Out to Sea Page #4

A what?

Yeah.

L- I wanted to explain

that to you.

- You don't have to explain.

- Yes... No, I wanted to... explain it.

- That's...

- Well, would you like to walk me to my cabin?

Yeah, I would,

but I-I-I ca-ca-can't.

I can take a hint.

No. What hint?

I promised a couple of chest butchers

that I'd have a brandy with them.

Right.

Chest butchers?

What the hell kind

of a moron are you?

Now, why would you go

and do something like that?

- To impress you.

- Oh!

Oh. Well, keep it up.

It just might work.

Mr. Gordon.!

What you do, like samurai.

Great style.

You have

most terrible accent.

- Where you learn Japanese?

- Okinawa.

- Oh.

- It's a small sushi joint on the Sunset Strip.

Where were you?

A passenger requested

an escort, sir.

- Fraternizing.

- Nobody "fratted" anybody.

- All we did was... Oh, my God.

- Don't tell me that.

Coming through, please.

Injured man here. Injury.

Well, if it isn't the Phantom

of the Ballroom.

I oughta sue you guys.

Everything around here

is so slippery and wet.

- It's an ocean liner.

- I may never dance again.

Aga... I haven't

seen you dance yet.

Fortunately for you,

I found the infirmary.

The infirmary is closed

at this hour.

- That's what I found out.

- Look, let...

Let me... Let me speak

candidly, gentlemen.

I am this close

to a promotion...

that would make me

vice president of entertainment.

Wow.

I intend to get that job...

by showing how well I can keep

two old d*ckheads like you in line.

- Oh, now, listen, you...

- No, you listen.

Don't mess with me.

I'm your worst nightmare.

A song-and-dance man

raised on a military base.

Dismissed.

Hoo.!

Now, you seem to be

annoyed with me, Herbie.

Tell me if I'm wrong.

And what's this about you

leaving the dance floor?

None of your business.

None of my business.

How do you like that?

- Why are you sterilizing your trousers?

- I'm steaming them.

Oh. Then what are you gonna do,

eat 'em with garlic butter?

It takes the wrinkles out,

you imbecile!

Huh. A man who's steaming

his pants at midnight.

- That generally means there's a broad.

- No broad.

Well, that's too bad,

because I got one lined up.

Rich. Texas rich.

With an ass so beautiful...

it's a shame she

has to sit down on it.

Will you do me a favor and

just knock that stuff off?

I'm sorry.

I forgot you were cooking.

Now that you've got this girl, how long

is it gonna be before she finds out...

you're not the man

she thought you were?

- By then, she'll be in love.

- In love with a lie.

Nobody's perfect.

I think a man should always tell a woman

the truth before she falls in love.

Otherwise, how do you

know it's real?

What's real is, if I play my cards right,

I'll wind up on easy street.

Once I'm there,

I'm inviting you over every Sunday.

- I don't want to have

anything to do with this.

- Okay, then don't come over.

She thinks I'm a doctor.

- Who?

- Oh, nobody.

You met a broad.

Da-da

Y- You're crazy. Years of insanity

have made you crazy.

- Do I look crippled or not?

- Yeah, crippled up here.

Oh, cut it out!

Most of you will work the dance class

from 10:
00 to 11:00...

and the wine and cheese

tasting from 12:
00 to 1:00.

Please use moderation.

The last thing I need is flatulating

dance hosts staggering about the ship.

I bet his father was cruise director

on the Bismarck.

Think of yourselves...

as butterflies, gentlemen...

and our guests as flowers.

Your job is to pollinate the flowers

with hospitality.

This guy's been at sea

too long.

And if you screw up,

I am personally going to see to it...

that you are removed from the ship and

charged the full round-trip passage...

of $5,462.51 as indicated

in your contracts.

What the hell is...

Five thou... Five thousand?

You told me 2,000!

As for you, Mr. Gordon, Dr. Johanson

will see you at 1100 hours sharp.

I don't think that's necessary, sir.

The foot just needs rest.

You will remain off

your... injured foot...

until Dr. Johanson says otherwise.

Are we clear?

Yes, sir. Clear!

Extremely clear, sir.

Brilliant.

Dismissed.

All passengers

disembarking at Playa del Carmen...

please report

to tender deck, midship.

Those of you attending the festival

must board the fiesta bus at 4:10.

Remember, the last tender...

will return from shore

at 4:
30.

Well... look who's here.

Flowers and all.

I'll bet they're for me.

- Who else would they be for?

- Save it... Hoss.

- Come on in.

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Sure appreciate it.

You know, the first day you was in here,

sniffing around like a yard dog?

I knew you'd be back.

Ma, for the love of Pete.!

- Who's Pete? My competition?

- That's right.

And guess who I'm rootin' for?

- Oh, Charlie!

- Hi.

- Oh, it's so nice to see you.

- Oh, yeah.

Are these for me?

- No.

- No?

- Oh, yes!

- Ohh.

They're just beautiful.

I didn't want to be

too showy.

Oh, well, yours are very tasteful.

Thank you, Charlie.

- Thank you.

- I have to get dressed.

Why don't you talk to Ma?

Ma'll keep you company. Excuse me.

- Okay.

- I want you to behave yourself, Charlie.

You see, I saw the way you were starin'

at my daughter's... chest.

- Oh, I used to be a cardiologist.

- Really?

So I'm almost ready.

Charlie, would you like

to walk with me?

- I'd be delighted.

- Oh, thank you.

- Ma, we'll see you later.

- Have fun.

I'll try to find a shot glass

for those flowers.

- She's darling, isn't she?

- That's Ma.

- Oh, there you are.

- Hello.

We really must hurry.

The bus is leaving in 10 minutes.

- Hello there, sport.

- Hello.

- Why don't you come with us?

- I've been told that the tour is full.

Oh, about those flowers...

thank you so much.

They're beautiful. I love them.

See you later?

- Have a good day, Gordo.

- Ta-ta.

There's something about that man

I really don't like.

- Don't you agree?

- That you don't like him?

I'd agree with that.

Ha-ha!

They call this dancing?

I did this in line at the A&P.

Well, the view is right.

- I used to have an ass like that.

- Guys, pay attention.

Would you mind

standing back, please?

Let me show you how

this is done, okay?

Ship-to-shore call

for Mr. Cullen Carswell.

That's you!

That sounds excitin'.

I'm sorry, Liz. I'll try

to wrap it up quickly.

- Why don't I just go ahead

and I'll save you a seat?

- All right.

- Ship-to-shore for Carswell.

- Oh, yes, sir.

It's an overseas call

from Mr. Donald Trump.

He's calling from Zurich.

Says it's urgent.

Is there a telephone handy

with some privacy?

You can take it in the second booth

there on your right.

Thank you.

Hello. This is Cullen Carswell.

I'll take my call now.

- One moment, sir.

- Hello.

Hello, Mr. Carswell. Hello.

- Who is this?

This is the international

operator.

I have momentarily

lost your congestion.

Please hold

for Mr. Trump.

Yes, I'll hold,

but please hurry.

- Are you holding, sir?

- Yes, yes, I'm holding.

Is this Mr. Car-smell?

Carswell!

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