Our Idiot Brother Page #2

For Ned, yeah, for you.

Absolutely, no, for sure.

I'm not a charity case.

I wanna work, so if you hear of

anything, any odd jobs or anything,

please, let me know, because...

Maybe there's something

on your movie you could...

There wouldn't... No, no.

No. No, we're pretty well-staffed

at the moment.

Yeah, sorry, it's...

You know what you really need

is to get laid.

I have, like, five hot roommates,

a couple of them would totally f*** you.

- Definitely.

- Dude,

can we discuss living with

that many people at this age?

I mean, it's kind of gnarly.

Well, actually, we looked at

a two-bedroom in Brooklyn Heights.

- Right, Nat?

- For you two?

- That's awesome.

- Good! That's so exciting!

- Can I come check it out?

- Yeah, of course.

Contain your enthusiasm, Nat.

No, it's just...

I get worried, because...

people who move in together

always end up either breaking up

or getting married.

- OK.

- No, no, no, no.

Why would you say that in front

of everybody? I don't understand.

- Come here.

- OK.

Take a breath, Mom.

- Relax, take a breath.

- We have to go. Seth has a show.

- Yeah. Who's Seth?

- I have a deadline. I'm gonna go too.

What about cake? Aren't we

gonna play a game or something?

We should probably

get going as well.

Hey, sunshine, we gotta get home

and practice your shehnai.

You're right.

I'll out you a slice, River,

you can take it with you.

Oh, no, he had a cupcake yesterday.

We're off sugar today.

Thanks, though, Ned.

Such a lucky kid,

gets a cupcake once a week.

So, I'll see you guys next week, OK?

- Bye, Mom!

- You guys really have to go so soon?

It's still light out.

I know, but I'm so psyched

to have you next week.

- Yeah, to next week! Bye, guys.

- Cindy!

Coming, coming!

Our door is always open, Ned.

We'll see you next week, OK? Bye!

Bye!

You know, Nedly, I love you.

I love you too, Mom.

Even though you've never had a real job

and that problem with the jail business,

and you've never given me

any grandchildren.

Yeah, well...

Any plans for tomorrow?

I don't even know where to begin.

Then we'll drive over to Calico Corner,

I gotta get a new button.

- You need any?

- I'm OK.

Let's get an early start,

we'll beat the crowds.

OK.

I'm glad you're staying here.

Nighty-night.

- Good night, Mom.

- Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

- I'm... Officer...

- Omar... Coleman.

I'm... your... parole... officer.

I'm Ned Rochlin.

Why are you talking so slow?

I just figured, looking at your sheet,

that since you sold grass

to a uniformed police officer

that you must be retarded.

- Yeah, I get that a lot.

- Right.

You need a signed rental agreement

in your name

or written confirmation that

you're staying with a family member.

OK. Well, currently I'm staying with

my mom in Long Island. Although, I...

You're required to appear

before me every three weeks,

at which time you'll provide me

with a urine sample. You understand?

Oh, yes, sir, Your Honor.

State of New York requires you

to reflect upon the choices

that led to your incarceration.

- Cool.

- Cool.

Um, what steps are you taking to avoid

such choices in the future?

Uh... I'll tell you,

that's really tough...

tough for me, sir. I don't really...

Hmm. Hm.

Wow, that's a good question. I don't...

It's tough to answer right now.

I haven't thought about it

that much, but,

I don't know. I mean, I'm not

gonna be working at the farm any more.

- OK.

- Although, you might not want to

write that one down, 'cause it's

not so much a step, per se.

Because it's not my choice.

I'd love to be working there,

but my girlfriend, Janet,

doesn't want it to happen really.

How about we put down you're staying

away from past criminal associates?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

- If you think that's best.

- Yeah.

You know what? I'll think about it

and I'll try and come back next time

with some more steps and options, that

kind of thing, for our next meeting.

- You do that, buddy.

- This is cool, man.

- Yeah.

- This is like...

This is like free therapy.

New York State cares.

Is that it? That's it?

- That's it.

- My 50 minutes are up?

- Yeah.

- All right, man. OK.

- OK.

- Thanks a lot.

Hey, is it lame if I bail on Nat's show?

Yeah. Then no one will be there.

What the hell is that noise?

Oh, that's River's shehnai.

You have no idea how competitive

admissions have gotten.

God, Ned just showed up.

- I'll call you back.

- All right, bye.

Hi.

- You said your door was always open.

- I did, yeah.

I hope this is OK, Ned.

Are you kidding? This is great.

My God, I get to rock

the full-on slumber party

with my man River every night.

I mean, Mom's great and all, but...

Oh. No, Ned, it's all right. I get it.

So, the deal is, if it's OK with you,

you'll get $250 a week,

you'll help us out with River,

and you get to work with Dylan

on the documentary.

Yeah, I hope you don't have to fire

anyone to make room for me, Dyl.

Oh, yeah, but it's family first, right?

You guys.

Come on, bud, let's go.

So, you're telling me

you've never seen The Pink Panther?

Mom and Dad don't like violent movies.

Yeah, but it's not violent,

it's hilarious.

- Nobody's actually getting hurt.

- Mm-hmm.

Get on your feet. Come on, come here.

On your feet, River Rochlin Byng.

Welcome to my dojo.

Give me a chop.

- What was that?

- Karate chop.

That was a...? That wasn't a chop.

You know what that was? That was this...

Chop me. Do it.

- How about this?

- Oh! Ah!

Christ! it's after 10:00, for Christ's

sakes, River has school in the morning.

Oh, God, sorry, yeah.

I must've lost track of time again.

Ned, what's the laptop

doing in his bedroom?

We were just watching Pink Panther

We loaned you the computer for your

resume, not to look at pink panthers.

No, The Pink...

it's just Pink Panther.

This country's obsessed with screens.

He's seven years-old,

for Christ's sakes.

Ahh.

Whoops.

- Good night, Riv.

- Good night.

I mean, he's not

like a criminal or anything,

he's just a f***-up who needs help.

Well, if he's got any of your genes,

I'd be happy to throw him a few bucks

- to do a little modeling.

- That would be awesome.

Then he'd have cash

and somewhere to go.

Sure. Hey, have you heard

of Sustainable Upgrade?

Sustainable Upgrade,

it's a life-coaching program.

It saved me. I was like

your brother is now, floating.

Waiting for someone

to give me a sense of purpose.

Cool, I'll tell him.

Want to come to a meeting too?

- Mmm, I don't know.

- No.

You are capable

of extraordinary things, Natalie.

You just have to let yourself go there.

It's not like a cult, is it?

Cult? No.

No. I'll tell you what,

I'll take you both.

Just check it out, no pressure.

What we're doing is we're

filming this documentary movie

about Tatiana.

And all of the artistic repression

that she faced in Belorussia.

What I'd love to get from you guys would

be signatures on these releases.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes