Paper Man Page #4

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[door creaking]

Why are men such d*cks?

- Beats me.

- l just thought he was lonely.

- We're all lonely.

- l don't know.

Maybe l shouldn't have hit him.

- No, you definitely

should have.

Okay, would you rather?

- l don't want to play.

- Oh, come on.

Would you rather

have no TV for a year

or onIy be abIe

to watch The Golf Channel?

- Golf Channel.

- Yeah, me too.

At least it's TV.

Your turn.

- Okay, would you rather have

no friends or no parents?

[gulls cawing]

[door creaking]

- Claire?

- Richard, the couch is outside.

- ls it the 15th already?

- Are you okay?

- Yes, l am.

- There's soup in the kitchen.

Have you been making soup?

- l'll be right back.

- All right

You made the soup.

What babysitter?

Work is going great,

and l'm still not here.

Drink it up.

There you go.

Now get out there.

- You know the funny thing

about soup?

You get the ingredients

basicaIIy into the pot

along with the sauce and the

not the sauce.

The juice.

- You mean the broth?

- Right, right, and then

it just needs some cooking.

[clears throat]

- Richard, is anything wrong?

l'm not

l'm concerned.

- Oh, weII, thank you

for your concern, Claire.

Speaking of...

how are your patients?

Are they doing well?

And what are some

of their names?

- You know, you've got a bruise

right here.

- Oh, well, you know,

beaten down by life.

You know, winds of change.

Anyway, l want to do some

unIoading of boxes

if you want to pitch in.

Then we can grab some brunch.

- Oh, no, Richard, no.

Are these all

- Oh, yes.

- Why?

Why would you do that

to yourseIf?

- Well, l just thought

as I embarked

on the writing of my second

my much anticipated

second novel,

that l should be reminded

of the remarkable,

l mean, really

quite noteworthy failure

of my first noveI to seII

any copies whatsoever.

- Richard, l can't go

down this road with you.

- No, no, no, it's gonna be

very motivationaI, reaIIy.

- That was smooth.

- Hey, l got through it

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait

- What?

- My super senses

are telling me something.

- What?

- Yes.

I think the doctor

may be on to you.

- Oh, hush your mouth.

- Knock, knock.

Who's there?

[knocking at door]

- Sh*t

What do you want?

- I came to see

if you were okay,

'cause your head was

- lt's fine.

I'm fine.

You need to go.

- What?

- You need to go now.

- Well, screw you too.

And you were the one

who came on to me,

by the way.

- What?

- Last night, a**hole.

l was gonna apologize

for hitting you,

but forget it

You're a creep.

- Wait, Abby.

- The doctor's

out of her shower, FYl.

- Richard, who was that?

- Girl scout

- Oh, okay.

- Horton regarded his solitude

as something sacred.

Horton, Norton,

Norwood.

Norwood regarded his solitude

as s

[groans]

- How's it coming?

- Norwood regarded his solitude

as some

- Richard, what's this?

- lt's a fluke.

- ln what way?

- The fish.

lt's called a fluke.

The water around here

is swimming with them.

- Oh, okay.

What were you planning

on doing with it?

- Do l have to have a plan?

Can't l just have a fish

in the house?

- Yes, fine.

l'm sorry.

- l thought we could cook it

then eat it

How's that?

- l guess l just hadn't caught

up with the fact

that you're a cook now.

[wet splattering]

- Okay, stop.

Stop it

You can stop.

Please stop now.

Stop it

Stop, stop, please!

Stop!

- Abby.

- Who the hell is that?

What the hell is she doing?

- l don't think l got a chance

to pay you the other night

How's $60?

- Keep it

You don't even

have a kid, so

[horn honking]

- l think there was kind of

a misunderstanding

about some of my actions

or intentions.

I'm pretty sure

l said some things.

- Whatever.

I'm sure you're sorry

that you said all that stuff.

- l'm not sorry, actually,

about all that

What l'm sorry about is that

l was so abrupt at the house.

lt was just

- Your wife was there.

Yeah, l figured that out

- Yes, it would have been,

you know,

awkward, you know?

- No, actually, l don't know.

- Well, Claire wouldn't really

understand our...

- Our what?

- Uh...

our friendship.

- Abby.

Come on.

We're out of here.

- Anyway, l wanted to let

you know that l respect you.

And is that Chickenshit?

- [laughs]

Yeah.

- He's a good-looking guy.

- Yeah, he sure thinks so.

- You coming or what?

We're going to Turner's house,

smoke a jay.

- Yeah, just a minute.

- l'm Richard.

- Look, you said you wanted

to hang out more.

You in or out?

- lt's okay, Abby.

l don't want to keep you

from your jay.

- Who's your friend

with the bike?

- Abby's been babysitting

for me.

How's Wednesday night?

- [scoffs]

- Sure.

- Damn, girl, move your ass.

- Sorry.

- What's wrong with you?

- Richard!

[air whooshing]

- Hello!

[explosion]

[both grunting]

Don't you do it!

- Richard, are you here?

- Yeah, l'll be right there.

- Listen to me.

Hey, this won't end well.

- [grunts]

Hey, how you doing?

- Come on.

l want to show you something.

- Great, okay.

l have a problem with my hands.

- What do you mean?

- They won't do

what l want them to do.

- What do you want them to do?

- Anything.

l don't know, something useful.

l want them to build something

or make something.

- Like what?

- Even Jesus, l mean,

he was a carpenter.

You know, it wasn't enough

for him to save mankind.

He needed a trade.

I'm a fIimsy man,

an insubstantial.

- Well, compared to Jesus.

- l'm a paper man.

- No, you're a writer.

- Yeah, that's crucial.

- No, it is.

Here we are.

[gulls cawing]

- Where?

- "lt is possible

to be so at sea

"when life and land have

slipped under the horizon.

l quietly wish to never see

either again."

- Did l write that?

l wrote that

[gull cawing]

- Hold this.

- Abby?

Abby!

Come on.

Abby!

Abby.

Abby!

Jesus, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

- [laughing]

- Come here.

- You cannot do this.

You can't do that

- lt was me

that dared her

to go in.

lt was really cold.

It was much,

much colder than today.

But you know, she wasn't gonna

turn down a dare.

[chuckles]

We were like that

And l had eaten 23 oysters.

- Hmm.

- So l don't know

why she went in

in her cIothes.

Um...

l guess maybe we thought

it wouId be warmer.

Kids.

And she was laughing,

and, you know, fine.

And then she was...

And then she was gone.

Just under and gone.

And l just stood there.

And then a couple hours later

my mom came

and found me.

And l guess, you know,

l was waiting for her

to swim back in.

But she never did.

- How old?

- Same age as me.

We're twins.

- Oh.

Oh, my God.

- That was a long time ago.

l like to go out there

every year

and swim back to shore.

You know, l like to feel

the coId.

- lt must have

l don't know what to say.

- So we're both only children.

- That was our thing every year,

and you know it

And you take that guy out there

on this day.

He didn't even know her.

- l know.

- Remember when l was the only

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