Phunny Business: A Black Comedy Page #3

WEEKEND.

WHATCHU MEAN WE DON'T HAVE A

ROOM?

WE DON'T.

WE DON'T HAVE A HOTEL ROOM?

THIS IS CHICAGO.

HE SAID, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA, WHOA, PULL THIS CAR

OVER.

YOU DON'T WANNA PAY FOR THE

ROOM.

LET'S JUST GO THERE.

THEY GOT A ROOM.

HE SAID IF YOU, IF YOU GUYS

WEREN'T BLACK I'D TELL YOU TO

TAKE ME RIGHT BACK TO O'HARE

RIGHT NOW.

I WAS WILLING IN THEM DAYS TO

DO WHATEVER I HAD TO DO.

WE COULDN'T AFFORD A HOTEL

ROOM FOR JAMIE FOXX EITHER,

BUT WHEN YOU GOT CATS LIKE

STEVE AND JAMIE WILLING TO

SLEEP ON THE COUCH, YOU BEGIN

TO THINK, WE MAY BE ONTO

SOMETHING.

I MEAN, IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL,

BUT EVEN MY BOSS WAS HELPING

OUT.

I WAS THE ORIGINAL INVESTOR IN

ALL JOKES ASIDE, AND I DIDN' EVEN KNOW IT.

RAY LAMBERT WOULD BE SITTIN'

AT HIS DESK CRYING CAUSE HE

WAS LAUGHING SO HARD.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS ON THE

PHONE WITH STEVE HARVEY, D.L.

HUGHLEY, CEDRIC THE

ENTERTAINER WHILE I WAS PAYING

HIM.

THAT SH*T FUNNY NOW, BUT I WASN'T FUNNY AT THE TIME.

WORKING FULL DAYS IN THE WORLD

OF FINANCE, AND THEN MANNING

THE NIGHT SHIFT AT THE COMEDY

CLUB, WAS TAKING A TOLL ON THE

YOUNG ENTREPRENEURS.

SO THE SELF-PROFESSED BRAINS

OF THE OPERATION NEEDED SOME

BRAUN.

ENTER MARY LINDSEY TO HANDLE

THE COMEDIANS.

I WAS THE ENFORCER.

CAUSE I AM TRULY A BAD GUY.

I WOULD BE THE PERSON THEY'D

SEE, NOT NECESSARILY RAY.

MARY'S LIKE, DON'T BOTHER

RAYMOND; I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

COME TO MAMA, YOU KNOW, LET'S

GO SIT DOWN AND DO THE

PAPERWORK.

MARY WAS AWFUL.

I MEAN SHE WAS HARDER ON ME

THAN AN EX-WIFE.

I GUESS I LOOK LIKE THE MAN

THAT DID HERE WRONG.

I DON'T KNOW.

SHE WORKS AT A COMEDY CLUB AND

SHE'S SERIOUS AS A FUNERAL.

WE'VE HAD TWO SHOWS THUS FAR,

UM, THEY'VE, THERE ARE PROVING

TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

MARY GAVE YOU THE IMPRESSION

THAT SHE DIDN'T TAKE NO SH*T,

WHICH I LIKE.

IF YOU WERE TO GO GOOD COP,

BAD COP.

RAYMOND WAS GOOD COP, AND MARY

WAS BAD COP.

SHE'S LIKE HERE'S YOUR CHECK

BABY, THANK YOU!

NEXT!

YOU OUT THE GAME.

IT WAS GREAT TO HAVE MARY DEAL

WITH THE COMEDIANS.

IT GAVE ME TIME TO DEAL WITH

THE MANAGERS, AGENTS, AND

LAWYERS WHO CAN SUCK ALL THE

FUN OUT OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS

GONNA BE A FUN BUSINESS.

WITH THIS UNLIKELY TEAM IN

PLACE, AND THE COMEDY THING

BEGINNING TO GEL, THEY WERE

ONLY THREE STEPS AWAY FROM

LEAVING THE ART GALLERY AND

OPENING A REAL COMEDY CLUB.

