Out Cold Page #5

Our friend

little Rick Rambis...

is the new manager

of the mountain, y'all!

And you're all fired!

Every one of you!

Are you saying that

I have to kiss your ass now?

As long as you shave.

-Shave what?

-My ass!

Hey, boss, I'm gonna

call in sick tomorrow, OK?

-Hey, congratulations, boss!

-Thank you.

Watch your hands, mister.

I could sue you

for sexual harassment now.

I'm gonna get me some.

Look, just because

I'm your boss...

doesn't mean things

change between us, OK?

Is that a good thing

or a bad thing?

She has a fiance, Rick.

I know.

Look, your personal life

is none of my business...

but I don't want

to make a habit...

out of being your

little shoulder to cry on, OK?

Look, I know. I was just--

Yeah. Go. Get outta here.

Can I talk to you?

What I have to say isn't really

gonna take that much time.

I've been practicing.

Anna, I love you.

Rick, don't.

Look,

I'm not gonna lose you again.

Not to Barry, not to anybody.

I want to fight for you.

And...I think

that you should tell Barry...

that things are over

between you two.

You're really not making

my life easy, you know that?

I'm not an easy guy.

There you are! Come inside.

You look so beautiful tonight...

I wanted to see

if you wanted to dance.

Come on. Not you.

Him in his white tuxedo.

No, you didn't.

Beautiful.

Why, those dirty

little bastards.

I know it sucks...

that they're ruining

the town and everything...

but this

is the best vanilla latte...

I have ever had

in my entire life.

You can actually taste

the vanilla beans that these--

I don't like the coffee.

Rick, check it,

the doctor is in!

It's show time, baby, come on!

So, you girls like Porsches?

Later.

Let's kick his ass!

No, let's handle ourselves

like adults.

Be mature about this.

Adults kick other adults' asses

all the time.

Rick, this is Barry.

What's up, Rick? Hey, guys.

Just give me a second here.

I'm having second thoughts

about kicking this guy's ass.

God.

First floor, Alaska.

What's up, guys?

It's great to finally meet you.

Anna has told me

a lot about you.

Who's the jacuzzi Casanova?

That's him right there!

They call him that...

'cause he had himself up in it,

you know, lovin' it strong.

-Thank you, Stumpy.

-No problem!

Take these twice a day...

and you will be back

at the plate in no time.

Will these make it bigger?

That'd be nice.

So, are you, like,

a crippled guy?

No. I'm just a really lazy guy.

It happened at the X Games

a couple of years ago.

Piled into a fence.

Pretty messy.

They show the clip

on ESPN all the time.

In the intro

for "Sports Bloopers"?

-You're that dude?

-I'm that dude.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I wipe out all the time.

Ever since I was a little kid...

I wanted to be either

a doctor or a blooper...

so it's basically win-win for me

except now I can't feel my legs.

Pig Pen, what are you doing?

He doesn't feel that.

So, anyway, what the hell

does a guy gotta do...

to get a drink in this town?

Actually, I'll catch up

to you guys later.

I have to--nice to meet you.

Used to be my bar,

but they kind of took it away.

They got wine, if you want wine.

What?

Staff room, right now,

or so help me, I will get my--

You don't even have

to say it, Eric. I know.

Come on. Let's move.

Got a little surprise

for you boys.

Anthony, Luke, Pierre...

Pierre? Your name's Pierre?

Majors is really pissed.

He thinks you're all

totally incompetent.

He's given me no choice.

You're fired.

Effective immediately.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I've nothing against you...

but it's either this,

or he won't buy the mountain.

Muntz! How can you do this?

I mean,

this is all that we have.

What's Pierre gonna do?

He's very stupid.

And you're gonna side

with Majors...

who calls you a retard

to your face?

We say stuff like that, too,

but not to your face.

And you know why?

We're your friends.

You guys brought this

on yourselves.

The hot tub, the drug test--

you're disrupting

the whole town.

Now...you didn't help me out,

and now I can't help you out.

I'm sorry.

Knock, knock.

Hey there, Rick.

Welcome to the winning team.

Got you a little gift.

I'll see you out there.

Hey, thanks a lot.

"Hey there, Rick.

Welcome to the winning team.

"Got you a little gift.

I'll see you out there."

Those bastards.

We rule.

I'm sorry, guys.

My dad can be a jerk, I know...

but it's not like you get

to pick your parents.

Needed burnin'.

What are we gonna do now?

I'm not good at anything else.

Not that I was good at this,

whatever this whole thing was...

but at least

it was familiar to me.

I can fly you guys

down to Anchorage if you want.

You guys can get rides

from there to wherever.

Look, if worse

comes to worse...

we can always get jobs

on an oil rig.

Our uncle works on one in Nome,

and we'd be great at that.

Pig Pen, you're on fire.

Guys on oil rigs

get laid a lot, right?

On their occasional break...

from their 1 9-hour work day

in the freezing sleet...

yeah, they get laid

all the time, Pig Pen.

All right, I'm down.

I'm in.

We should go

and say good-bye to Rick.

He knows that we're leaving...

then he's gonna

throw it all away.

So...we have to do

the honorable thing...

and steal a few street signs...

and leave town

with our tail between our legs.

Oh, my God, guys.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know where to start.

Ever since they took

my bar away from me...

I've been doing

a lot of thinking.

A lot of drinking

and a lot of thinking.

A lot of thinking

about why I act the way I do.

Why I feel the need to have

countless sexual conquests...

one after the other...

and I think it's due

to the fact that I'm...

I don't know how to say this.

I'm...

Gay?

What?

Gay?

Come on, guys!

Mr. October batting

for the other team?

Lance, everybody knows.

Nobody cares.

It's OK. You know?

I mean...

if you weren't gay,

you'd be a pretty weird guy.

Really.

Come on.

I was just gonna say

that I was adopted, but...

since we're having

this conversation...

Hey, Rick, lookin' good.

Money suits you.

Thanks, Mr. Majors.

Mr. Majors?

What happened to John?

After all,

you're practically family now.

And not that bogus

Majors Resort "family"...

that I tell the minimum wagers

they're in, either.

Where are all my friends?

They're gone, Rick.

Business 1 01.

Listen, I was doing you a favor.

See, those guys

are just dead weight.

Now you can run this place

to your full potential.

You'll make a boatload.

Maybe you'll marry my daughter.

I got work to do.

Get that statue out of here!

This thing weighs a ton!

Who is this guy?

What the...

Bull Mountain!

Don't go changin'!

Get that sign straight, guys!

I quit!

That's a $300 hat, b*tch!

I can't believe I was so stupid!

Rick! Jeez, I've been

looking everywhere for you.

Barry is flying the guys

to Anchorage.

-What do you mean?

-They're leaving, Rick. Come on.

I've always wanted

to be a flight attendant.

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