Pal Joey Page #5

- Pete, get the boys out of the kitchen.

- Yes, sir, right away.

Champagne for the band

and make mine a double brandy.

- Double brandy for Mrs. Simpson!

- Okay, Mike.

- l believe you have a singer.

- Yeah, Joey.

Joey, sing a song for the lady.

What would the lady

like to hear me sing?

Tell him to surprise me.

Joey, surprise the lady.

l'lI surprise the lady.

Double brandy.

Twenty-six.

She gets too hungry

For dinner at 8:
00

She likes the theater

Never comes late

She'd never bother

With people she'd hate

That's why the lady is a tramp

Doesn't like crap games

With barons and earls

Won't go to Harlem

In ermine and pearls

Won't dish the dirt

With the rest of the girls

That's why the lady is a tramp

She likes the free

Free fresh wind in her hair

Life without care

She's broke, but it's oke

Hates California

It's cold and it's damp

That's why the lady is a tramp

She gets far too hungry

To wait for dinner at 8:00

She adores the theater

And she doesn't arrive late

She'd never bother

With people she'd hate

That is why the lady is a tramp

Won't have a dice game

With any barons and earls

She will never go up to Harlem

Dressed in ermine and pearls

Won't dish the dirt

With all the other girls

That is why the lady is a tramp

She loves the free

Free fresh wind in her hair

Life without care

She's broke

Hates California

'Cause it's so cold and so damp

That's why the lady

That's why the lady

That's why the lady is a tramp

Come now, beauty.

Not only will l give him a raise,

l'll buy him a bicycle.

Champagne for everybody!

What do you know,

a parking lot for boats.

- v-E-R-A.

- That's correct.

- See how smart l am?

- Care to come aboard?

I'd love to, Captain.

This is quite a hideout.

Providing you have

something to hide.

Oh, that can be arranged.

Yeah, this is a clever kayak,

isn't it?

My husband gave it to me.

He's never been aboard.

Why doesn't he try

a little Dramamine?

This is the dining salon.

And just beyond is the galley.

l know, it's where you keep

your slaves. Slaves?

Nothing. Well--

And this is the master suite.

By the way,

where is the master?

My husband died two years ago.

And no cracks.

l was just gonna say that if you ever

get tired of being a wealthy widow...

you might like to go back

into show business.

No thank you.

l like being Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.

l'm not knocking you

being Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.

But l just thought you and me as a team,

we'd make a dandy double.

Aren't you afraid you might

find me a bit rusty?

Don't be ridiculous.

Why don't you get out

of something uncomfortable...

and l'll give you

a small audition.

Oh, beauty.

You have all the subtlety

of a battering ram.

But you wrong me, my dear.

What l meant was perhaps you'd like to

run through one of my old routines--

one l used to do

before l became an M.C.

No thank you.

That would bring back

too many memories.

The sticks, split weeks,

drafty dressing rooms.

Drunks tossing pennies.

That's the story of my life.

But l'm going places

one of these days.

l gonna have a club

all my very own...

my name up in lights.

No hokey waiters rattling plates

when l'm on.

No tough managers

beItin' me around.

Be my own boss.

Nobody owns Joey but Joey.

Chez Joey?

Chez Joey:

a place with real class.

l might even appear

in white tie and tails.

Might even wear an opera hat.

Suave stuff.

Easygoing stuff.

l might do all of the patter

like that.

Maybe l'll do

the whole thing in French.

Maybe you'd better not.

That's what l said.

Maybe l'd better not.

You'd give a lot

for a place like that, wouldn't you?

Anything.

How about it?

You and me could be partners.

What would l get out of it?

Name something.

There"s nothing l don't have.

You want a bet?

After all, two years is a long time

between drinks.

Oh, you can hit

better than that, partner.

Yes, isn't it?

He's a fool...

and don't l know it.

But a fool can have his charms.

l'm in love...

and don't l show it.

Like a babe...

in arms.

Men are not a new sensation

l've done pretty well

I think

But this half-pint imitation

Put me on the blink

I'm wild again

Beguiled again

A simpering, whimpering

Child again

Bewitched, bothered

And bewildered

Am I

Couldn't sleep

And wouldn't sleep

And what would l do

If l shouldn't sleep

Bewitched, bothered

And bewildered

Am l

Lost my heart

But what of it

My mistake

I agree

He's a laugh

But I love it

Because the love's

on me

A pill he is

But still he is

All mine

And l'll keep him until he is

Bewitched, bothered

And bewildered

Like me

l guess the laugh's on me

I've slipped again

I've tripped again

The way to my heart

is unzipped again

Linda, you up yet?

l've been up for hours.

Open the door.

l want to talk to you.

What do you want?

What's the idea

with all the ice?

l get it. You're burned up

because l took a powder last night.

What possible difference

could it make to me?

Good morning, Snuffy.

l've got a bone for you.

Speaking of Snuffy, l'm thinking

of making you a present of him.

l'm planning on

blowin' this trap.

Gonna move to a place that fits

my personality a little better.

- You're not gonna leave the club?

- Nope.

l'm gonna take the club with me.

Come here. Let me show you something.

Look straight up the top

of that hill, Nob Hill.

That's where l'll take the club.

Little old me.

- You?

- Me...

and Mike and all the girls

and everybody in the joint.

lt's gonna be the same cast,

the same booze but a new address.

How? What happened?

Did somebody die?

No. As a matter of fact,

somebody came to life.

- l have a partner.

- Who?

Yes, ma'am, we're gonna have

a real classy joint. K-L-A-S-Y.

- Who's we?

- Me and my partner.

Who is your partner, Joey?

Mrs. Simpson.

Now wait a minute.

Don't get the wrong idea.

This is a legitimate business--

lawyers, six-percent interest,

everything.

Everything?

Now don't give me

that ""everything'' jazz.

After all, this could be my big chance,

and it could be yours too...

because l got a great idea for you

in a number in the show.

Tell me. Just what do l

have to do for it?

Just remember all the lyrics.

How about Snuffy?

You gonna take him or aren't you?

You bet l'll take him.

Not even a dog should live with you!

His leash.

Bye, Snuffy.

So long, old pal.

Lucky little dog,

gettin' to live with Linda.

Don't let her fool you.

She's a nice girl.

She just acts like

all nice girIs act: lousy.

Good morning, Mr. Boss.

How are you, Herm?

Now that you got this swell new joint,

l guess there's no place for me.

Not at all.

You got a job.

Gee, Joey, thanks.

Wherever there's mice,

there's always a rat.

l'd like them about

out to there.

Out to here.

Well, there it is, Chez Joey,

just like l pictured it to be.

A dream come true.

- lt means that much to you?

- You bet it does.

Took a lot of years of scrounging

and scratching to get a joint like this.

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