Patch Adams Page #3

That's why we have to dive into people,

wade into the sea of humanity, Truman.

Ballroom seven,

right upstairs on your left.

- You guys with

the meat packers convention ?

- Yes, sir !

Right up the stairs.

Ballroom seven.

- Hey ! Does a chicken have lips ?

- You'll find out upstairs !

Like a bulldog

on a pork chop !

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

You know, in New Zealand

they found a whole new use for sheep.

- What's that ?

- Wool !

You're funny !

You kill me ! You kill me !

- I love you !

- Oh, daddy !

And you-- I bet you've heard that too !

Come here ! Ha ha !

- "Herd" it ? That's a goat joke !

- Ohh !

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

[ Man ]

On your meat !

Get set ! Go !

- Ohh ! Yeah !

- [ All Cheering ]

- I won !

- [ Cheering Continues ]

[ Patch ] Pork packers,

rump wrappers, bull shippers,

- [ All Laughing ]

- Lend me your steers !

[ Laughing Continues,

Cheering ]

You know, we packers have been

taking a bad rap for years.

Yeah !

[ Cheering Continues ]

Because we all want to be

the best damn packers there are !

- Yeah !

- Yeah !

- I'm proud of my meat !

- And I know you're proud of your meat !

- Yeah !

- Whip it, zip it and send it out !

- Yeah !

[ Cheering, Hooting ]

You know,

some people say chicken.

- No !

- No !

- Some people say fish.

- No !

I say,

now is the time for cow !

[ Cheering Continues ]

[ Chanting ]

Eat cow ! Eat cow ! Eat cow ! Eat cow !

Eat cow ! Eat cow !

Eat cow ! Eat cow ! Eat cow !

Eat cow ! Eat cow !

Eat cow ! Eat cow ! Eat cow !

- [ Chanting Continues ]

- Hey, bud.

- Hey !

- Oh !

Yes, thanks.

Oh, yeah.

Hey-- Whoa !

What is it ?

What's the difference

between a first-year

and a third-year medical student ?

[ Woman On P.A. ]

Doctor Vukov, please dial line 1242.

Dr. Vukov,

please dial line 1242.

Here we have

a juvenile onset diabetic...

with poor circulation

and diabetic neuropathy.

As you can see,

these are diabetic ulcers...

with lymphedema

and evidence of gangrene.

Questions ?

- Any osteomyelitis ?

- None apparent.

Although not definitive.

- Treatment ?

- To stabilize the blood sugar.

Consider antibiotics,

possibly amputation.

[ Patch ]

What's her name ?

I was just wondering

the patient's name.

Marjorie.

Hi, Marjorie.

Hi.

Yes, um, thank you.

Let's move on.

- What are you doing ?

- Continuing the experiment. Come on.

We can start a lemonade stand

together after we get kicked out

of medical school.

Bye, Marjorie.

- [ Crashing Sounds ]

- I cannot stand it in there, Joletta.

He doesn't have

to talk to me like that.

I know, hon, but really,

how good a mood would you be in ?

- May I help you ?

- Oh, um--

So I'll meet you

at the club.

Oh, great.

Maybe we'll play the back nine, hmm ?

Hello. I'm Patch.

I'm studying medicine here.

Well, not here, but--

Y-You know.

Lookit here, Judy.

Another future boss.

Oh, I wouldn't

look at it like that.

You may think

I'm exaggeratin',

but in another five years

you'll be so full of yourself...

you'll have to hang a cup out your ass

just to catch the excess.

- Joletta !

- Ouch.

- Well, hell, why not ?

It's the only time in my life

I'm gonna outrank him.

Might as well enjoy it.

- Who's in that room ?

- Don't even think about it.

He'll bite your head off.

Mr. Davis.

Pancreatic cancer.

How long does he have ?

Longer than you,

if you go in that room.

So be sure

you steer clear.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

Hey !

What year are you ?

- Hi.

- Hey.

[ Woman On P.A. ]

Dr. Landaker to Administration.

Dr. Landaker

to Administration, please.

Hi.

Hi.

- What's your name ?

- Cameron.

Hi, Cameron.

I'm Patch.

[ Sniffling ]

I have a cold. Just a bit of a cold.

Is my nose red ?

Oh, it is. It's red.

Ohh ! Oh.

What's that ?

You don't know ?

I don't either.

Let's find out.

- Taxi !

- [ Laughs ]

Try on you.

Give it to me.

[ Whooshing Noise ]

[ Whooshing Noise ]

It's working very well.

[ Whispering ]

Let's see what else we have.

[ Gasps ]

Look at some of this stuff.

[ Making Buzzing Noise ]

[ Kissing ]

Bee kisses.

[ Buzzing Noise ]

[ Continues Buzzing ]

Hi.

- Hi.

- You mind if I sit down ?

[ Children Laughing ]

- [ Clucking ]

- [ Snickering ]

[ Continues Clucking ]

Hah ? Well, then,

hello, hello.

Oh, look at--

[ Sighs ]

[ Feet Shuffling Rhythmically ]

Yee-haah !

Yee-haah !

Whoa ! Whoa !

[ Shouting ] Yee-haah !

Come on, buddy !

Whee-haah !

What is going on here ?

[ Laughing ]

Sit down.

- Get in your beds right now.

- [ Squealing, Laughing Continues ]

[ Nurse ]

Sit down ! Sit down !

Lie down in your beds

right now !

- I've checked up on you, Hunter.

- Patch.

Hunter, Dr. Prack was

a colleague of mine at Bringham.

He tells me

you have a brilliant mind...

and, like many brilliant people,

you don't necessarily think

the rules apply to you.

Not all the rules, sir, but the Golden

Rule, I think that applies to everyone.

Don't you, sir ?

I've also heard you have

a real passion to be a doctor, Hunter.

Patch.

Truth of it is, Hunter,

passion doesn't make doctors.

I make doctors.

Understood ?

- Understood.

- Good.

Medical students, as a rule,

have no contact with patients

until the third year.

- Is that clear ?

- It is, sir, but don't you think--

- Is that clear ?

- It is, sir, but don't you think--

Our way of doing things

is a product of centuries of experience.

It's all there for a reason.

[ Faint Sirens, People Shouting ]

It's my hospital.

I know everything

that goes on inside of it.

Everything.

[ Truman ]

Deviation of the tongue.

- [ Woman ]

A problem with the cranial nerve.

- Which side ?

- Right side, tenth nerve.

- Twelfth nerve.

Do you know how many billions of dollars

are wasted on malpractice insurance ?

That's money that goes to lawyers

that could go to patients.

- Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.

- Everybody know Carin Fisher,

Adelane's roommate ?

I invited her to join

our study group.

So, Carin, why do you

want to be a doctor ?

Is it just me, or do we

have a lot of work to do ?

It's just a question.

I think it's the question.

Actually, I don't find the question

here in the outline.

- What page are you on ?

- Uh, 1432.

Deviation of a tongue.

We'd learn more if we were

working closely with patients.

That's why we're studying--

to learn enough to help the patients.

Adelane, don't waste your breath.

Don't you th--

[ Sighs ]

Don't you think

I see through you ?

You act like you're above the system

when you're really just a nonconformist.

You have to get

under the fingernails...

of any authority figure

that crosses your path...

as a way of dealing

with some insecurity.

Antisocial personality, I believe.

Intriguing diagnosis.

Truman, this isn't funny. Smart people

flunk out of here all the time.

Yeah, uh, odds are one of

the five of us sitting here, actually.

I have another question.

In a perfect system...

why are patients referred to

by their disease...

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