Out Cold Page #3

as much as anyone else...

but a little change,

it's not gonna hurt this place.

I don't know, Rick. Why would we

even want this place to change?

We don't want it

to turn into Aspen.

But have you seen

the women from Aspen?

I--no.

Other than

the occasional girl...

who comes here

on the weekend trip...

this place

is a sausage factory.

There are gonna be

some hotties...

some slammin' bods

with pants so tight...

it looks like

they were painted on.

Babe, I love chicks.

Chicks love me,

so it's all good.

Calm down, Lance.

Look, Muntz is gonna

sell this mountain...

and somebody's

gonna buy it anyway.

Do you have $1 00 million?

I don't. You?

No. We're not models.

Guys, look.

All I'm saying is

that if we play ball...

the mountain will still be ours.

You foolish boys.

This is how it all starts.

I've seen it all before.

I was there.

Yeah.

It was called the eighties.

Ford was president,

Nixon was in the White House...

and FDR was runnin'

this country into the ground.

I was bummin'

in a hole-in-the-wall town...

in what is now called Utah.

Some fella

from Colorado shows up...

starts makin'

so-called improvements, right?

Well, 'fore we knew

what hit us...

the streets

are runnin' with latte.

It got so bad that

a fellow that liked to...

you know,

smoke a little grass...

or drink a little ripple,

crow like a rooster...

maybe challenge the mayor's son

to a gentleman's duel...

was uncouth, against God.

More like

bad real estate values.

Stumpy had to go!

Richard,

be careful what you wish for.

You got it, Stump.

-I will.

-All right?

God!

I'm good.

Better put somethin' on that.

Welcome to our local cantina.

I like to stop in and have a...

Stumpy's right. You can't

let them do that to this place.

Women or no women,

we gotta stand on it...

and I need to stop talking

for a second.

Hey, Rick, come on over here.

No. You know what?

You guys are right.

This guy's really bad

for business.

I'm gonna go let him know.

Rick, this is

my stepdaughter Inga.

Hello there.

Rick, I'd like you and retard

to show me the kitchen.

Sweetheart,

I got a little work to do.

Buy yourself a drink at the bar.

I won't be long.

Nice place.

When's his lease up?

Whenever I say it is.

Good.

Hey, boys,

look good in those uniforms.

-Boys, watch confidence at work.

-Be strong.

God, here she comes.

What my friend's

trying to say is...

welcome to the El Matador...

which is Spanish

for the matador.

Want a drinkie-poo?

I was wondering

if you can make...

a kind of drink.

It's called...

what is the word

in English for this?

Horny maker.

One fuzzy navel for the lady.

So you're, like,

Majors's daughter?

Schtepdaughter.

I'm supposed to my

schtrepsister be meeting here.

One more fuzzy navel

for the lady.

My schtepsister.

It's Anna.

Oh, my God!

-How are you?

-I'm fine.

It's been a long time.

-What are you doing here?

-I was having a beer.

-In Alaska?

-I like cold beer.

Does that mean--is Rick around?

No. You didn't hear?

Rick perished

in a dogsled accident.

Four dogsled pileup.

And it's awful.

The dogs survived, though.

You used to be

a much better liar.

Anna, I don't know why you're

here, but leave him alone, OK?

Play it once

for old time's sake.

-Play what once?

-Well, the song.

-Song!

-Please, play it.

OK. Well, I think

I could play it once.

-Oh, that's not it?

-No, that's not it.

Very nice, though. Please.

I don't know if I know--

You know what song

I'm talking about. Please.

All right.

Please play it. Come on.

He's gonna kill me.

Thank you.

Luke, I thought I told you

to never play that...

Song.

Hey, Anna, you made it!

Come here, kid.

Give me a hug.

Sweetheart, this is Muntz.

-And this bright young man is--

-We've met.

Majors is your father?

Yes. He likes to think

he's Napoleon...

working his way across Europe.

His first wife was English,

my mother was French...

and Inga's mother was Swiss.

And I just hired

a Russian girl trainer.

Look out.

Hey, girls, it's bedtime.

We got a long day ahead of us

tomorrow. Come on, Inga.

Retard, walk me out.

I didn't know you were here,

Rick. I'm really sorry.

I really have to go, but...

Of all the bars in all

the ski towns in Alaska...

why'd she have

to come to this one?

Thanks.

There you go, Jenny. Enjoy it.

I don't think he's coming,

Jenny.

We'll put him in Rick's car.

Got him, Lance?

I got him, OK?

This is gonna be rightly stupid.

Get him in.

I got it.

-Come on!

-You sure this is a good idea?

It might give him

a heart attack.

As the inheritor

of his estate...

I take full legal

responsibility.

Come on! Get out of the way!

OK, come on.

One, two, three!

OK, they're packed.

Let's skedaddle.

Spin him!

One...two...three...

Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Please!

I got it!

We're stopping!

Lord.

Oh, my God!

What's wrong with you?

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

-All right!

-Beautiful!

This is what you're gonna do

to Bull Mountain?

No. Snownook.

That's the name

my people say tests the best.

Did I ever tell you

how I invented snowboarding?

That's a hot tub, Pig Pen.

Wicked!

Hey, there.

I don't want credit for it,

but they keep givin' it to me.

She's gonna kill me.

Hey, retard.

There's gonna be a lot more

changes goin' on here.

Come on, boys!

You're workin' on my time now.

Wait!

Hold up! I can explain it!

I can explain everything.

Relax. I stopped by the bar

last night, and Pig Pen told me.

Look, I'm really sorry

about that.

I will make it up to you

any way that I can.

You don't have to leave.

Don't flatter yourself.

I'm doing my laundry.

So that means

you're not mad at me?

Yeah, I am.

I'll get over it, though.

Look, I really am sorry.

Look, I don't do

this pining thing well...

so why don't you figure out

what the hell it is you want...

and let me know?

Welcome, girlfriend.

Buy you a beer?

I'm good.

Look, I'd like to apologize

if you'll let me.

There's things about me

you don't know, Rick.

Now, there's something

I have to tell you, though.

You know what?

Hold that thought.

I don't even care anymore.

Cheers.

Hey, you're dribbling!

Watch the shoes!

Sorry.

I'm hot!

-Want to see my piece?

-What?

See, I just started training

for the biathalon.

Where's Inga going?

Don't you worry, little brother.

I got your back on this one.

I'm gonna do her.

But how does that help me?

Well, what do you know?

Just the two of us!

I got trained.

Inga, I love you!

Oh, my God!

Are you hurt?

Yeah, I think so.

Anthony, is that you?

Can you go get some ice

from the bar?

This is Alaska. You're sittin'

on ice, little leprechaun.

Yes. Go, Anthony.

I will wait here with him.

Damn him!

Tell Inga where it hurts.

Evevywhere.

"Duck."

Come in.

Make yourself at home. Just

don't hit me anymore in my nuts.

Sorry. Oh, my God.

This is good?

Yes, this is very good.

Tell me, where did

you get these scars?

Let's see.

Skateboard...

truck accident...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes