Paperback Page #8

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There's no way that you guys

can be friends after this.

- He'll get over it eventually.

Okay, well if that's

what I have to sacrifice

to make things the way

they're supposed to be

then I don't have a choice.

I mean, maybe the

purpose of our friendship

was so Emily and I could meet.

It could be one of those

great "how we met" stories.

- That's that worst

"how we met" story ever.

- It's the only one I've got.

- What about the

coffee shop girl?

- What about her?

- I don't know, why not try

something normal for once.

You said she seemed nice.

- Yeah, she seemed

nice. She's not the one.

- What makes you

think that Emily

would even leave Jason anyway?

- From what I saw they

seemed pretty good.

- Pretty good?

- Except for the

infidelity part.

- Hi-yah!

- Ow!

- Billy! No.

- Why would you give

him karate lessons?

You're just enabling him.

- Give mommy a kiss.

Oh, sweetie.

He only fights the bad guys.

- Thanks.

- I'd say good luck,

but I'm not really sure

what I'd be endorsing.

Slip off my shoes

They're soaking wet

Just like my

coat and my vest

My bicycles

covered in icicles

I made my way back to

your house away from your

(music stops)

- What's up man?

Why are you so sweaty?

- I'm in terrible shape.

- Oh. Well, obviously.

- How's it going?

- Oh, good. We talked it over.

It was just a misunderstanding.

So what's up?

- I have to tell you something.

- Oh, okay. Come on in.

What is it?

- Um...

I uh...

- What is it?

You're being weird.

- I uh...

I was lying about

Samantha not having pubes.

She did have pubes.

I just didn't want to rub it in.

- What?!

Is that really why you

ran all the way over here?

- Yeah.

- Okay. I don't think we

needed to air that out now,

but thanks for

telling me, I guess.

- It was eating me up inside.

- All right.

Let's just shake that off.

I'm glad you're here

actually. Hang on.

Let me get something

to toast with.

Not the pube thing.

Just hang on.

I feel like such a dork

for making all these toasts

but there's just something

I've really been

wanting to tell you.

Uh, god, this is dumb.

Um, okay.

So we've been best friends

for what, 10 years?

And I really think there's a

reason we're back together.

You know, you've just been

such a huge part of our lives

since we moved here.

And obviously we've been

having some problems,

as all marriages do.

But I think we can say safely

that those days are behind us.

And a big reason

for that is you.

You really helped us through

a rough spot, and um...

I love you.

We both do.

So, to you, for everything

you've done for us,

and to a fresh start.

(glasses clink)

Ah, come on. Bring it in.

Let's get weird for

a second. Come on.

Mhm. Mhm. Mmm.

There's a lot of love in

the room. Can you feel it?

I know I can.

I came here alone

And I plan to leave that way

But I find comfort in

All of the things you say

My heart unthawed

And my brain unstalled

Took time to comprehend

Oh I made, I made

it, I made it

- Somebody bought one. I

shouldn't be this excited.

- That's great, sweetie.

Let's go.

- Oh, that?

Somebody took one of

those in the bathroom

so we threw it out.

- You son of a b*tch.

- Hey. Sell any?

- Uh, one.

- Cool, see? That's not nothing.

- How's she doing?

- Eh, she'll tire out soon.

She's been crying nonstop.

- I wonder where

she got that from.

Hey Rob, you're always

sobbing uncontrollably.

Maybe you're the father.

(chuckles)

- [Rob] Yeah, maybe.

And we're bone

prone to misery

But you still get drunk

And wanna hang out with me

And I'm at my best

When I'm sleeping alone

It's funny how time stops

And starts on its own

I came here alone

And I plan to leave that way

But I still find comfort in

All the things you

say, when you say them

Wanna hear you say

That you came here alone

And you wanna leave that way

That you came here alone

And you wanna

change your ways

You won't change your ways

You won't change your ways

You won't change your ways

You won't change your ways

Way-ay-ay-ay-ays

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