Pawn Shop Chronicles Page #3

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Aha!

You just said my

f***ing name, Randy.

You just said my f***ing name!

F***ing dumbasses.

I told you this

was a stupid f***ing idea.

Man, my f***ing arm's

getting tired.

I can't f***ing hold

this sh*t any longer.

The bow ain't got

nothing to do with it.

It ain't my fault that Stanley sits

next to his window all f***ing day

waiting for sh*t

like this to happen.

Well, what the f*** are

we gonna do now, huh?

Oh, f***!

Oh, what the f***, man?

F***, Randy. I didn't mean

to f***ing shoot you.

Oh, what the f***?

- F***ing dumb-ass.

- Shut the f*** up, Stanley!

F***, man.

What the..

Does it hurt?

F***, yeah, it hurts, man!

I hope you two

don't do this for a living.

Ah!

Do I pull it out?

Do I pull it out?

- What do I do?

- No, I don't think so, man.

What am I gonna do?

- What the f***?

- You motherfuckers.

- Vernon?

- Vernon, you in on this?

Shut up.

These a**holes run me over

and left me for dead in

the middle of nowhere.

A**hole? Vernon, I wasn't the

motherf***er that ran you over.

F*** you, Raw Dog.

You left me there.

Hey, just calm

the f*** down, Vernon.

Look, I got a f***ing

arrow in me, man.

And what the hell are you

doing with my clown mask on?

'Cause it was the only f***ing

mask I could find, man.

Easy now.

Don't be pointing

that shotgun in here.

You know what's gonna happen

if you shoot that thing off.

Yeah, you damn right I do.

- Sh*t!

- Die!

Oh, sh*t!

You know, salvation

comes in many forms.

- Ha!

- F***, man!

Today, it rolled up in a 4x4.

Vernon, you damn f***!

F***!

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

You methy douchebag. I'm..

- No!

- Step on this, b*tch!

Ah!

Fine. If you wanna

keep the Santa out there,

it'll be Christmas year-round

in Irwin, Georgia.

You know you ain't

fooling nobody, right?

It ain't got nothing to do

with it being spring time.

You don't like it

'cause he's black.

Why you calling me a racist?

Well, you don't like

black Santa Claus.

And last week,

you told me you don't

like black porno.

Now hang on a damn minute.

Now that's got nothing

to do with racism.

I like black chicks

in porno movies.

I just don't like 'em with the

black guys in them, that's all.

Why come? They make

you feel inadequate?

No.

It's because their

d*cks are so dark.

They get to f***ing,

their d*cks get wet, they

get glisteny and sh*t,

and it's hard for my

eyes to unfocus off it.

Make me sick.

Eh, well, I guess

you got a point.

Hey, why come you

selling that car?

I told you. I was up

at a four-way stop,

a big black 4x4 truck,

black tinted windows went

out of turn, nearly hit me.

Sh*t!

Motherf***er.

F*** you, sh*t for brains!

Learn how to drive!

F***in' creep.

Christ!

- Nut job.

- Well, who was it?

I don't know.

Not from around here.

Had West Virginia plates.

Now every time I take the car out,

f***er appears out of nowhere,

tries to run me down.

Well, obviously, this boy got

himself a mental problem.

Why come you gonna let this one

fool make you sell your car?

Look, he tried to

kill me eight times.

That piece-of-sh*t car

ain't worth dying over.

I guess you got a point.

Hi there.

I'm Richard and this is Sandy.

We just got married yesterday.

- Congratulations.

- Ta-da.

Yeah, look at that.

That's some rock.

Listen, this is gonna

sound totally nuts,

but we're on our way to

Orlando for our honeymoon,

and I stopped at an ATM machine

and some son of a gun

hacked into my account

and drained every last dime.

Well, you look pretty chipper for

somebody that just got ripped off.

Well, I got news for you,

there's absolutely nothing

that's gonna bring me down today

because I just married

the most beautiful

woman in the world.

Mwah!

We're gonna enjoy our honeymoon.

And I'm confident that the bank is

gonna straighten everything out.

But until then,

we need a little

cash for our trip.

We're just gonna need a couple thousand

and we'll pick it up on the way back.

Well, I ain't got that

kind of cash lying around.

Folks don't come in here

with a $10,000 ring.

Here.

Sorry, hon.

Here, here, take a look

at this baby right here.

How much can you

loan us on this?

Just for a week or so

until the banks get back.

I don't know. Maybe

four or five hundred.

Are you kidding me?

Four or five hundred.

Can I help you

with something there?

Let me see that ring.

Which one? This one here?

Yes.

Honey, is something wrong?

Oh, no.

Richard, what's wrong?

Honey, what's the matter?

Um..

I'm gonna need you

to wait outside.

- What?

- No, no.

Just wait outside.

- Honey, can't you just tell me?

- Please.

Outside.

I'll be out in a second.

I'll explain everything.

You okay there, mister?

Where did you get this ring?

No, I can't tell you that

kind of information.

- Where did you get the ring?

- What are you, a parrot?

I said I can't tell. Look, you think

that ring was stolen from you,

- you gotta fill out a police report.

- Now, I want you to listen to me.

This ring..

This ring belonged to my wife.

Not her.

My first wife Cyndi.

Six years ago,

Cyndi disappeared.

Her car was still in the garage.

There was blood found

in the driveway.

So I know she didn't

just run away.

That wasn't Cyndi.

No.

She was taken from me

without a trace.

And, you know, to

make matters worse..

I seem to be the cops'

number-one suspect.

Mm-mm-mm.

And now.. six years later,

the day after my wedding,

I end up in a pawn shop..

What, six, seven, eight states

away from my hometown..

To find a ring

that I had custom-made for her

with our names

inscribed in the band

and you say you can't

give out information?

No. You'll have

to call the cops.

- Maybe they can figure it out.

- No cops.

I want you to tell me

who sold you this ring.

Man, I can't.

All right, you listen to me.

You see that diamond

you got in your hand?

I want you keep that ring.

That's a $17,000

ring, by the way.

All I want in exchange for it

is my old ring back

plus that shitty hatchback

you got for sale out front.

Hmm.

What is it you want?

How much you give me on this?

It's a valuable family heirloom.

Belonged to my granny.

She's dead. It's pretty.

It's pretty.

Well, I'll give you 40.

Deal.

His name's J.J. Thomason.

Might even find him at Lou's

Fire Pit in the square.

He's a cook there.

Now don't tell nobody

I told you nothing.

- Don't.

- I..

- Don't say..

- I'm just saying..

Just don't say nothing.

Richard, what is going on?

- I need you to go back home.

- What?

Take the car and go

back to Connecticut.

But.. no, no, no, no.

We're on our honeymoon

and now you want me

to just drive home?

I wanna know what the

hell is going on.

It's a private matter.

Private? It's private?

There is no private.

We just got married.

You can't just drive off

without an explanation.

I'm your wife.

I already have a wife.

What are you talking about?

Why are you doing this to me?

Richard?

Richard, come back!

Richard, don't go.

We're supposed to go to Orlando!

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