STEP ONE; GET A BIG TIME

INVESTOR.

SFX:
DRUM ROLL

I KNEW MY MOTHER HAD SOME CASH

AND I EXPLAINED TO HER WE

NEEDED A HUNDRED THOUSAND

DOLLARS.

SFX:
CASH REGISTER

STEP TWO WOULD BE A LITTLE

TOUGHER.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEIR DAY

JOBS?

RAY LAMBERT LEAVING MY FIRM TO

GO OUT ON HIS OWN...

DUDE, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

WHAT WAS RAYMOND THINKING?

WELL, HE WAS THINKING, THA LIKE CHRIS GARDNER, HE WANTED

TO BE AN ENTREPRENEUR.

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT, BU THAT'S OKAY

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS,

ENTREPRENEURS OFTEN SEE THINGS

THAT NO ONE ELSE SEE.

ALRIGHT, MY MAMA USE TO CALL

IT SEEIN GHOST.

BOY, YOU SEEIN THINGS THA NOBODY ELSE IS SEEIN AGAIN

AREN'T YOU.

I AM SO GLAD THAT CHRIS CAN

SEES IT THAT WAY NOW, BUT BACK

THEN HE DIDN'T SPEAK TO ME FOR

TWO YEARS, BUT TO SEE MY

VISION THROUGH, I HAD TO GO

FULL TIME.

HAD HE STAYED I PROBABLY WOULD

HAVE TO WIND UP FIRING HIS ASS

ANYWAY.

FOR JAMES AND MARY, LEAVING

THEIR FULL TIME JOBS WAS A

DIFFERENT STORY.

BACK THEN I WAS A SUCCESSFUL

FULL-TIME BANKER A CONTINENTAL BANK.

I NEVER LEFT MY DAY JOB, SO I

WAS A PART-TIME PARTNER.

I WAS WORKING FOR CHICAGO

BOARD OPTIONS EXCHANGE AND I

WAS LIKE, OKAY I'M NO QUITTING MY DAY JOB, BUT WE

CAN DO THIS.

I'LL HELP YOU.

AND STEP THREE...

GET A PERMANENT LOCATION.

OUR AUDIENCE LOVED OUR

TEMPORARY SPACE SO FINDING OUR

PERMANENT LOCATION RIGHT NEX DOOR WAS A STROKE OF LUCK.

EVERYTHING WAS FALLING INTO

PLACE AND ANOTHER IMPRESSIVE

MOVE WAS CASTING CHICAGO

COMEDIAN GEORGE "THE STRESS

RELIEVER" WILLBORN AS HOUSE

M.C.

I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THE

SIGNIFICANCE OF ME BEING THE

HOUSE MC.

THAT WASN'T A FORMAT THAT THE

WHITE CLUBS, THE MAINSTREAM

CLUBS USED WAS LIKE THE HOUSE

MC.

I WAS THE RINGMASTER OF THIS

REALLY, REALLY HOT AND

INCREDIBLE CLUB.

GEORGE WOULD JUST COME OU HE'D DO HIS SPOT, VERY FUNNY,

HE INTRODUCED THE COMEDIANS,

HE GOT YOUR CREDITS RIGHT.

HE WAS A REALLY GRACIOUS HOST,

HE WAS FUNNY HE SET THE ROOM

UP NICELY FOR YOU.

HE WAS LOVED SO MUCH PEOPLE

DIDN'T CARE WHO THE ACT WAS

THEY WOULD JUST COME SEE

GEORGE.

AND THEN PEOPLE STARTING

RUMORS ABOUT ME, THERE'S A

BUNCH OF RUMORS ABOUT GEORGE

WILLBORN. GEORGE WILLBORN USE

TO BE A THUG, ALL KIND OF

RUMORS.

GEOGE WILLBORN USE TO DEAL

DRUGS.

GEORGE WILLBORN USE TO BE A

GANGSTER, HAVE PEOPLE BEAT UP.

GEORGE WILLBORN USE TO DO THIS

AND THAT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ALL

THAT STUFF, ALL THAT'S TRUE.

ALL THAT'S TRUE.

I REMEMBER GEORGE AS A THIN,

VERY ATTRACTIVE, SUAVE,

DARK-SKINNED MAN.

UH, WE HAD A LITTLE MOMENT,

GEORGE.

AND REMEMBER HOW HE USE TO DO

THIS ALL THE TIME.

GEORGE WILLBURN HAD HALF OF

CHICAGO DOING THIS RIGHT HERE.

THIS RIGHT HERE.

GEORGE WILLBORN COME UP THERE,

BE HITTIN' THAT SH*T RIGH THERE, EVERYBODY GOING CRAZY.

I WAS BLOWED MAN.

TALKING ABOUT, THIS IS WAS WAY

THAT THEY DO IT THE PARADES.

INSTEAD OF THIS, IT'S THIS.

GEORGE WILLBORN BECAME A LOCAL

CELEBRITY FROM PERFORMING A ALL JOKES ASIDE.

GEORGE WILLBORN, THE HOST OF

ALL JOKES ASIDE, HE SHOT HIS

SELF.

AT THE TIME I CARRIED A GUN

ALL THE TIME.

I WAS ACTUALLY ON THE PHONE

WITH GEORGE AND YOU HEAR, POW!

I GOT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.

THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

THEY WOULD ALLOW ME TO BRING

MY GUN IN.

THAT'S A FUNNY GEORGE STORY

BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN AT ALL

JOKES ASIDE.

WE DIDN'T ALLOW GUNS.

I DONE DID SOME THINGS THAT I

AIN'T PROUD OF OKAY?

BUT NOW THE NEWEST RUMOR OUT,

GEORGE WILLBORN LIVE DOWNTOWN

WITH A WHITE WOMEN.

NOW HOLD ON NOW.

NOW, YOU GOT TO HOLD ON!

NOW I AIN'T TRYING TO FINGER

NOBODY OUT THERE BUT GEORGE

WILLBURN LIVING DOWNTOWN WITH

A WHITE WOMEN.

HUH, LET ME TELL YOU FROM MY

MOUTH.

YOU WILL NEVER EVER CATCH

GEORGE WILLBURN LIVING

DOWNTOWN.

WHILE LOCAL MC GEORGE WILLBORN

KEPT THEM LAUGHING, IT WOULD

BE NATIONAL ACTS LIKE STEVE

HARVEY WHO WOULD SERIOUSLY

IMPACT THE GROWTH OF THE CLUB.

COUNTRY MUSIC IS BASIC MUSIC

JUST LIKE SOUL MUSIC.

'CAUSE COUNTRY PEOPLE AIN' TRYING TO TRIP YOU UP OR

NOTHING.

IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A

COUNTRY SONG, YOU RETARDED.

WHEN WE BOOKED STEVE HARVEY ON

WGCI RADIO, TO PROMOTE OUR

CLUB, WE HAD NO IDEA THA WOULD BE ONE OF THE SMARTES MOVES WE'D EVER MAKE.

RAY CAME BY MY OFFICE AT WGCI

AND TOLD ME ABOUT ALL JOKES

ASIDE AND HOW HE WAS REALLY

TRYING TO MAKE IT BIG.

MARV DYSON IS AN URBAN RADIO

PIONEER.

IF YOU WANTED TO REACH BLACK

CHICAGO, YOU NEEDED MARV

DYSON.

I HAD WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A

GREAT IDEA FOR BOTH OF US.

I'D BRING MY COMEDIANS UP TO

THE RADIO STATION; PUT THEM ON

HIS MORNING SHOW.

HE'D GET A FUNNIER SHOW.

I'D GET FREE PROMOTION.

IT WOULD BE A GREAT DEAL FOR

THE BOTH OF US.

BUT MARV SAW IT A LITTLE BI DIFFERENTLY.

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