Paint Your Wagon Page #4

and I'll give you my name proudly.

You're Mrs Ben Rumson,

and I'll kill

any man that says you ain't,

and I'll stick to it till I move on,

which is when the gold pinches out

or the first snow of winter.

You...

you ain't gonna claim duress later

just cos I held a gun on you?

No, ma'am,

I ain't going to claim duress.

I seem to lack all sense

of shame with you, Mr Rumson.

Hey, Ben!

These men came all the way

from Fiddler's Camp

just to see your wife.

Hiya, Ben!

Well, looks like I married myself

a tourist attraction.

Some of these boys hiked 15 miles.

Ben, how's married life?

Pardner, it was so good,

I forgot that I was married.

Wow. I'd hike 15 miles

to look at that myself.

I can see it ain't gonna be easy

married to the only woman

in these mountains.

All right, boys!

The lady wants a cabin to live in,

a proper cabin made out of wood

that'll hold up in the winter!

So just don't sit there gaping -

get to work!

# Send back the world

# There's too much night for me

# The sky is much too high

to shelter me

# When darkness falls

# Four cabin walls

# Would be just right for me

# I need a threshold I can cross

# Where I can sit

and gather moss forevermore

# A million miles away

# Behind the door

# Roll up the plains

# There's too much view for me

# There's so much space

# Between the waiting heart

and whispered word

# It's never heard

# One room will do for me

# Where every evening

I can stare at someone

# Smiling from his chair

across the floor

# A million miles away

# Behind the door

# Where every evening

I can stare at someone

# Smiling from his chair

across the floor

# A million miles away

# Behind the door

# No fears

# No fools

# No lies

# No rules

# Just doing with my life

# What life is for

# A million miles away

# Behind

# The door #

Elizabeth.

Elizabeth?

Elizabeth?

Where have you been?

I was down at the rapids

taking a bath.

You mean you was taking a bath?

I mean I was taking a bath.

What do you think I mean?

You was down at the rapids just now,

bare beam... and buck naked?

I'm not like to take a bath

with my clothes on, Mr Rumson.

Are you trying to tell me

you was taking a bath?

That's right. I was taking a bath.

In the middle of the night?

Mr Rumson,

in a community of 400 men,

would you rather I took my bath

bare beam and buck naked

in the middle of the day?

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with me?

I ain't running around in the

middle of the night in MY drawers.

Hey! Hey, boys!

Listen to this.

"The proprietors of the

Hares and Hounds Club in Sonora

"wish to announce that six ladies

"are expected to arrive by stage

from San Francisco

"on the 15th of August."

How about that, huh?

That's a hundred miles away.

What good is that gonna do us?

Ain't no one trying

to steal your wife, Ben.

I'll admit there's a few

who wouldn't mind trying.

Horace Tabor, for instance.

He likes to give her a look.

Horace Tabor?

Come on, Ben.

He just looks. She doesn't

encourage him or anybody else.

But you're beginning

to cut a comical figure.

Everybody's laughing at you.

I would've never thought of Tabor.

What the hell

are you looking at, Horace Tabor?

I'm looking for my stirring stick.

You make any more

advances towards my wife,

and I'm gonna shoot you down

like mother-lovin' the dog you are!

That goes for the rest

of you horny gorillas!

You want something to do?

Put up your money for them six

French tarts coming into Sonora!

But keep your lusting,

lechering minds off of my wife!

I'd advise you, Rumson,

not to refer to me as a dog again.

-Is that clear?

-I'll stick my fist in your ear!

-Why you!

-Grab Tabor! Stop him!

Get back! Get ahold of him!

Mr Rumson!

-Rumson, I...

-Mr Rumson!

Nobody has behaved unseemly to me.

I have been treated with nothing

but kindness in this camp,

and you owe every one of these men,

especially Mr Tabor, an apology.

By God, you're right!

I don't know what's come over me.

I've been behaving like a damn fool,

and I wish to beg

your communal pardons,

and especially yours, Horace Tabor.

Well, I suppose if I was married

to the only woman

in the neighbourhood,

I might be just as demented.

And, Mrs Rumson! Uh, Mrs Rumson,

may I extend my compliments?

You are as wise as you are fair.

Get your hands off me!

That lunatic tried to kill me!

I demand a town meeting...

...to consider

a proper course of action.

Yeah...

If that knife

had come one inch lower,

I would not be here today.

That's right. Yeah.

My fellow citizens, as long

as that madman prowls among us,

-no one is safe.

-Yeah.

Therefore, we must

find a solution by tonight.

Let us not wait until the condition

worsens... or his aim improves!

-Yeah!

-Order!

Mr Chairman!

The chair recognises Ezra Atwell.

I would like

to ask Ben Rumson directly

if he doesn't think

that with a little sober effort

he could control

these fits of jealousy?

No. It's getting worse every day.

Sorry, I can't help you.

The chair recognises Ben's pardner.

Thank you, Mr Holbrook.

I've been giving it

some considerable thought

ever since Ben Rumson,

my pardner here, poor bastard...

Oh, excuse me, ma'am...

Well, ever since he became a lunatic.

What's putting

the strain on Ben's mind

is having the only woman

for 90 miles around here.

Now, my proposal is that we

get some more women for this town.

How you gonna get women

to come up here?

Order!

I know where we can get some women.

The six French bawds arriving

in Sonora a week Saturday.

Ben, you're right.

Why don't we get them

to come up here instead?

How? If I was a French bawd,

I'd go to Sonora.

If you was a French bawd,

we'd have no trouble.

How will we get 'em up here?

They gotta take

the stage from Sacramento

and change horses

at Starbottle's Pass.

So five of us go down there,

hijack that stage,

re-route them tarts up here instead.

What's so hard about that?

It all sounds just fine to me.

-When do we go?!

-Order! Order!

Is it your proposal, Mr Rumson,

that we knock out

the stage driver, steal a coach,

and kidnap six women?

Sounds better every time I hear it.

You fail to see

what's wrong with this?

What's wrong?

Well, if you don't consider

assault and battery,

grand larceny and kidnapping wrong,

what the hell do you consider wrong?

-Oh, you maniac!

-Sit down!

-You insane man!

-Schermerhorn, you're out of order!

-What?

-I yield the floor.

Proceed, Schermerhorn.

-What?

-Speak!

You maniac! You insane man!

What do you think them people

in Sonora will do

when we hijack their Fruleins?

They grab their guns

and come up here to get them back!

Order, order!

-Gentlemen!

-Mr Atwell has the floor.

Gentlemen, it is 50 miles

from here to Starbottle's

without a road or a trail.

Not even my mule can do it.

Oh, you lunatics!

Besides a civil war with Sonora,

you want to put us

in the white slave business!

Schermerhorn, you're out of order!

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