Party Bus to Hell Page #4

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[man] Release the

chosen one or perish!

I can personally attest

that she is no virgin.

Pure and innocent, no.

But we go back

to the biblical term.

[chanting

in foreign language]

And no matter what you two did

in that bathroom back there,

you simply don't have the

right equipment for the job.

And no, buzz pop cocktails

doesn't exactly qualify.

- Tastes great, though.

- Less filling.

How did you know?

How could you have

possibly known?

We've been watching you ever

since you were born, Lara.

You don't even know

who your true parents are.

- You were adopted.

- Why...

I bet you think you got on this

bus today by happenstance.

I...

[chanting

in foreign language]

I woke up this morning...

and took something, I think,

I don't know.

Then this creep

gave me a ride

and when I wouldn't put out, he

dropped me off at this bus stop.

That creep's name

is Gregory.

[Priestess]

Release!

Release! Let yourself go.

[laughs]

What?

[gasps]

[Joan] Time to come

out tonight, Lara.

It's all been planned.

Tonight's the big night.

You come with me and maybe some

of these sheep will survive!

F*** you, lady.

She's not going anywhere.

Damn straight, b*tch.

[chanting

in foreign language]

[Joan groans]

[all chanting]

[Joan laughing]

[all]

Hail, hail!

Someone pull out their cell!

Where's the bus driver?

[screaming]

[all]

All hail the chosen one!

All hail

the chosen one!

All hail the chosen one!

[loud crunch]

All hail the chosen one!

[gunshot]

[screaming]

[all]

Release, release, release.

Release, release, release.

What the f***ing hell?

Where did all

of her tattoos go?

- [hisses]

- [all screaming]

[music playing]

[all]

Release!

Release!

Release! Release!

[screaming]

All hail the...

[engine turns on]

How is this bus running?

I don't know, but let's get

the f*** out of here.

- [hisses]

- Whoa!

Sh*t.

Jesus.

[muffled chanting]

[chanting continues]

Was anyone bitten

or scratched or stung?

- I guess just me.

- Jesus.

She really took a bite

out of you.

Chicks know a tasty treat

when they see one.

Don't talk.

It makes it worse.

Guess we can add cannibalism

to their long line of evil.

Whoo-hoo!

Why didn't you drive us

out of here?

The bus stalled. Without a key,

there's not much I can do.

This is all my fault.

If it wasn't for me, none

of you would be in danger.

I should have never

gotten on this bus.

And I wouldn't have if...

she didn't say it was free.

Stop that, right now. Okay, you cannot

blame yourself for the acts of some...

psychotic cult of sand

demon devil worshippers.

[man] Release the chosen one!

It is our time.

[all]

Release the chosen one!

Release, release!

Release, release, release!

This is a nightmare.

Sounds more like

a broken record.

Well, I for one choose

not to perish.

- Time to go, Lara.

- No one is going anywhere.

If we stay on this bus,

they're eventually going

to break in here

and kill us all!

I don't want to die.

Yeah, well, that's what

virgin sacrifices tend to do.

I'm sorry.

I didn't make the rules here.

So what would happen

if our virgin sacrifice...

was no longer a virgin?

I need everyone

to release. Now.

[all chanting]

Release. Release.

Well, no virgin,

no sacrifice.

You mean,

if I lose my cherry...

there's no reason

for them to kill me?

Exactly.

Well, I'm less

opposed to that idea.

And I can help. See, I have all

these special toys in my bag.

Ivy, I really don't want to

lose my virginity to a dildo.

Well, that counts Warren out.

Ha-ha, funny honey.

Really funny.

I'll do it.

Alan, with the amount of blood

you've already lost,

I don't think you're up

for doing anything tonight.

That's what

the Viagra's for.

No, increased blood flow

anywhere is the last thing

you need right now.

Well, then that only leaves...

[man]

Remove your robes!

Come on, girl.

Let's play.

[laughing]

Meow.

What was your name again?

- Peter.

- [scoffs]

Look, despite popular belief, not

all guys can just perform on cue.

Are you kidding me?

Look at her.

Meow.

[moans]

Lara, you're beautiful

and everything

and I would love to,

I mean, I'd be honored.

What's the matter? Got a

little problem downstairs?

I'm just saying, you know.

Here, in front of everyone?

I'm not a porn actor,

I'm an investment banker.

[woman]

I need more fingers.

Okay, if you won't f*** her,

I will.

- Oh, the f*** you will.

- Isn't that what I just said?

- Give me a break, okay?

- Oh, I'll give you a break.

- Peter, please.

- I'll break it off.

I really don't want

to die a virgin.

[Warren] I gave you so

many orgasms last week.

We can dim the lights.

[clears throat]

Or how about...

That could work.

[all chanting and moaning]

Release, release.

Uh...

hi.

Hi.

There's not a lot

of room in here.

Yeah, I'm probably

a little tight.

Oh, no, that's not what I...

never mind.

Give me the gun,

I need to reload.

I can do it.

[moaning]

How old are you?

- Just turned 18.

- Eighteen? That's a good age.

Well, to be honest,

I turn 18 tomorrow.

[loud bang]

You're only a minor?

I don't know,

what time is it?

- Five minutes to midnight.

- So... I'm almost legal.

I won't tell anyone.

Would you just hurry up

and screw already?

[bangs]

F*** off!

[music playing]

Release!

Release the chosen one!

[chanting]

Release the chosen one.

We're working on it.

Yeah, just not

the way you think.

Feel the passion.

- [moans]

- Feel the fury!

You guys? I wasn't

kidding about the key.

Cavity search?

You really think

that crazy b*tch swallowed it?

Let's have a look.

- [moans]

- Does it hurt?

A little.

But it's okay.

I want to live.

[moans]

[crunching]

[moans]

Oh, no, I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, come on, Warren.

Grow some balls.

Oh God, oh, feels like

you're growing bigger.

You're just so tight.

So tight.

That's okay.

Deeper. Get in there deeper.

I feel something happening.

Wider, open her wider.

Yes, yes, yes.

More, yes, f***!

F*** me hard and faster.

[Ivy]

She feels tight.

F***, f***, f***, f***.

[music playing]

F*** me, f*** me.

[screams]

I'm coming.

- Lara!

- I'm coming.

[all]

The chosen one has arrived!

Hail, hail, hail!

[growls]

[Peter screams]

Damn. My first time

didn't sound like that.

That's for sure. He was done

before we even got started.

[growls]

Oh, I found it! Yes!

Great, let's get

the f*** out of here.

[all]

All hail the chosen one!

All hail the chosen one!

I'll drive.

All hail...

Hail, hail!

[all]

Hail, hail!

Hail, hail!

Sounds like a Trump rally

out there.

Hey, guys, we found the key.

Guys?

[screaming]

Holy fucksticks!

[screams]

[screams]

It's the dawn of a new day!

It's a glorious day!

[growls]

Help me!

- You son of a b*tch!

- What's going on back there?

Drive, drive, drive!

[engine starts]

[all]

All hail the chosen one.

- All hail the chosen one.

- So long, freaks.

All hail the chosen one.

All hail the chosen one.

All hail the chosen one.

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