Party Bus to Hell Page #5

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All hail the chosen one.

I think we're safe.

You guys hear me?

Hello back there?

Will someone speak up?

Sh*t!

[gasping]

We, uh, we got a problem.

What is it?

The whole...

Lara having sex

idea was a bad one.

Why, what happened?

I don't know.

A really bad form of puberty?

We created a monster.

Literally, she killed

Peter and Alan.

What?

- Where's Warren?

- The coward locked himself

- in the bathroom.

- Typical.

- Personally...

- [loud bang]

...I don't know what

you see in that guy.

We started dating

in high school.

First love.

It's complicated.

But not as

complicated as tonight.

Mm, where is Lara?

I think she's... eating.

[growls]

The bus is moving.

Well, just have to deal with

some serious sh*t.

[Ivy] Any idea

where we're heading?

Not a clue, I just think any place

is better than where we were.

[sighs]

Okay.

No matter what happens,

just keep driving.

What are you gonna do?

Party's over.

Yo razor face,

what you doing?

Lara,

are you still in there?

Somewhere?

Okay, okay, first thing I do

when I get back,

is I'm going to sue this bus company

for every penny that they're worth.

And I demand a $400 refund

for my Burning Man tickets.

Dump my...

[groans]

[thud]

...ex-girlfriend

out of my life.

Call me a dildo.

F*** her.

F*** you, Reese!

[flushing]

[growls]

[bangs]

- Get away from me!

- It's me, Ivy, open up.

- Go to hell!

- I think we're already there.

Come on, I need your help.

Is my ex-girlfriend

still alive?

Yes, she is,

no thanks to you.

Then get her to help you.

She's busy driving the bus.

Where is that... that thing?

I managed to lock it in the

luggage compartment, but...

I have my doubts it's going

to stay down there.

So what do you want

me to do about it?

- Help me kill it!

- F*** that!

I'm staying right here till we're

back in Vegas or at Burning Man.

You're a real f***ing p*ssy,

you know that?

And you're a c*nt,

so we're even!

[Warren screaming]

Warren? Warren, what

the f*** is going on?

Warren, get away

from the door.

Nobody appreciates

the C-word.

[gunshots]

What's happening?

- Oh, that's pretty gross.

- Talk to me!

Just keep driving!

[Lara banging]

Jesus.

[gasping]

What the hell just happened?

I've got some good news

and some bad news.

Your boyfriend is dead.

And what's the bad news?

Well, then no bad news.

Lara, or the thing

that used to be Lara is gone.

Busted out.

Flew the coop.

But I managed to shoot it

a few times,

so with any luck, it's out

there dying somewhere.

[sighs]

Any signs of that cult?

Nope.

Still don't

know where we're going.

Well, it'll be light

in a few hours, so,

we're bound

to wind up somewhere.

Yeah. Somewhere that has

a hot bath, I hope.

I'm all for that.

And if they only have one,

we could always share.

Hey, Ivy, I agree

that Warren was kind of

an a**hole, but, I still

kind of favor men.

- No offense.

- None taken.

For some women,

it's an acquired taste.

- But it's okay, no pressure.

- [engine failing]

- No.

- No, I mean it.

- No. No, no, no!

- I mean it, I've never forced...

[groans]

No!

- We're out of gas.

- You're kidding.

Yeah, yeah, this is absolutely something

I would joke about right now.

- Now what?

- I don't know about you, but...

the last thing I want to do is

wander around there at night.

Yeah. I'm not big

on that choice either.

So, I think we stay

here till morning,

and then grab as much food

and water that we can carry

and go out there

and try to find some help.

[sighs]

Who knows, maybe we can

even get a few hours of sleep.

- I am all for sleeping.

- Yeah.

- And I do mean sleeping.

- Just sleeping.

[Ivy]

Right.

- [rumbles]

- [moans]

Oh, Reese, I thought

you weren't into girls.

Oh, my God.

Oh, f***.

[laughs]

Oh, Reese.

Oh, where did you

learn to do that?

Oh, f***.

Ow. Nibbling is cool.

[moans]

Oh, ow! Reese teeth,

not so cool.

Oh, f***.

Okay, seriously, the teeth.

[growls]

[exhales]

Jesus Christ.

Reese?

Oh, good, you're awake.

I sure hope so.

[Reese]

I don't see anything out here.

We are absolutely

in the middle of nowhere.

Are there

any backup gas cans on board?

Nope. Already looked.

Yep. We are empty.

- So then, we're walking.

- Unless you have a better idea.

[Ivy]

Do you think they found us?

I got three bullets left.

I got the corkscrew

and the scissors.

What if it is help?

What do we tell them?

I don't know,

but I think trying to explain

the six dead bodies on board

is going to be a tough one.

Just follow my lead.

Morning ladies.

- Morning.

- Having a little trouble?

That's the understatement

of the year.

- Who are you?

- Bob McCready.

I'm with Sin City Party Buses.

Came to help.

How did you find us?

A LoJack.

Our whole line has them

so we can keep track

of where everyone is

if they miss

their destination

and/or they don't return

radio calls.

Which is when they call out

the search party, which is me.

Bob McCready, hi.

So where's, uh,

where's Matilda?

- Who?

- The bus driver? Matilda Getty?

- Oh, right.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, funny story.

- Um...

Well, um, we ran out of gas.

So Matilda just took all the

others to the nearest town.

On foot? Because that's

20 miles from here.

Really? Well, she's didn't want

to leave the bus unattended.

So Reese and I volunteered

to stay behind.

- Just the two of you?

- I'm afraid so.

So how the hell

did you wind up out here?

I don't know.

We weren't driving.

I think she was trying to take

a shortcut or something.

That's right.

Never disobey the GPS,

number one rule of the road.

Matilda should have

known better. Damn.

This thing looks like it's

been through hell and back.

That's the truth.

Bet you two have

seen better days.

We'd just really like

a ride to the closest town.

Like now, if possible.

Oh, no, no problem, I'll

just pull out your luggage.

- Oh, no, no, no!

- All righty then.

- Go back to civilization.

- Yes.

Come on, I don't bite.

[sighs]

Aren't you going

to call this in?

Oh, sure, I just have to get to

an area where I get a signal.

Well, isn't your GPS working?

Oh, nothing works out here.

Then how did you

locate us again?

Whoops. You got me.

[screaming]

And now we've got you.

- [laughs]

- F*** that!

My one good eye!

- You want me to drive?

- If you're up to it.

- I'm good.

- [music playing]

[Lara]

Help! Hey!

Oh, sh*t!

Hello!

There you are. I've been looking

everywhere for you guys.

I thought you said

she was a monster.

She is.

- How many bullets left?

- None.

- [sighs]

- Where are all the others?

Don't you remember?

I remember

we were on the bus...

you all said I had

to have sex with Peter.

Next thing I know I woke up in

the desert naked this morning.

I found these cloths,

put them on.

So come on, let me in.

One moment.

Are you sure she's a monster?

I mean, she doesn't...

look at her.

I mean, are you sure?

I'm positive, okay?

She turned into this

winged demonic creature.

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