Parenthood Page #5

---

Nice shot, son It's

important to be supportive

Come on, let's sing

one of the old tunes

When you're sliding

into home

And your pants

are full of foam

Diarrhea

Well?

Why are you pouring water

through my diaphragm?

To check

To see if it's okay

You didn't know I did that, did you? No

Obviously not, or you

wouldn't have tried this

Are you accusing me

of making that hole?

No, a woodpecker came in here,

went into the bathroom,

opened the drawer

with his little wing,

and pecked a couple of holes

in your diaphragm

I can't believe you would jeopardize

our plans, Susan Remember what we read?

"A vast majority

of truly exceptional people

"are either only children

or first-born

"with at least a five-year

separation between sibs"

We agreed to

No, you agreed

And they're not sibs They're

babies And I wanna have another one

So, this is how you go about it, by

vandalizing a contraceptive device?

Because you won't

discuss it with me!

I did discuss it with you,

years ago!

Well, I think we were wrong

Well, I think we were right

And I'm not

discussing it again

Tod!

Yeah

Do you want me

to cook you breakfast?

No, thanks, Helen

Julie's gonna do it

Great I'll get

the fire extinguisher

All right

I'll see you guys at dinner

Sweet Jesus!

What are you doing?

Are you joining the Marines?

I knew you'd make

a thing out of this, Mom

Just clean up the hair

Wait

Do it like that

Cool! No, I love it

Thanks so much

You ready, Garry?

You want anything to eat?

How long are they

gonna be living here?

Not much longer, I think

Well, I was

just thinking

It's getting

pretty crowded here

Oh, it's not so crowded

There's a lot more room

since they shaved their heads

Well, I was just thinking

maybe I could stay

with Dad for a while

What?

Well, I've been here a long time Maybe

I should live with him for a while

You wanna live

with your father?

Kind of

Have you talked

to your father about that?

No, not yet

I thought I'd call him

Honey,

you know, you don't know

your father like I do

I don't know him at all

What's his number?

Well,

he'd be at work now

So that's

206-5790

Yeah, yeah

Is Dr Lampkin there?

His son

No, Dad, it's not Joey

It's Garry, your other son

Well, I need

to ask you something

It'll just take a second

Well, would it be okay if

I stay with you for a while?

A few months

Okay

Oh, Ed You sh*t

He, um

He didn't think it was

such a good idea

Oh, sweetie

I gotta go

Oh, honey

Gil? Hey, Gil?

Yes, Miles?

When's Cowboy Dan the gun-fighting

balloon man gonna be here?

Isn't that him?

No, that's the schmuck

who brought the horse

I don't think

he's coming

Yes, of course he is

The man's a professional

Do you think he wants to put a blot on

the entire balloon-bending profession?

Go on and have fun And we'll have

some burgers and dogs in a second

Let's go watch the horse sh*t! Yeah!

Patty, why don't you

play with Justin?

I don't understand

what he's doing

Well, he's spinning

What for?

No reason

Just for fun

It doesn't look

like fun

It isn't

You tried it?

So does Julie

have a nice place?

Oh, yeah, yeah, she has a lovely

place Yeah, she has my place

She and that Tod

are both living in my house

Really?

Well, actually

it was my idea

You know, otherwise, she was

gonna quit school and get a job and

I don't know Maybe this way,

she'll still go to college

All right All right

All right All right

Here we go

The thumb trick Ready?

Thumb trick

Do the thumb trick

Look at my thumb Ready?

Here we go Watch it Watch it

What are you doing?

Thumb trick

Show her, Dad

Okay, but this is the

last time Here we go Ready?

I mean, Justin's gonna

go full-time next year,

so everybody's asking when

I'm gonna go back to work,

like I'm supposed to

And I'm thinking about it I mean,

I used to work It was okay, but

You know, I think

I'm better at this

I mean, I think I'm

sort of good at it, so

But then, people make me

feel embarrassed,

like I don't have

goals or something

Like I sit around here

eating bonbons all day, right?

Oh, I don't know

Well, what does Gil say?

He says I should do

whatever I want

I could've

killed him for that

What are you

so upset about?

Nathan, she's weird

She's a weird child

I think a few days a week of

preschool could be very helpful

This is not the right age for

Patty to be socially activated

We went through it

She's not a bomb

She's a little kid

who has no ability to relate

to other little kids

Do you want her

to relate to him?

Help! Help! Help!

See, when I met him,

I was a little wild

I was a little

out of control

and he kind of

took me in hand

I liked that

He's very commanding

He got me into teaching

He got my sh*t together

Boy, he really

turned me on

Really? I mean,

of course, really

Oh, Nathan and I

used to be hot

I know he doesn't

look it, but

I mean,

we were like rabbits

I used to give him,

you know,

oral,

you know,

on the highway

What?

You know, he was always

trying to get a research grant

And you thought

that would help?

No, but I mean,

he kept getting turned down

and he'd get real,

real tense

So if I saw him getting,

you know, really tense,

I'd just lean over while

he was driving and I'd

Susan

What?

I just spoke

to your mother

Grandma wants to stay over

at Helen's for a while

Can you drive her there

tomorrow?

Sure

Great

He likes to butt things

with his head

How proud you must be

Here it is Now it's right

there in front of you

Okay Careful now

Careful

Yeah!

Here,

take this off

Now really try

and hit it

Yeah Really give it

a good shot

Yeah Give it

a good whack!

Whack!

Put your shoulder into it

and whack it

Now just kill it!

Kill it!

When I was born,

Grover Cleveland

was president

I'm sorry I'm late

Where should I do it?

Who are you and

what are you going to do?

I'm from Party Time

Entertainment

I'm your stripper

What's the birthday boy's name?

Because I paint it across my breasts

Okay, it was a mix-up I got

Cowboy Dan's card and he got mine

I'm sorry Goodbye,

Wait a minute What about

Cowboy Dan? He is coming

He showed up at the Lodge

Hall, and they were expecting me

They beat him severely,

so Cowboy Dan

ain't comingo

Cowboy Dan's

not coming?

Come on, Kevin,

hold it together

I knew it

I told you

All the kids are gonna hate me It's

gonna be just like Little League

Cowboy Dan is coming

Gil! He's coming Cowboy Dan is coming!

Howdy, partner

You're Kevin's father!

You're not Cowboy Dan

Yeah!

That's right

They call me Cowboy Gil,

as in guilty

I saw Cowboy Dan I didn't

like the look on his face

It was like this,

so I killed him

I blew a hole in him

this big,

That's too small

Actually,

it was about this big

You know, when I think about

it, that hole was about this big

Yeah, and his guts were

spilled out all over the floor

As I was walking away,

I slipped around on his guts

And a couple of other people came by and

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes