Orgazmo Page #5

Uh, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

Okay. Jesus and I love you, Joe.

Jesus and I love you too, cupcake.

Bye-bye.

Hey, you're Orgazmo, aren't you?

No! I mean, yes.

My name's Joe.

I play a character named Orgazmo.

Listen, don't get prancy with me, kiddo!

Hyah!

You're not the bad boy

around here anymore.

The name is A-Cup,

I play Neutered Man.

Neutered Man?

Orgazmo's new archenemy.

Don't you get it?

Neutered Man!

He has no balls. Orgazmo's

little ray won't work on him.

But Orgazmo beats him, right?

How?

Well, Orgazmo would find a way.

How?

I don't know.

Read the script, duder!

Orgazmo doesn't find a way.

Neutered Man escapes.

You know, it's funny.

You look a lot tougher

on the screen.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Maybe I'll show you some

real moves sometime, a**hole.

[Slaps Butt]

Hey, what do you think, ace?

I don't like it. It doesn't have

the spirit of the first one.

And action!

[Chortling, Groaning]

Now that I have you at the Parthenon,

we will sacrifice you to the God of Lust.

[Groans]

You're so evil, Neutered Man.

If Orgazmo was here,

he wouldn't let you do this to us.

I'm not afraid of Orgazmo.

Did someone say my name?

Orgazmo!

Orgazmo!

And Choda Boy!

Oh.

Let them go, Neutered Man.

Never. I'll kill you first.

[Imitating Ray Gun]

[Imitating Ray Gun]

[Laughing]

Your little ray has no effect

on me, Orgazmo.

Fool!

Why doesn't your Orgazmo ray

work on him, Orgazmo?

I don't know, Choda Boy.

It's all Greek to me.

[Stifling Chuckle]

Orgazmo, you saved us.

How can we ever repay you?

I have an idea!

[Slaps Butt]

Ohh! Oh, yeah!

[Women Sighing]

[Ben Moaning]

Cut. Stunt Cock!

Stunt cock!

Stunt cock!

[Slaps]

- Oh, Orgazmo! Mmm!

- Rodgers?

Yeah, boss?

Who is that?

Oh, that's Ted,

the new stunt-cock guy.

[Women Moaning, Gasping]

And you don't see

a problem with this?

Mmm, nope.

All right, f*** it.

Hey, is that a new costume, Joe?

No, I think it's the same one

we've always used.

Oh.

You know, I don't wanna

sound like a queer or nothin',

but I think you've got a really nice ass.

Uh, thanks?

Sure, dude.

[Slaps]

[Cymbals Chime]

What the hell?

G-Fresh, what happened to you, man?

How'd you get that scratch?

Oh, I'm sorry, G.

I'm closing down.

I have to be out in two weeks.

What? Why?

Oh, the punks from next door

got me to agree.

You signed the papers?

Oh, they came in the other day...

and just whupped

my sorry black ass.

Oh!

Did you call the police?

I make you guys

last sushi for half price.

[Japanese]

[Ben]

Um, just give me tuna, salmon, shrimp.

## [G-Fresh Singing In Japanese]

We've got to help him, Joe.

Oh, right. What are we gonna do

against a gang of thugs?

Well, look, you and I are both

great martial artists, right?

I mean, we're pretty good.

And I'm willing to bet that between

the two of us, we can take these guys.

Those guys probably have guns, Ben.

Martial arts don't stop guns.

[Japanese]

[Japanese, Crying]

Jesus!

Where?

Joe, I just got the most

amazing idea ever.

The Orgazmorator, Joe--

You can use the Orgazmorator as a weapon.

You can stun anybody who has a gun,

take 'em outta commission,

and then we kick their asses.

- Are you nuts? That-- That won't work.

- Why not?

Well, even if we succeeded,

those guys would come

after us eventually.

We can use disguises.

We can cover ourselves up

so nobody can recognize us.

That won't work.

Why not?

- Because it won't, gosh-darn it!

- [Sobbing]

[Continues In Japanese]

I'll tell ya somethin', Joe.

There's nothing sadder...

than a sad Japanese man.

Boy, I'll say.

- [Woman, Japanese]

- So, what do you say, pal?

We can wear disguises?

## [Rock, Men Singing In German]

We look ridiculous.

Come on. Hey, listen, it's the way

people in this club dress, all right?

We gotta fit in.

Put this sh*t on.

All right, so what's the plan?

Why you asking me?

Okay. We go in the front door,

uh, walk to the back,

grab the contracts,

and if one of the thugs tries to stop us,

we f*** his sh*t up!

That's a great plan, Ben.

Really well thought out.

Let's kick some ass, baby!

## [Continues]

[Women Chattering]

## [Techno]

Head to the back!

Come on, Joe. Up the stairs!

Ah, it's locked. Too bad.

Don't worry.

I got the slim Johnson.

- Ha-ha!

- What the f*** is this?

You have a contract signed by G-Fresh.

We want it back!

You gotta be f***ing kidding me, right?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Jimmy, kick their ass.

You kick their asses.

Jimmy, kick their asses.

I'm tired of kickin' everybody's ass.

I'm not kickin' their asses.

Yeah, my heart bleeds for you.

Kick their f***in' asses.

Go. Guppy, play.

Un-zaah!

Come here, you little--

whatever you are.

Joe!

[Giddy Moaning]

I'll kill you!

Where's the contract?

What contract?

Goddamn it,

I'm not gonna ask you again!

All right! All right already!

It's over there.

Got it.

I strongly suggest you don't mess

with G-Fresh anymore!

You mess with him,

we mess with you!

Bye-bye. God bless.

Look out, suckers!

Rocko! Stop them!

[I ndistinct Shout]

Curses!

Curses?

Whoo! Yeah!

God, that kicked ass, didn't it?

No, it was horrible!

What are you talkin' about?

Now, we got in there,

we kicked their ass,

got the contract and got out!

F***, dude, it couldn't be

scripted any better than that.

Actually, I take that back.

That guy was pointing a gun at me.

He could've shot me, Ben.

Man, all I know is the little guys

always get stepped on.

Tonight we did some stepping!

Well, all I know is I gotta get

the heck outta Los Angeles.

Way too much weird stuff

goes on here.

- Surprise! [Giggles]

- [Screams]

- Aah! Hi, honey!

- Lisa, what are you doing here?

I couldn't take it anymore.

Daddy lent me some money to come out.

Isn't that great?

No! I mean-- I mean, boy-boy, I'll say.

- How long you staying?

- Until the show's over.

- Aah!

- Aah! I know!

I know. I know, I know, I know.

Living together before we're married

is strange.

But I figure, heck, the Lord won't be angry

as long as I sleep on the couch, right?

Uh-- Uh, actually, I don't know, Lis.

The, uh-- The Lord's kinda tricky

when it comes to stuff like that.

- Oh!

- Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Uh--

Wow, this is a much nicer apartment

than I thought you'd have.

Yeah, I got some new stuff.

Oh, when is your next shoot?

I wanna come and watch.

Uh, it's, uh, sold out.

I mean, it's a closed set.

Oh, well, I'm sure you can get me in.

I doubt it.

Oh, this place is such a mess.

I can't stand for you

to see it like this.

What are you talking about?

It is spotless.

Joe? Joe, what is the matter?

Aren't you glad see me?

Haven't you missed me?

Hmm?

You have no idea how

much I've missed you, Lis.

Almost forgotten

how beautiful you are.

Oh, Joe.

[Giggles, Squeals]

Oh.

Hello.

Shut up.

How ya doin', A-Cup?

F*** you.

Hey!

Come here.

Come here.

[Farts]

[Laughing]

Now get the f*** outta here. Ohh.

[Orbison]

Action!

I should have known you'd team

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes