Patti Cake$ Page #7

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Opportunity knocks

I rip the door

Off the hinges

Here's Patti, b*tches.

You can call me

Your Highness

I puff them joints

Like arthritis

I'm doper than a line of China

White that's up in ya sinus

And all I touch is the Midas

My lifestyle is designer

Rihanna said my vagina

Shinin' bright like a diamond

'Cause when

I'm rhymin' the fly

Men wanna get in my hymen

I say don't even try, man

'Cause I didn't say Simon

Cowell crowned me the nicest

Miss American Idol

My rivals go and join ISIS

'Cause they be suicidal

F***in' swear like a sailor

On a whole stack of Bibles

The Father, Son and Holy Ghost

'Cause I'm a O-Z disciple

Count my Franklins in Spanks

'Cause my rhymes

Be the tightest

Well, I know talk is cheap

But my sh*t is priceless

My libations?

Not what I was seeing

in my mind's eye.

You know how much I bought

that painting for at auction?

Uh...

I don't know.

Two point four.

Why such a hefty price tag?

Because it's the perfect

distillation of a man's anger...

pain, emotion.

In the lines, you can see

the artist's madness,

his dreams, humanity.

It's a snapshot of an artist's

soul in all its divinity.

For that,

two point four is a steal.

You ain't no artist.

You a culture vulture

who ain't got a clue

who it is you is.

Stick to the drinks, white girl.

I gave you a chance

and you f***ed me.

The tie.

You f***ed me.

You're fired.

F***!

F***! F***!

Dumb, f***in' b*tch!

So f***in' stupid.

This is the biggest

f***in' opportunity of ya life.

I'm 'bout to make you a star.

You sing your little bilingual

face off, all right?

Do not f*** this up.

I need you to go up there

and be a man

for once in your f***in' life.

The crowd, they f***in' hype.

They love you,

do not let them down.

Get yourself on that stage

and you shake your

little f***in' hips.

Just go up there and do it.

Benzo says we're on in ten.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

give it up for Sparkles,

all the way from Bushwick,

New York.

This is it. Moment of truth.

Let's melt some faces.

Cheeters is proud to present

PB and motherfucking J.

Comma Sutra

Comma, Comma Sutra

Comma Sutra

Comma, Comma Sutra

Oh, we're PBNJ

We goin' do ya

Comma Sutra

Comma, Comma Sutra

Jheromeo the lover boy

And Killa P the shoota

The A-list makes

A beeline to my behind

Rip the stage in a rage

Every time I freestyle

Fly off in a G-5

Haters throw peace signs

'Cause the v-gine's

Sweeter than a key lime

Feline

Break bread with Bill

What're you doing?

Where are you going, P?

We have a whole set to finish.

You can't just

run off like this.

God, don't you get it?

You're completely ridiculous.

Nobody can take you seriously.

I can't anymore, either.

Okay, no more of your stupid

little fantasies. I quit.

This is bullshit!

Hey, yo, Hareesh!

Hareesh! Hareesh!

What the f*** is you doin'

out here, mang?

Go on stage and finish

the f***in' performance, mang.

Smack the spice out your

f***in' ass, mang.

Today on Judge Faith...

A projector in the house

isn't always the brightest idea.

Huh! Look who it is.

Couldn't sleep, either?

What's the matter, Patti Cakes?

I f***ed up real bad.

What'd you do?

I thought I could be someone.

A**hole.

You already are.

You're my superstar.

Love you, kiddo.

I love you, too.

It'll be okay.

Walking through

a graveyard one dire night

And I was scared

I was shaken with fright

Somebody screamed

I turned around

Ma'am, ma'am.

Hey, ma'am.

Hon, gimme a Red Stripe.

Let me guess.

Dressed as sad poet.

Not tonight, Joe.

I'm not in the mood.

That time of month, ma'am?

Eat a dick.

Ta-da.

What d'ya think?

Really, Ma?

That's a lotta skin.

Yeah, well,

that's what they're comin'

to see, darlin'.

It's called show business.

But you wouldn't know

about that, would ya?

Why can't you just act your age?

And why can't you act your race?

How's your rap career goin'?

It's over.

Hmm. Well...

Well, reality's a b*tch,

ain't she?

You know, I ain't holdin'

your hair back

in that stall tonight.

"Yo, I got

the game in a chokehold;

You soft as fro-yo;

I'm Babe Ruthing kimono.

You Sammy So-So;

you ain't got no wins

in my dojo.

I'm beefin' with all y'all

pussies queefing;

I'm... "

- Oh.

- F*** you all.

I'm done.

All right, looks like we got

every cop in town on stage.

Let's make some noise for.

NJPD Blues

and the beautiful

Barbara Dombrowski.

Thank you, boys.

Whip 'em out!

I went to a party

Last Saturday night

I didn't get laid

I got in a fight

Uh-huh

It ain't no big thing

But I know what I like

I know

I like dancin' with you

And you know what I like

You know

I like dancin' with you

Dancin' with you

Come on, kiss me once

Kiss me twice

Come on, pretty baby

Kiss me deadly

Come on, kiss me once

Kiss me twice

Come on, pretty baby

Kiss me deadly

What're you doing here?

I feel like

a big fat f***ing liar.

You have more talent

and imagination

in this little finger

than the rest of this whole

town combined.

Don't leave.

Please.

Bob.

Excuse me?

My real name is Bob.

I went to Berkin Catholic.

My dad's a lawyer...

Shh. Bob.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

Shut the f*** up.

Bob?

Hello?

Nan, you won't believe...

She went to see Pop-Pop.

Bye, Nan.

That was really beautiful, Ma.

He didn't even show up.

Coward.

He went back

to his crow of a wife.

He don't deserve you.

How are we even gonna pay

for all of this?

Did you get your

latest paycheck?

Ma.

I got let go.

Dombrowski sisters,

settin' the world on fire.

Killa P,

lyrically the illest b*tch

in history.

Lifestyles

of the Rich 'n Infamy.

Breakfast at Tiffany's;

dinner in Little Italy.

Oh, I guess

it's just the pimp in me.

Cindy, how are you?

I'm in trouble.

- Shoplifting?

- No, real trouble.

I ran away from this place

and can't go back. I just...

Okay, wait a minute.

Slow down. What place?

Her body's not even cold yet.

What else you want,

my first f***in' born?

Hey! Hey, chill, girl.

- Is this Killa P?

- Uh...

it was. Who's this?

French Tips.

Remember we met a while ago

back at a Bar Mitzvah thing?

Hey, I finally got around

to listening to your demo.

And it's rough as hell,

but, you know what,

it's kinda hot.

- You're shittin' me.

- Not shitting you.

I hope you don't mind,

but I submitted your name

for this shortlist

for the Rookie Monster.

- Wait, really?

- Mm-hmm.

Wait, you better not be

messing with me, okay.

I've had a really

tough run here.

Hey, hey, it's next week

at Saint Mary's, in Newark.

And, you know, you got

some record label people there,

some A and R folks and sh*t.

Get some eyes on you.

We broke up.

Well, get back together.

Don't waste my time. Bye.

Holy sh*t.

Holy sh*t, holy sh*t,

holy sh*t, holy sh*t.

Jheromeo.

That's my homie-o.

Wherefore art thou, my Jheromeo?

Look, I know I'm a piece

of f***in' garbage. I'm sorry.

You really need

to check yourself.

I miss you.

Miss hangin' out.

Miss makin' music together.

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