriously, can you put

a coaster under that?

-JOHNNY:
Dude,

are you serious?

-Yeah. Here, you too.

They're not even open.

You gotta.

-JOHNNY:
Are you insane?

-Take the beers

off the table.

-It doesn't matter.

There's a show going on.

-Do it. Here.

One second.

JOHNNY:
Are you insane?

-Is this a joke?

-Stop! Stop!

I'll do it.

My table at home

is full of rings.

My kid

never uses a coaster.

-There's a beautiful woman

right there.

-Okay. All right.

(beatboxing)

Look that way.

That's for you!

Yeah! Fun!

(continues)

Yeah, hold on.

Give me one minute, okay?

I'll be right back.

What are you doing to me?

There's a woman right...

(door opens)

I'm sorry.

(door closes)

Oh, my God.

What the hell is

the matter with you?

All you ever talk about

is hanging out

with your buddies,

and now you're acting

like a total freak.

I mean, God,

what the hell?

Hey.

What's your problem?

Nothing, man. I'm fine.

You're fine?

Yeah.

"Use a coaster"?

You sound like my mom.

When you're in dad mode,

you just think

about stuff like that.

This isn't about

you being a dad.

This is about you

celebrating 40 years.

Forty years.

Think about that.

Right? It's party time.

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