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Parrot Sketch Not Included: Twenty Years of Monty Python Page #4
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 1989
- 72 min
- 192 Views
Not that again.
He's had a hard day.
His new play opens at
National Theatre tomorrow.
Oh, that's good.
Good? Good?
What do you know about
getting up at 5 A.M.
to fly to Paris, back at
the old Vic for drinks,
sweating the day through press
interviews, television interviews,
then getting back to wrestle
with the problem
of a homosexual
nymphomaniac drug addict
involved in the ritual murder
Of a well-known
Scottish footballer?
That's a full working day, lad!
Dont shout at the boy, father.
Hampstead wasn't good enough
for you, was it?
You had to go
poncing off to Barnsley,
you and your coal mining friends.
Coal mining is a
wonderful thing, father,
but it's something
you'll never understand.
Just look at you!
Oh, ken, be careful.
You know what he's like
after a few novels.
Come on, lad. Come on.
Out with it.
What's wrong with me?
Yer tit!
I'll tell you
what's wrong--
Your head's addled
with novels and poems.
You come home reeling of
Chateau La Tour.
Look what you've
done to mother.
She's worn out
meeting film stars,
attending premieres,
giving gala luncheons.
There's naught wrong
with gala luncheons, lad.
I've had more gala luncheons
than you've had hot dinners.
Oh, please!
Aah! Arrgh!
Oh, no!
What is it?
It's his writer's cramp.
We didn't like to, Kenny.
I'm all right, woman.
Just get him out of here.
Oh, Ken, you'd better go.
All right.
I'm going.
After all we've done for him.
One day you'll realize
there's more to life
than culture.
Theres dirt and smoke and sweat!
Get out, you labourer!
We'll continue
with a man with a stoat
through his head.
And now...
Oh, coochy, coochy,
coochy.
Wuchy little bitty
jelly bum.
# ah dee do yellow #
Look at them blue eyes.
Twinkle in his eye.
This is a sweetie baby.
Come here.
Let me give him a cuddle.
He's a little dear, isn't he?
You shouldn't let him suck
on the thumby, my dear.
Oh, my god! No!
Don't touch it!
[pop]
What?
Oh, yes, he's such
just like his father.
Do you think so,
mrs. N*gger-Baiter?
Oh, yes.
Spitting image.
Good afternoon, mother.
Good afternoon,
mrs. N*gger-Baiter.
Ooh, hes walking already.
Yes, he's such a clever boy,
aren't you, coochy-coo?
Hello, oochy-coo.
Hello, oochy coochy.
Look at him laughing.
isn't he?
Isn't he a chirpy
little fellow?
Does he talk?
Does he talk, eh?
Of course I can talk.
I'm minister
for overseas development.
Ooh, he's a clever little boy!
Do you like your rattle, eh?
Do you like your rattle?
Look at his little eyes
following it.
Look at his iggy piggy
Piggy little eyeballs.
Ooh, he's got
a tubby tum-tum.
Mother, could I have
a quick cup of tea?
I have an important
statement on Rhodesia
to make at the Commons at 6:00.
[explosion]
Mrs. N*gger-baiter's exploded.
Good thing, too.
She was my best friend.
Oh, mother.
Don't be so sentimental.
I've been a hunter all my life.
I love animals.
That's why I like to kill 'em.
I wouldn't kill an animal
I didn't like.
G'day, Roy.
Hank and Roy Spim are
tough, fearless backwoodsmen
who have chosen to live
in a violent,
unrelenting world
of nature's creatures
where only the fittest survive.
Today, they are off
to hunt mosquitoes.
[Roy] The mosquito's
You can track him for days
until you really know him.
He knows you're there,
and you know he's there.
It's a game of wits.
You hate him,
then respect him,
then you kill him.
Suddenly Hank spots
the mosquito they're after.
Now, more than ever,
they must rely on skills
they have learned
from a lifetime's hunting.
Hank gauges the wind.
Roy examines
the mosquito's spoor.
Then...
It's a success.
The mosquito now is dead.
But Roy must make sure.
[Roy] There's nothing
more dangerous
than a wounded mosquito.
But the hunt is not over.
With well-practiced skill,
hank skins the mosquito.
male mosquito
can fetch anything
up to .8 of a penny
on the open market.
The long day is over,
and it's back to base camp
for a night's rest.
[snoring]
[loud banging]
What--what's going on?
What the hell is going--
Now I can't even sleep.
[snoring]
What--what are they doing?
[snoring]
[clang]
Wh--ab--da--bada--
What's going on?
Oh, I can't stand it.
Oh...
[snoring]
[alarm clock rings]
Oh!
That does it.
That does it!
Argh--humph--
What a lovely day!
I say!
Gosh, yes!
Gosh, yes!
It's so...
You know...
Sunny!
Yes, isn't it?
I say, anyone for tennis?
Oh, super!
What fun.
I say, Lionel.
Catch.
Ohh!
Oh, crikey!
Oh, darn!
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Oh...Oh...Oh!
Ah, yes, you must be
mr. Williams.
Well, do take a seat.
What seems to be
the trouble?
I've just been
stabbed by your nurse.
a look at you, then.
Could you fill in
this form first?
She just stabbed me!
Yes. She's
an unpredictable sort.
You seem to be bleeding
rather badly.
Hurry up.
Fill in that form.
Couldn't I fill it in
later, doctor?
No. You'd have bled
to death by then.
Can you hold a pen?
I'll try.
Jolly good.
It's a hell of a nuisance,
all this damn paperwork.
Really, it is.
It's a real nightmare,
this paperwork.
It really is
a hell of a nuisance.
Something ought to be
done about it.
Do I have to answer
everything?
No, no. Just fill in
as many as you can.
No need to go into
too much detail.
I dont know why we bother
with it all, really.
Such a nuisance.
Well, let's see
how you've done, then.
Oh, yes.
Oh, dear, oh dear.
That's not very good, is it?
Look, surely
you knew number four!
No, I didn't.
It's from the Merchant of Venice!
Right.
Now, I know some hospitals
where you get the patients
lying around in bed,
sleeping, resting, recuperating,
convalescing.
Well, that's not the way
we do things here, right?
No, you won't be
loafing about,
wasting the doctor's time.
You--you horrible
little cripple!
What's the matter with you?
Fractured tibia, sergeant.
"Fractured tibia, sergeant."
"Fractured tibia, sergeant."
Oh...Proper little
mummy's boy, are we?
Well, I'll tell you
something, my fine friend.
Look at him!
He's broke both his arms,
And he don't go shoutin'
about it, do he?
No, 'cause he's a man--
He's a woman, you see--
So don't come with that
broken-tibia talk with me!
Get on at the double.
1, 2, 3.
Pick that crutch up.
Oh...
I got a triple fracture
of the right leg,
dislocated collarbone,
and multiple head injuries...
So I do most of the heavy work,
like helping the surgeon.
[interviewer]
What does that involve?
Well, at the moment,
we're building him
a holiday home.
What about the nurses?
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"Parrot Sketch Not Included: Twenty Years of Monty Python" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/parrot_sketch_not_included:_twenty_years_of_monty_python_15621>.
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