Oscar Page #3

- I thought he left me for good.

- You should be so lucky.

- Don't say that about the man I'm gonna marry!

- You're not gonna marry that monkey!

You're gonna marry the man I picked out

for you- Bruce Underwood III.

I don't wanna marry Bruce Underwood.

He's a snob, and he's got pimples.

- A couple of dates with you, and that'll clear up.

- Go ahead, insult me.

Your mother and I send you

to the fiInest Catholic schools.

And look at you!

A disgrace.

You look like you just stepped off

the runway at Minsky's.

I'm a modern '30s woman.

It's the music

you kids listen to today.

Bing Crosby, Cab Calloway!

Don't think I haven't heard the lyrics

to "Minnie the Moocher."

Oh, I am so stifled in this house.

I wanna swim the English Channel.

I wanna go shopping in Paris.

I wanna lay on the beach

in Honolulu.

Do whatever you want!

Just don't leave this room.

The Finuccis is here.

Connie, watch this door.

She's not goin' nowhere.

Finuccis.

- Is that my suit?

- It's not just a suit.

- It's a Finucci.

- Took you long enough.

You want it fast or you want it good?

We no rush. You no rush Michelangelo.

You no rush Leonardo.

- You no rush a Finucci.

- That's my speech.

Who say it's your speech?

Enough!

Move it into the library.

Stairs.

Oh, look at all of the books.

I never see so many.

Yeah, yeah. Reading's my passion.

Signor Provolone,

this is our last house call.

'Cause now we famous.

- Famous?

- Oh, sure.

One of our suits, she make

a big spread in the Herald Tribune.

Show him the picture.

Show him the picture.

Nice piece of work.

Suit looks good too.

His widow, she want a new suit

to bury him.

I say, when he pay

for the filrst, he get another.

Nice colour, huh?

Feel this. This nice.

Like a baby's behind.

Well, let's see if it filts.

I got till noon to look like a banker.

Oh, we make you look like a banker.

Take off your pants.

Four million unemployed. It's enough to

break your heart, isn't it, gentlemen?

Yes. We could be forced to lower

our interest rates once again.

Damn shame.

One can't even walk

from the offilce to the club...

without being pestered

by some homeless beggar.

Excuse me.

I meant "forgotten man."

Drastic times

call for drastic measures.

Which brings me

to our present meeting, gentlemen.

Please. My stomach.

Whitney, I wish you'd be

a little more receptive-

Are we in such dire straits

that we want the name...

Angelo "Snaps" Provolone

on our letterhead?

His name won't be on our letterhead.

But his money will be in our vaults.

But, gentlemen,

bringing a gangster on the board?

Ex-gangster. Or as I prefer

to think of him, a robber baron.

Like J.P. Morgan

or John D. Rockefeller.

At least they didn't have

a middle name in quotes.

Let me handle Mr Provolone.

I may have to take this greaseball's

money, but I don't have to like it.

Oh, Nora, I have so many dreams.

I wanna ride on a zeppelin...

attend a Rudy Vallee show.

I wanna go to an opium tent

in Chinatown.

You'll be doin'

all these things, Lisa.

- No! My life is over.

- You'll see.

Marrying my boyfriend was my last

chance to get out of this prison.

Well, as prisons go,

it's not so bad.

You know,

I went to this play once.

You went to a play?

What did you wear?

Never mind.

There was a scene where a girl...

made her parents

think she was pregnant...

and they were forced

to let her marry her boyfriend.

But if I told Daddy I was pregnant,

he'd kill me.

Either way,

you'd get out of this house.

I'll give you a nice banker tie

to go with the banker suit.

- Pick one.

- Too loud, too quiet...

too striped, too plaid, bingo.

Mr Provolone!

What is it? I'm in the middle

of a filttin' here.

- Mr Provolone, your daughter wants to see ya.

- What, again?

She says it's a matter

of life and death.

- Now what do you want?

- Daddy, dear...

there's something I've gotta tell you

that's gonna give you quite a shock.

Daddy, I've decided

to go away to a convent.

Now you wanna be a nun!

Well, you're a little late.

No, Daddy. Convents are also where

unwed mothers go to have their babies.

What?

You all right, boss?

I thought I took this rod

away from you.

It's my spare. For emergencies.

Give it to me.

Everything.

Is that it?

It's like disarming Germany.

Now, get outta here!

I should use this on myself after

what you've done to me and your mother.

- The shame of it!

- I'm sorry, Daddy.

I'll start packing

and go to the convent.

You're not going to any convent!

You're gonna marry this bum...

- just as soon as I get my hands on him.

- Oh, Daddy, you changed your mind!

What choice have I got, you tramp?

And after the wedding, you'll move

into a nice ground-floor apartment.

- Why a ground-floor apartment?

- 'Cause after I break his legs...

he's not gonna make it up any steps.

- Interesting.

- There's a dame at the door.

Can't you see I'm busy?

Brush her off.

- I can't.

- Why not?

- Because the dame says-

- I know.

It's a matter of life and death.

- What can I do for you, Miss-

- Theresa.

- Theresa.

- Can we speak privately?

Yeah, sure. Why don't you

come up to my offilce?

If Dempsey got the workout I'm getting,

he wouldn't have lost his last filght.

Mr Provolone,

I've done a stupid thing.

- What's that?

- I've fallen in love with a man named Anthony Rossano.

You're right, that's a stupid thing.

He's already spoken for.

- By who?

- By me.

- What do you mean?

- Anthony just asked to marry my daughter.

- He was here already?

- Yes. But you're young. Don't worry about it.

You're attractive. The bread lines are full of

eligible young men. Now, if you'll excuse me.

No, you don't understand,

Mr Provolone.

I lied to Anthony.

- I told him that I was your daughter.

- You did what?

He thinks you're my father.

So, you see, when he asked for

permission to marry, it was me he wanted.

That means he never even met

my daughter. That's wonderful!

No, wait. That's terrible. If he

never met her, then who's the father?

Listen, of all the guys in the world,

why did you pick me?

Because I wanted Anthony to think

that I came from a wealthy family.

- After all, he makes 1,400 a month.

- It's 1,200 a month!

When he asked my name, I had just seen

your picture in the DaiIy News.

- So I told him I was Theresa Provolone.

- That makes sense.

I didn't fiInd out until later

that you were a gangst-

- I mean, that you were who you were.

- Then why didn't you tell him the truth?

Because he liked the idea

that I was your daughter.

- I just found out that he worked for you.

- It's more like he works for himself.

So you see, Mr Provolone, I don't want Anthony

to fiInd out the truth from anyone else.

Yeah, if he does, I'm out 50,000 clams.

Think, think, think. All right, I got it!

Now, I won't tell him you're not my

daughter, but you gotta do something for me.

- Oh, anything, Mr Provolone.

- Don't leave this room...

until I settle a small matter

with Mr Rossano.

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