Out to Sea Page #3

Just an expression.

Let's go.

It's just like

the beach at Normandy.

Gentlemen, I didn't hire you

to be wallflowers.

I don't want anyone on my ship

ever to feel ignored.

Mrs. Carruthers, may I

have the great pleasure?

Ah. Oh.

Kiss-ass.

Take it, fellas!

- I'm Mac. Welcome aboard.

- Thank you, Mac.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Where do you think you're going?

Oh, taking on a lot of water

in the forward compartment, sir.

Oh, God.

You have two minutes.

Go.

- Any time you're ready, Herb.

- Huh?

Silly old me. I do expect my dance

hosts to actually dance.

Well, of course, yeah. It's just that

I don't know if I'm up to...

I'll tell you the truth, Gil.

- I lost my wife not too long ago.

- Oh, good. Good.

Tell it to the ladies.

They eat it up.

Um, do I take a number

or, uh...

may I serve myself?

Yeah. Well, I'm

kind of new at this.

Well, you can dance,

can't you?

Ohh!

Oh, you can dance.

Ohh!

Oh, I sure hope

these pins hold.

- What pins?

- Oh, nothing serious.

They just keep my legs

attached to my hips.

Da-da

- Have you ever seen so much food in your life?

- Spectacular!

I was a size four

when I got on this ship.

Excuse me for butting in, but don't

I know you from someplace?

- W-Well, I don't know...

- Pardon me.

Uh...

That's a good smoke.

Sometimes.

Whoo-hoo.!

- I like it.

- Bravo.

Oh, thank you very much.

Is there a seat open there?

- Oh, yes, of course.

- Well, sure.

- Pull up a chair.

- Here we go.

- Looks like it's your lucky night, kid.

- It is that. It is.

Luck had absolutely

nothing to do with it.

She played that hand splendidly.

Absolutely splendidly.

- Why, thank you.

- That's okay. You can drop the accent now.

You want a refill

on this, kid?

- Your glass was empty.

- Oh, thanks.

Name's Charlie Gordon.

I'm single and I'm lookin'.

Liz LaBreche. I'm single and I ain't

lookin', but thanks for the drink.

- Cheers.

- You're welcome.

- They call me Gordo on the street.

- What street is that, Gordo?

Wall Street.

You ever hear of it?

What exactly do you do

on Wall Street?

Well, I have a small

hot dog stand.

When things go badly

over there...

I'm in the mergers

and acquisitions game.

The buy-in's $1,000.

A thousand dollars. That reminds me

of my first year of college.

Where exactly did you

go to college, Gordo?

Oh, that's a little place

called F.U.

- Your name, sir, is...

- Carswell.

Now, boys, boys, boys.

Let's not have a pissin' match here.

We're here to play cards.

Let's play.

Yes, we're here

to play poker...

if you can raise

the thousand dollars.

Oh, a thousand dollars. May I have

that deck for a minute, please?

I'll give it right back to you.

I just want to take a look.

I'll bet you $5,000

even money...

top card's a picture.

- Even money?

- Yes, sir.

- You've got yourself a bet.

- Okay.

Turn it over.

You owe me $5,000.

That was a lot of fun.

I'll tell you what...

let's go again for 10, huh?

You don't have to

if you don't want to.

If you want to quit right now, it's okay

with me. I'll give you the five grand.

Let's make it 20.

Yes. Yes. I like that.

Now we're having some fun.

Twenty?

You want to bet $20,000

the top card is not a picture?

You've got a deal.

Okay, boy.

$20,000. Turn it over.

Turn it over, please.

Whew.

That's very interesting.

Oh, boy, is that interesting.

You want to

double it again?

Yes.

Enough of this child's play.

I owe you $15,000.

- All right.

- Let's play poker.

Okay. Here we go.

That's a lot of fun.

- I'm gonna get a brownie.

- A brownie? Yeah.

- L...

- Oh. Sorry.

We shall have to call the Guinness Book

of Records about your friend Charlie.

Now what?

- He's taking the longest piss in recorded freaking history.

- Oh.

There's a lady at table 16 who's arrived

late. I suggest you welcome her.

Okay. Where's table 16?

Over there.

Oh, what a lovely room.

- Oh, that, uh... that... lady.

- Mm-hmm.

Hi there. Excuse me.

- Hello.

- Nice to see you're still on board.

Thank you. I just wondered

if you'd care to dance.

Actually, I've seen you move. How do I

know you won't trip and drag me overboard?

Well, you don't.

But I swim even better

than I dance.

- Go for it, Mom.

- I promise I won't bite.

Here goes nothing.

I haven't danced

in a long time.

Slow, slow,

quick-quick.

Don't look down.

Look at me. That's it.

Honey, tell me I did the right thing

by bringing Mom along.

You did the right thing.

Mmm. Now let's go sneak inside

one of those lifeboats.

You and whoever

you used to dance with...

you must have been

great together.

Now promenade.

Yeah, that would be Suzie and me.

We danced all night long

at our wedding...

and it seems like we never

stopped dancing for 46 years.

- What a lovely image.

- Oh, thank you.

Now tell me all about you.

Everything.

- Everything?

- Sure.

- It's only a 10-day cruise. - Well,

give me the Reader's Digest version.

Okay.

- I live in New York.

- Yeah.

- I was a book editor at Doubleday.

- Ooh.

- Mother of two.

- Mm-hmm.

Recent widow of one.

And I was... I was shanghaied here

by... by newlyweds.

- Oh.

- Mmm.

- The bride is my daughter.

- Oh, well, I'm sure that she meant well.

- I'm sure.

- Are you having any fun?

- I don't know yet.

- Well, whad'ya know.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That was, uh, fun.

- Yeah.

- Doctor...

- Oh, uh, Sullivan. Call me Herb.

- Vivian.

I could use a little fresh air.

- Join me?

- Ye... Oh.

- Well, I'd love to.

- I promise I won't bite.

You know something? I'm gonna go along

with you in case you change your mind.

Are you getting

enough zeroes in there?

- Eighteen thousand.

- Thank you.

Enjoying the company

of a stunning lady...

is all I wish to take away

from this table, sir.

Mere confetti.

Confetti, sir.

- Excuse me.

- Very, very nice.

I once heard that if a whale

loses its mate...

it never takes another.

Do you suppose that could really happen?

I haven't spoken

to a lot of whales lately, but...

hell, if it was perfect

the first time, then...

My feelings...

My feelings exactly.

Ooh.

Better not fall

on our heads.

What, this? Oh, no, that's

50-gauge cable.

Hell, that could hold a couple

of elephants playing patty-cake.

Either you know your elephants

or you know your cable.

I was a swabbie.

Pacific area.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Did you ever have to get in one of those?

- No, ma'am.

Thank God.

Matowski did though.

- Who?

- Ensign Myron Matowski.

He was nuts about this Filipino girl,

and her parents objected...

so one night they put her in a boat

to send her to another island.

Matowski hijacks one of these lifeboats,

gets in there...

whoosh... out he goes,

sends up a flare.

He damn near started

a naval battle.

- Did she see the flare?

- Are you kidding?

The last I heard, they were workin' on

their sixth grandchild...

and she had her own brand of applesauce.

So... So tell me...

how does a swabbie

become a doctor?

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