Pants on Fire Page #5

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JENNIFER INVITED ME

TO TAG ALONG:

TO HER CLASSES TODAY.

ISN'T SHE NICE?

OH-- [GASPS]

UH--

-HI!

-OH, UH, OKAY--

GREAT-- GREAT TALKING

TO YOU, MIKEY.

YOU HAVE:

A FANTASTIC DAY!

I ALWAYS DO!

WHY ARE YOU BEING

SO NICE TO HIM?

ARE YOU HAVING SOME SOR OF BREAKDOWN RIGHT NOW?

CHECK IT OUT.

YOU STOLE HIS WALLET?

I'M GONNA GIVE IT BACK!

AFTER I FIND OU WHERE HE LIVES.

OH, PERFECT, WELL,

THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER THEN.

IF WE'RE GOING TO SEND HIM BACK

TO WHERE HE CAME FROM,

WE HAVE TO FIND OU WHERE THAT IS.

MIKEY, MIKEY, MIKEY...

THESE ALL SAY MIKEY!

JACKPOT. HA!

OH, WE KNOW WHERE

YOU LIVE, MIKEY.

YOU ARE GOING DOWNTOWN!

ACTUALLY,

I THINK THAT'S UPTOWN.

AND TO THE WEST.

OH! OH, YEAH, NO,

HE'S GOING DOWNTOWN.

EVEN THOUGH THAT'S THE COMPLETE

OPPOSITE OF THIS ADDRESS.

ALRIGHT, WELL,

THIS IS IT.

THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.

THIS GUY IS TOO GOOD.

HE'S BEEN MESSING WITH US

THE WHOLE TIME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I USED TO TELL MY PARENTS

I WOULD TAKE MIKEY

HERE AS A REWARD

WHEN HE DID WELL ON TESTS.

COME ON.

[LAUGHTER, CHATTER,

GAMES PINGING]

OKAY, OKAY, SO NOW

WE JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE

WHO KNOWS WHO MIKEY IS.

AND HOW ARE WE:

GONNA DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, JACK. WHAT'S UP?

OH, HEY! GUY.

DO YOU KNOW THAT KID?

NO.

HEY, EXCUSE ME?

UH, HI!

SO, UH...

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

HOW DO I KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

DUDE, YOU'RE HILARIOUS.

WHERE'S MIKEY?

AW, YOU KNOW MIKEY?

'COURSE I KNOW MIKEY.

YOU GUYS ARE BOTH HILARIOUS.

YOU AND MIKEY ARE HERE

ALL THE TIME.

DUDE, ARE YOU SURE

MIKEY ISN'T REAL?

RIGHT NOW,

I'M NOT EVEN SURE I'M REAL.

UH, OKAY, SO, UM,

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO KNOW

WHERE MIKEY IS NOW, DO YOU?

OR WHERE HE LIVES?

OR WHO HIS PARENTS ARE?

OR WHAT SCHOOL HE GOES TO?

OR WHERE HE HANGS OUT?

SMOOTH...

NOT STALKERY AT ALL.

I KNOW WHERE HE HANGS.

HE HANGS HERE.

WITH YOU.

THAT WAS WEIRD:

AND UNINFORMATIVE.

WE GOT A PLAN "B"?

[]

THE HIPPO.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

MIKEY HAD HIM ON HIS BACKPACK.

MAYBE THE HIPPO KNOWS SOMETHING.

AW, YEAH.

I MEAN, WHY NOT?

WOULDN'T BE THE STRANGEST THING

THAT'S HAPPENED

IN THE PAST TWO DAYS.

MM-MM. HEY! HEY, HIPPO!

[]

HE'S RUNNING. WE GOT A RUNNER!

WE GOT A RUNNER!

[]

LOOK AT HIM.

HE'S LIKE A FURRY, PURPLE

NINJA IN THAT THING!

LET'S GO! OH...

-HE'S GETTING AWAY!

-I SEE THAT.

[GRUNTING]

THIS IS THE WORST!

NOPE! NO. THIS IS. UGH...

-WAIT A SECOND.

-YEAH?

WHY ARE WE CHASING

THE HIPPO AGAIN?

BECAUSE HE RAN!

MAYBE HE RAN:

BECAUSE WE'RE CHASING HIM.

DON'T START THINKING

ON ME NOW, MAN. LET'S GO!

-ALRIGHT. OKAY.

-YOU GOOD?

YEAH. I'M OKAY.

HEY!

THIS IS THE BUMPER CARS,

NOT A TRACK MEET.

WANNA CROSS THE FLOOR?

YOU GOTTA BUMP.

[]

-GO GET 'IM.

-I'M TRYING!

DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

OH, OKAY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

MINE WAS AN ACCIDENT.

SO WAS MINE.

-SERIOUSLY?

-SERIOUSLY!

HE'S GETTING AWAY. AGAIN!

-WHY IS HE ALWAYS RUNNING?

-I DON'T KNOW.

[]

SHORTCUT. POOL TIME.

OOF.

-THAT WAS--

-AWESOME.

-YES!

-AHH!

NICE!

WELL, WELL, WELL!

WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

SERIOUSLY?

DOES THIS TOWN:

HAVE ANOTHER SECURITY GUARD?

SINCE WHEN DID YOU STAR WORKING AT FUNLAND?

SINCE I GOT FIRED

FROM MY LAST JOB.

SOME SUDSY CLOWN

THREW MY KEYS INTO A BUSH.

WHY WOULD--

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAN.

BUT, PLEASE, WE HAVE

TO TALK TO THAT--

...HIPPO.

HIPPO? OKAY.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME, FELLAS.

PLEASE, THE HIPPO

IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING!

OH, YOU'RE HOME LATE.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE I IF I TOLD YOU.

HEY, BUDDY!

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

WE'RE JUST PUZZLING.

[GASPS] FINISHED!

[TRIO GASPING]

LOVELY! LOOK, JACK.

MIKEY FINALLY:

FINISHED OUR PUZZLE.

WHY HAVEN'T YOU BROUGH MIKEY AROUND HERE BEFORE?

HE IS A DOLL!

NO.

YOU ARE.

OH, HO, HO, HO!

[MIRTHFUL CHUCKLING]

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOUR GAME IS--

THIS ISN'T A GAME.

IT'S A PUZZLE.

[HUFFS]

YEAH, I KNOW IT IS.

AND I'M GONNA FIGURE IT OUT.

I'M GONNA FIGURE IT ALL OUT.

HEY, SPORT,

ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?

PULL UP A CHAIR,

AMIGO.

WE SURE COULD USE YOUR HELP...

FOR THE NEXT ONE!

HOW DOES 5,000 PIECES

OF SAND AND SKY SOUND?

SOUNDS LIKE:

I'M SLEEPIN' OVER.

[BOISTEROUS CHUCKLING]

[CASUAL CHATTER]

UH, JACK?

CAN I HAVE:

A WORD WITH YOU?

SURE. WHY NOT?

LOOK, JACK, I PROBABLY SHOULDN' SAY THIS,

BUT I'M REALLY

ROOTING FOR YOU:

TO WIN "STUDEN OF THE YEAR."

THANKS,

PRINCIPAL KAR.

I MEAN, YOU WERE NEVER

THAT IMPRESSIVE ON PAPER.

OR IN PERSON.

BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE,

THE VALUES:

THAT I'VE TRIED TO INSTILL

AS THIS SCHOOL'S ADMINISTRATOR,

THEY GOT THROUGH TO YOU.

AND IF YOU WERE TO WIN

THE AWARD, WELL...

IT WOULD BE:

SUCH AN INSPIRATION

TO ALL THE OTHER

BELOW-AVERAGE JOES OUT THERE.

THANKS, PRINCIPAL KAR.

THAT SAID,

I'VE RECENTLY

HEARD SOME DISTURBING RUMORS

ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR

OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL.

IF THERE TURNS OUT TO BE

ANY TRUTH TO THESE "RUMORS,"

I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE NO CHOICE

BUT TO DISQUALIFY YOU.

YEAH, YEAH.

NO, NO PROBLEM.

I MEAN, I'M SURE

THEY'RE JUST A--

JUST A HARMLESS:

MISUNDERSTANDING.

I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

THE HIPPO IS THE KEY

TO EVERYTHING.

IF ONLY WE COULD

JUST FIND HIM,

WE'D FINALLY

HAVE SOME ANSWERS.

WE SHOULD GO TO THE ZOO.

THAT'S WHERE

THE HIPPOS LIVE.

[BOFF]

BAD NEWS, BUDDY.

YOU'RE OUT.

HEY, IF ANYBODY HAD

TO GET ME OUT,

I'M GLAD IT WAS YOU.

MIKEY'S THE BEST.

NO. MIKEY IS THE WORST.

RIGHT!

BUT HE'S ALSO PRETTY GREAT.

LATER, MIKEY.

RED'S YOUR COLOR,

BUDDY!

[BOFF]

-[MIKEY]:
SORRY, YOU'RE OUT.

-GOOD SHOT, MIKEY!

I HEARD PRINCIPAL KAR

TALKED TO YOU TODAY.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

I AM GOING TO WIN

STUDENT OF THE YEAR,

AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO

TO STOP ME.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO

STOP YOU, FRIEND?

[]

NO!

NO, NO, NO.

HE DOESN'T EVEN GO

TO THIS SCHOOL!

[]

PSST, JENNIFER--

-[GASPING]

-OH! SORRY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I JUST WANTED:

TO SAY SORRY...

YOU KNOW, GYM CLASS...

WHEN I HIT YOU IN THE GUTS

WITH THAT BALL--

THAT WASN'T COOL.

OH...

SEE, I THOUGH YOU MIGHT BE APOLOGIZING

FOR SNEAKING INTO MY HOUSE

AND TRASHING OUR BATHROOM.

YEAH... RIGHT.

THAT.

UH, I'M ALSO

VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT.

ALTHOUGH, YOUR SISTER GIVES

ONE HECK OF A MAKEOVER.

JACK, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

YOU KNOW,

I WAS JUST STARTING

TO KIND OF MAYBE THINK

YOU WERE CUTE,

AND THEN:

YOU WENT CRAZY.

YOU THOUGHT I WAS CUTE?

AND THEN YOU WEN CRAZY.

[JACK SIGHS]

IT'S JUST-- IT'S MIKEY.

HE'S GOT ME ALL MESSED UP.

WELL, I THOUGH YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS.

YOU'VE BEEN TUTORING HIM

AND HANGING OUT WITH HIM,

AND YOU SAVED HIS DOG

BY BUYING HIM A ROBOT TAIL!

RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S ALL TRUE.

WELL, THEN WHY ARE YOU

ACTING SO WEIRD?

CAN WE CHALK I UP TO HORMONES?

[LAUGHS]

HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU.

YOU JUST REALIZED THAT?

NO, NO, I'M ACTUALLY

TALKING TO YOU.

SEE, LIKE, USUALLY,

ALL I CAN DO:

IS, LIKE, BABBLE

AND MAKE WEIRD NOISES.

HUH.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S KINDA NICE.

SEEMS LIKE:

WE'RE HAVING A MOMENT...

AND I DON' WANT TO RUIN IT,

SO I'M GONNA LEAVE.

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