Pagafantas Page #3

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Weren't you meeting someone?

I didn't know

Miss Begoa was coming.

We'll put her in front,

she'll be no trouble.

How are you, Jaime?

Don't worry, I'll do it.

- Chema, give me a hand.

- Jose Mari...

Give me that octopus.

I'll tie her down.

Hurry, Claudia's due any minute.

Be very careful about one thing.

Don't let her hug you.

What?

One thing I hate doing

is giving advice,

but if she hugs you, forget it.

But couples hug...

I'm talking about

what we used to call

"the koala hug".

The curious marsupial

known as the koala

is famous for

its slow-moving ways

and for its resemblance

to a cuddly toy.

One of the koala's most

remarkable features

is the tendency of the young

to cling fondly to its parents.

Among humans,

"doing a koala"

is giving a friendly hug,

not a sexual one.

The person hugged

becomes a kind of cuddly toy.

There is only one more painful

variation of "the koala hug".

"The koala hug

with pats on the back".

Invent something,

but if she hugs you, that's it.

She'll just be your friend.

Claudia and I aren't just friends.

Take my advice and remember

what I said about the hug.

Baby, get on!

- What is this?

- I got the job!

Hurry up! Get on!

- No, let's walk...

- Come on!

Are you sure

Miss Begoa will be OK?

Yes.

How's Jose Mari doing

in the store?

Great.

Put on your seatbelt.

These days...

Since he split up with Elisa...

Are we going now?

Can't you go slower?

The bike's second hand.

I'm testing it out.

Do you owe anyone money,

or anything like that?

No, why?

We're being followed.

I'm going to stop, and I bet

the idiot behind stops too.

Why have you stopped here?

Forget about them, come on.

Ah, yes, because...

Don't you think that

at times we live too fast?

You're being very odd.

Yes, but do we live too fast,

yes or no?

I don't know why you're being

followed, but I'm going to help you.

- What are you doing to do?

- Hang on.

- What are you going to do?

- Hang on tight.

I don't think we live too fast,

or maybe we do...

Why are you asking?

It's the signal!

What?

Jesus!

- Where are you going?

- It's a short cut.

Where are you going?

Sh*t!

Miss Begoa, are you all right?

She gets out so rarely

I bet she's having a ball.

What a wallop!

Did you see what happened?

- F*** them.

- No, I mean, yes, f*** them.

I just wonder where they are.

They won't be following you

for a while.

I'd a Mexican boyfriend

who was always in trouble.

But in Bilbao is it normal

for people to chase you?

It's a cultural thing,

we do it occasionally.

Don't you do it in Argentina?

No, I guess not.

So, what'll we do here?

First give me a hug.

We've escaped from the baddies.

- No!

- What's wrong?

Must it be a hug?

Don't you want to hug me?

Yes, of course, I've wanted

to hug you for ages,

but I can't.

Because of the hair cut.

I love it.

If you hug me, it'll move and...

"Give me a hug, man."

OK, but be careful,

don't mess it up.

Don't worry about your hair.

I've got a surprise for you.

I've got a new product.

No, don't take it off.

I'll get a towel.

No, some water

always gets sprayed

and it'd ruin the jacket.

Is that Enrique Bunbury?

Sure.

Do you like him too?

I've been a fan since I was seven!

I'm crazy about him!

No, you're kidding me.

You're just saying it to...

I'm serious!

I saw him live three times.

I even brought his posters with me.

What? I've been a fan of his

all my life.

And I always encouraged him

to carry on.

You encouraged him... What?

I spent all my summers

in Saragossa, years ago.

I didn't want to tell you

but we're kind of buddies.

No, I'm lying,

we're thick as thieves.

This is crazy!

Don't get the wrong idea.

All I did was,

you know, cheer him up

when he was down,

and retouch some of his lyrics.

Yeah? Which ones?

I don't know, lots of them.

No, come on, tell me which ones.

Well, "Between two lands".

- That's yours?

- Yes.

Yes, yes.

At first it was:

"You're between two heavens".

I said:
F*** it, Quique,

"Between two lands" sounds better.

It isn't normal

that we get on so well.

You might think I'm very pushy,

but you knock me out.

I don't think you're pushy at all.

Close your eyes, this stings.

Do you realize?

We've got so much in common.

I want to tell you something.

Whatever you want.

I don't know if you feel

the same as I do, but...

I think I know what you mean.

I was going to tell you today.

For me, you're like

my best friend.

Do you know

if uncle Jaime's all right?

If you knew what he did

with the van. He...

Can I ask you a question?

Oh, Jose Mari,

I don't like your new hairstyle

but if you're happy with it...

- it's about uncle Jaime.

- What's wrong with him?

What's uncle Jaime for you?

What do you mean?

What does he mean for you?

We've known each other for years,

he was a friend of your father.

What would happen

if he felt something for you?

Don't be silly!

He's like a brother for me.

Yes, but what if he wanted

something more?

What if he wanted to be

your boyfriend, for example?

That won't happen.

Just imagine it.

What would he have to do

for you to see him differently?

Nothing.

Isn't there anything?

I don't know, go to the gym

or dress differently.

It's impossible.

But, why?

Look, love,

there are some men you see one way,

and others you see another.

- But that...

- And that never changes.

Now go to bed, it's late.

Congratulations, love.

It's after midnight.

It's your birthday.

Thanks.

You're a Pagafantas.

Pagafantas.

A person who thinks

he's in a relationship

and doesn't realize he'll never

sleep with the other person.

For unknown reasons,

the Pagafantas does not arouse

any sexual interest whatsoever

in the other person.

While it's difficult

to recognize a Pagafantas,

some gestures do give him away.

He's the only one still doing

the robot when he dances.

The one who consoles the girl

when her heart's broken.

A Pagafantas never takes advantage

of a friend who's drunk.

In the animal kingdom

no other species

behaves in this way.

No, don't.

Are you OK?

Well...

"Sh*t, this guy's going

to tell me something."

Yes, it's something important.

Sebastian rang me yesterday.

- Who?

- An ex-boyfriend.

He wants to come here.

He's an astronomer.

To work, he says.

Like hell.

I know I behaved badly,

but I never want to see him again.

I told him I was dating you.

You don't mind?

No, not at all, if you like

we can start dating.

No, I mean, do you mind

that I told him that?

No, no, if you're happy...

I know it's a lie,

but not a big one.

We're together all day.

That way, I needn't see him.

What were you going to say?

Nothing, it wasn't...

Wasn't it important?

No.

Mom...

Yeah, a bit.

What's wrong?

I'm on my way.

Yeah, I'll go right now.

What is it?

My mother wants me to check

if she turned off the gas.

I'll go with you.

- To my home?

- Yes, I don't want to go anywhere.

- OK, OK.

- OK.

I don't really live here.

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