Paint Your Wagon Page #6

you'd ever have would be deep ones,

and if you had 'em for Elizabeth,

you'd come and tell me

before you would her.

That's right, Ben.

That's what I'd do.

You're a good man, Pardner.

That's what

I was coming to do, Ben...

tell you I got

some deep feelings for Elizabeth.

Ben, you hit me one more time,

I'll bust your skull open.

Nothing's happened,

and nothing's gonna happen...

cos I'm leaving.

You're breaking up the partnership?

If I hang around here long enough

watching you and her together,

I'll become

as big a lunatic as you are.

All right.

I'll go get your share

of the gold dust.

You can have the mule

and that new gold pan.

You can even have the rocker,

if you want to.

What's the matter, Ben?

Where you taking the rocker?

It's for Pardner. He's going away.

Going away?

He... he never mentioned

going away to me.

Of course he didn't.

You don't know that man

like I do, Elizabeth.

What are you saying, Ben?

He loves you. That's why he's going.

I don't want Pardner to go, Ben.

I love him.

Unpack, Pardner.

You ain't going nowhere.

That woman loves you.

And that puts a new wheel

on the wagon, don't it?

Now, you get this straight, Ben.

I'm not gonna take away your wife,

and that's final.

But you love her.

So do you.

There's only one way for anybody

to be happy and that's...

for one of us to move

away and forget it, and I'm going.

Now, get out of my way.

Pardner, there comes a time

in the life of every partnership

when the party of the first part

has no recourse

except to knock some sense

into the party of the second part!

You're staying!

What happened?

He's staying.

-Is he hurt?

-No, ma'am. Just tired.

He'll be good as new

in a couple of weeks.

Where you going, Ben?

You love Pardner? You take him.

And you take good care of him.

That's the decentest man

I ever run across.

And the strongest.

Now...

I know you women like

things legal, so here's what.

It takes two weeks for you

to be an abandoned claim.

After that, you take the name

of your new owner

and file it

down at the mining office.

Then everything'll be legal.

Ben!

I don't want you to go.

I love you.

What are you talking

about, Elizabeth?

You're my husband.

I don't want you to go away.

-What was that?

-Don't let him go, Pardner.

-You said she was in love with me.

-Didn't you say you loved him?

Yes, I did, and I do.

You just said you were

in love with Ben.

Yes, I did, and I am.

Ben, do you, uh...

get that feeling you need a drink?

-How did you know?

-Cos I do, too.

-But, Pardner, you don't drink.

-No, but I'm changing.

Hmm, and it takes a woman to do it.

Bless their hearts.

Now, Elizabeth, let's try

and be reasonable about this.

For God's sake, make up your mind!

I can't.

I love both of you.

But that ain't going to work.

You can't have both of us.

-Why not?

-Why not?

Why not?

Cos, uh... a woman

can't have two husbands.

Well, I was married

to a man who had two wives.

Why can't a woman have two husbands?

Because you can't.

Well, why?

You explain it to her, will you, Ben?

I'd like to oblige, Pardner,

but I'll be damned

if I can think of a reason.

Out here we make up

our own rules as we go along.

A man with two wives

wants to sell one at auction,

nobody thinks twice about it.

And if a town needs females,

hijacking 'em

seems the natural thing to do.

And if two pardners

want to share a wife, why not?

This ain't Michigan.

It's gold country.

Why, hell, it's the golden country!

Untouched and uncontaminated

by human hands!

It's where people can look

civilisation in the eye and spit!

You don't have to please anybody,

don't have to love thy neighbour.

It's wild, human and free,

and all over this nation,

they preach against it every Sunday.

But I don't think God's listening.

You know why?

Because he's here...

in glorious California!

You trying to tell me, Ben,

that you're willing?

I am.

I think it's a humane,

practical, beautiful solution.

-It does make a lot of sense.

-It don't.

It don't in Michigan.

It does in California.

-What's everybody gonna say?

-Who are you talking about?

You mean everybody in town

playing with them French horns?

They'd be damn glad

to have two less in line.

-Ben, you're right.

-Of course I'm right.

It's not like somebody was asking

you to do something immoral,

like stealing gold!

-It ain't as bad as all that.

-What the hell's bad about it?

Show me on that list of commandments

where it says a woman

can't have two husbands.

There ain't no commandment like that!

Hot damn! I think it's great!

It's history-making!

Can't hold it.

-Elizabeth...

-Yes, Ben?

We will be three... for dinner.

Shameless harlots!

You think the Lord was some boy in

a raggedy old sheet 2,000 years ago?

Well, you're wrong!

He's here now and he sees you!

Ye godless jaspers! Who are you?

Freemasons? Rosicrucians?

Heathen emissaries

from the dens of Babylon?!

Boozers. Gluttons.

Gamblers. Harlots.

Fornicators!

What's a fornicator?

I don't know.

I ain't a religious man.

The stench of the city

is in the nostrils of the Lord,

and it's making him sick.

The Lord ain't going

to take it much longer!

Come on up, parson,

and get some old-time religion.

Mrs Rumson. How are your husbands?

Fine. Thank you, Mr Atwell.

Husbands? Did I hear husbands?

You animals! You pagans!

O God, Lord of hosts,

close thine eyes, then hold thy nose.

I am passing through

the garbage of humanity!

Come on, dearie.

Scum, keep your filthy claws

off my wife, Princess Hummingbird!

You heathen swine!

Do you know what God done

to Sodom and Gomorrah

when he couldn't find 50 righteous

men in them stinking cities?

No!

I'll show God a place

where there ain't 40.

-Yeah!

-30!

-Yeah!

-Two!

-Yeah!

-Or one!

-Yeah!

-And here it is.

# You want to see sin

of the wickedest kind?

# Here it is

# You want to see

virtue left behind?

# Here it is

# Sodom was vice and vice a versa

# You want to see where

the vice is worser?

# Here it is,

I mean, here it is

# You want to live life

in the rottenest way?

# Here it is

# Women and whisky night and day

# Here it is

# You want to

embrace the golden calf

# Ankle and thigh and upper half?

# Here it is

# I mean, here it is

# No Name City, No Name City

# The Lord don't like it here

# No Name City, No Name City

# Your reckonin' day is near

# No Name City, No Name City

# Here's what he's gonna do

# Gobble up this town

and swallow it down

# And goodbye to you

# Will you go to heaven,

will you go to hell?

# Go to hell

# Either repent or fare thee well

# Fare thee well

# God'll take care o' No Name City

# Comes the end

and it won't be pretty

# Here it is

# I mean, here it is

# Here it is

# I mean, here it is

# Here it is

# I mean, here it is

# A...

# Men #

Evening, Pardner.

Evening, Elizabeth.

Evening, Ben.

Evening, Elizabeth.

I hear...

George Lonergan pulled out today.

-He's smart.

-He's broke.

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