Out Cold Page #4

and a fire hydrant.

I bet each one has

its own exciting story, no?

No, not really.

I skateboarded off a truck

into a fire hydrant.

I never met

an American boy before.

Are you all so wild?

Yeah.

We have a saying around here.

No brains, no headache.

We have a saying

in Switzerland, too.

No swimsuit...

no tan lines.

We have another saying

around here.

-What's that?

-I don't know.

I didn't mean to leave you

like that in Mexico.

I'm sorry. I just--

Believe me, I had to.

Why? Some other guy

come sweep you off your feet?

You were the other guy.

-I don't understand.

-I'm engaged.

I was engaged when I met you.

And I love him, Rick.

I really do.

And when I met you...

I don't know, I just...

I fell in love with you, too,

I guess.

I didn't know what to do.

Hey, it's no problem.

Don't worry about it.

I had ten other engaged chicks

fall for me that week, too...

so I barely even--which one

were you, the brunette?

Please, I wanted

to say good-bye to you...

and tell you everything...

but when the time came

to do it...

I didn't think I'd be able to,

so I left.

And I really did fall for you.

That's why I left.

There, I said what I had

to say, so I'm going now.

Wait.

Look, I'm sorry, too, OK?

For being a prick.

It's just that I was

a little...bummed out.

I deserved it. It's OK.

You did.

You want some coffee

or something?

That would be really nice.

This making out is a lot of fun.

But I'm ready--how do you say--

to schlafenzeit.

Yeah. Schlafenzeit.

Anything you say.

No. What are you doing?

Schlafenzeit. Sleepy time.

I'm going to bed now.

I'm sleepy.

No, stay. We'll cuddle.

Good night.

So...your fiance...

Barry. He's in medical school.

He's flying up

in a couple of days to see me.

That's gonna be a little tricky

unless he's a pilot, too.

He's a pilot, too?

He's a doctor and a pilot?

I think I want to have sex

with this guy.

I have to go now.

Let me show you out.

I just--I want you to know

that I am happy for you.

And...this Barry guy is lucky.

Thank you.

Good night.

Go.

Oh, my God.

You need help don't you?

Just a sec.

How's the hot tub, Luke?

You know,

the Eskimo have nine words...

for a hell mooch

stuck in a hot tub.

Hell, they only got

eight words for snow.

There we go.

Yeah, physics, really.

Expansion and contraction.

All right.

Right here.

One.

Two.

Three!

Was it worth it?

Rough night?

I've had worse.

Thanks.

Anna's getting married.

To some rich asswipe

doctor dude named Barry.

He's coming in

day after tomorrow.

-Ouch!

-Thanks, man.

No. I got molested

by a hot tub last night.

It's a long story.

You know what I really hate

about this chick...

is that I think--I know

that I'm in love with her.

And...it sucks.

-Have you told her this?

-No, not really.

Well, listen, you've got

to do it before it's too late.

Before she becomes

Mrs. Doctor Asswipe.

Otherwise, you're gonna

regret it your whole life.

"No regrets." That's my motto.

That and "Everybody

Wang Chung Tonight."

You know what? You're right.

You're absolutely right.

I'm not gonna let Anna

get away again.

When this Barry guy gets here,

I'm gonna have to face him.

And I'm gonna look at him

and tell him...

like a sensible mature adult...

"Finders keepers,

losers weepers, pal."

I'll have to work on that one.

And if he doesn't like it...

we'll kick his ass.

Definitely.

Attention, all guests...

Where's Jenny?

I don't want to go!

You're going back in line.

Hey, fellas.

Great day, isn't it?

Man, who the hell are you?

I'm the new Team Snownook

patrol leader.

"Keepin' it real

while keepin' it safe."

You on the roof,

knock off the grab-ass.

What the hell is going on here?

Don't you eyeball me!

Hey, Luke, why don't you

mind your own beeswax...

before my fist makes

an appointment with your ass?

Eric, you ever notice

that you're always...

talking about putting something

up my ass?

And that time,

it wasn't even a threat.

Technically, that was flirting.

Wait a second.

Where are you going

with the bull?

Talk to the horn!

Where are you taking the bull?

Listen, I've had it with these

jackass employees of yours.

This morning, there was a boy...

with his little Elvis

stuck in my hot tub.

Now, how in the hell

does that happen?

Well, the jets

can feel quite nice--

Stop talking.

Effective immediately...

I'm taking some steps

to clean this place up.

Poured out

a perfectly good beer.

I love that smell.

That's the smell

of you all getting fired.

What, fired?

Welcome to your first

random drug test.

I'll need you

to fill these cups.

Go make tinkle,

or it's your job.

I don't have to write a test

to tell you that I take drugs.

Pig Pen, you go to the bathroom

in the cup!

Jeez. He's way too into this.

Drink up, half-pint.

I will have your ass!

How you doing tonight?

Thanks a lot.

How you doin', ladies?

Ladies.

Private party tonight, guys.

We're cool, man.

We're regulars here.

Just ask Lance.

What part of "private party"

did you miss?

Hey, there, Rick.

Nice monkey suit.

I barely even recognize

this place.

-A little face lift.

-Can I get a beer?

Hey, Village Person,

why don't you be a macho man...

and cut me some limes?

Hello, stranger.

You clean up pretty nice,

Rambis.

Thank you.

You look amazing.

Thank you.

Would you like to dance?

Sure.

You're not wearing underwear.

You can't with this dress.

Your excuse is better than mine.

Sweetheart.

I need to borrow Fred Astaire

here for one hot minute.

Dance with Tito there.

He loves to boogie.

-Hi, John!

-Hi, boys.

And then I just sneaked in,

and...

What did they do to the bar?

How did you guys get in?

The back door was unlocked.

There's gonna be some

big changes on the mountain...

once I get in the driver's seat.

But I wanted you to know

that I want you to stay on...

and to run

the day-to-day operations...

and be the new manager

of Snownook.

You serious?

Of course I'm serious.

Here's your contract.

Take a gander.

-That's a big number.

-Not bad.

But as the new manager...

all my friends

get to stay on board, right?

You drive a hard bargain,

son, but done deal.

Thanks, John.

Don't thank me.

You deserve it.

Welcome to the team, pard.

You are good.

You're messing with--

I'm gonna take Kung Fu

and kick your friggin' ass.

We'll have the party

at our place.

We don't need their

fancy-shmancy sh*t...

and their blue ropes.

What's up, man?

What's going on here?

If you ain't on the list...

there's nothing

I can do for you, buddy.

Ladies, how you doing?

-I'm good.

-Mind if we join you?

Not at all. Go on, have fun.

I'm likin' that. Come on, man.

Give me a break. What's up?

Are you from around here?

OK, then $40.

All the locals in free. Come on.

Let me get some of that.

Cheers!

Ladies, you're missing out.

Say hello to the new manager...

of the mountain.

You straight?

Come here!

Hey, everybody!

Cut the music off!

Pig Pen, put her down!

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