Phunny Business: A Black Comedy Page #9

AND THIS NIGGA IS JUST ABOU TO SWING.

I GO, OH NO MOTHERF***ER, NO TODAY GODDAMMIT, F*** THAT!

ALL JOKES ASIDE WAS THE ONE

CLUB WHERE YOU DIDN'T FEEL

THAT, THAT SEXISM.

I EXPERIENCED EQUALITY WITH MY

FELLOW MALE COMEDIANS.

MO'NIQUE, WHAT A TALENT.

SHE WAS A REGULAR AT ALL JOKES

ASIDE TOO, BUT DID YOU KNOW

THERE WAS A FIFTH QUEEN OF

COMEDY?

WE HAD HER TOO.

I STARTED WITH THE QUEENS OF

COMEDY I WAS THE ORIGINAL HOS AT THE BEGINNING I THINK WE

DID ABOUT THREE SHOWS BEFORE

THEY BROUGHT LAURA IN AND TOOK

ME OUT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T EVEN

KNOW WHEN THEY IN A

RELATIONSHIP, THEY ARE SO

STUPID.

MEN, OH MY GOD.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY IN A

RELATIONSHIP.

I CAN'T SPEAK FOR ALL THE

WOMEN IN HERE, BUT IF YOU HI THIS TWICE WE GO TOGETHER.

WE'S A COUPLE NOW, BOO.

BEING A BLACK WOMEN IN COMEDY

IS THE HARDEST THING ON EARTH,

CAUSE WE ARE HARDER ON ARE

WOMEN THAN CHINESE PEOPLE ARE

ON DOGS.

OH GOD, IT IS ONE OF THE

HARDEST JOBS IN THE WORLD IS

BEING A BLACK FEMALE COMEDIAN.

YOU KNOW WHEN THEY SAY WOMEN

AREN'T FUNNY, I THINK THEY

MEAN MOST WHITE WOMEN AREN' FUNNY.

YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE GUESS WHAT MAN, WHITE

WOMEN JUST DON'T HAVE IT THA HARD.

STEVE HARVEY HAS ALWAYS KNOWN

HE WAS A PART OF SOMETHING

VERY SPECIAL AND THE ALL JOKES

AUDIENCE WITNESSED THE

BEGINNING.

THE GREATEST RUN EVER WAS ME,

THE GORILLA BERNIE MAC, DL,

AND CED THE ENTERTAINER.

SO I THOUGHT I'D MAKE ME A

SANDWICH, HA-HA.

WENT TO THE REFRIGERATOR,

HA-HA.

GOT ME OUT SOME BREAD, HA HA.

PUT ON SOME SALAMI, HA-HA.

PUT ON SOME CHEESE, HA-HA.

GOV'MENT CHEESE, HA-HA-HA.

WENT BACK TO THE REFRIGERATOR,

HA-HA.

LOOKING FOR THE MIRACLE WHIP,

HA.

WUDN'T NO MIRACLE WHIP, HA.

HAD TO PUT EVERYTHING THINK

BACK UP.

'CAUSE A SANDWICH, HA-HA-HA.

JUST AIN'T A SANDWICH, HA-HA,

WITHOUT THE TASTE, HA-HA, OF

MIRACLE WHIP.

THE DOORS OF THE CHURCH ARE

OPEN.

I HAD WHAT I CALL A LEGENDARY

ALL JOKES ASIDE EXPERIENCE.

WE HAD TO CALL THE PARAMEDICS

TO THE SHOW ONE NIGHT.

I SAID A JOKE, THE PERSON

IN FRONT LAUGHING WAS

LIKE "AHHHH"

AND THE PERSON SITTING

BEHIND HIM SAID "AHHHH" AND

"BOOM" AND THEIR HEADS HIT.

AND IT WAS LIKE THE PARAMEDICS

HAD TO COME.

I JUST REMEMBER THAT AND I WAS

LIKE OH, I'M BUSTING PEOPLE

HEADS WITH COMEDY.

SFX:
AMBULANCE

STEVE HARVEY HAD A SIMILAR

INCIDENT. A GUY WAS LAUGHING

SO HARD HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.

BUT THE THING I REMEMBER MOS ABOUT STEVE WAS THE TIME WE

SPENT TOGETHER OFFSTAGE, JUS TALKING.

RAY WAS A GUY CLOSEST TO ME.

YOU KNOW, THE GUY THAT I

TALKED TO, WOULD SIT UP AND

DISCUSS THE BUSINESS PART OF

IT.

THE NEXT MOVE, HE WAS A GUY

THAT WANTED TO BE A PLAYER IN

THE GAME.

I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT STEVE

AND I ARE REFRESHINGLY OLD

SCHOOL, AND THAT'S REFLECTED

IN HIS COMEDY.

SOME OF Y'ALL THINK THAT WE

ALL LIKE RAP.

I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD

COULD GIVE A DAMN ABOUT

SOME RAP.

THE LAST THING I'M GONNA DO IS

SPEND MY HARD EARNED MONEY, GO

TO A CONCERT,

SEE SOME KID WALKING ROUND WITH

SOME BIGPANTS ON, AND SOME GYM

SHOES UNLACED.

SOMEONE SAY PEACE OUT!

SOMEONE SAY PEACE SOME MORE!

SOMEONE SAY PEACE SOME MORE,

MORE! AHHHH!

LOOKING BACK AT DL HUGHLEY ON

OUR STAGE, HE WAS AMONG THE

BEST AT FINDING GREAT COMEDY

IN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES.

I DON'T KNOW MAN, BLACK

PARENTS ARE JUST DIFFEREN FROM WHITE PARENTS, NO BETTER,

NO WORSE JUST DIFFERENT.

SAW A MOVIE CALLED

"POLTERGEIST". IN THE MOVIE A

LITTLE WHITE CHILD WAS

TRAPPED IN A TV SET

AND HER PARENTS STARTED CRYING.

"AHHH, CAROL ANNE'S IN THE T.V.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?"

YOU KNOW HAD THAT BEEN A BLACK

MOTHER SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN

PROUD.

SHE WOULD OF PICKED UP THE

PHONE CALLED HER BEST FRIEND,

SAID, "GIRL, TURN TO CHANNEL

TWO."

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THIS; NO

BERNIE MAC, NO ALL JOKES

ASIDE.

THIS GUY I'M ABOUT TO

INTRODUCE IS A RENOWNED

COMMENTATOR ALL OVER CHICAGO.

THIS GUY HAS BEEN EVERYWHERE.

YOU SEEN ARSENAL HALL, JOHNNY

CARSON, RICK DEES?

HE WATCH 'EM ALL.

YOU KNOW IT WOULDN'T BE RIGH TO TALK ABOUT ALL JOKES AND

NOT TALK ABOUT BERNIE MAC.

BERNIE WAS THE GODFATHER OF

CHICAGO COMEDY.

THE COMEDIAN I ENJOYED MOS WOULD BE BERNIE MAC.

UM, HE WAS JUST SPECIAL.

BERNIE MAC, WAS JUST, HE WAS

JUST, JUST ONE OF MY

FAVORITES.

BERNIE?

MAN, BERNIE EVEN THOSE DAYS

YOU COULD TELL BERNIE WAS

GOING TO BE VERY, VERY

SPECIAL.

A GUY WHO COMMANDED HIS SPACE

IN TIME.

LIKE A MAN WHO WAS SO

CONFIDENT, SO HUNGRY, SO

FUNNY.

WHEN BERNIE GOT THE SUCCESS

AND HE LET EVERYBODY KNOW THA HE WOULD WORK THROUGH ALL

JOKES.

I MEAN, WE MISS HIM BUT THERE

WAS NOBODY, NOBODY LIKE

BERNIE.

I WOULDN'T DARE CHEAT THE

AUDIENCE IF I DON'T HAVE

ANYTHING TO GIVE I'M NO COMING.

YOU KNOW, I THINK THE MOS IMPORTANT THING IS TO GIVE

YOUR BEST AT ALL TIMES.

I LEARNED ABOUT PERFORMING AND

JUST BEING A MAN FROM THE MAC

MAN.

BERNIE MAC WAS, YOU KNOW, LIKE

A LEVEL YOU WANT TO ASCEND TO

AS A COMEDIAN.

ME, CED AND D.L.

WE STILL HERE,

WE KNOW WHAT BERNIE WAS

TO US WITHOUT BERNIE NONE OF

THIS THING WOULD OF POPPED THE

WAY IT DID.

BUT WE CAN DO OUR HANDS LIKE

THIS IN THE STAND UP BUSINESS

AND SAY, FOR YEAR'S MAN, WE WERE

WERE AMONGST THE KINGS OFCOMEDY.

BY THE MID-NINETIES, ALL JOKES

ASIDE WAS BOOMIN'.

THEY'D EVEN PAID BACK THEIR

BIG TIME INVESTOR.

(SFX:
CASH REGISTER, METAL HIT)

THEY'D ALSO OPENED A SATELLITE

CLUB IN THE "MOTOR CITY" AND

WERE TALKING ABOU EXPANDING TO D.C.

NOW THE CASH WAS REALLY

FLOWIN'.

THERE WAS A LOT OF IT.

IT WAS GREEN.

THERE WAS PLENTY.

IT WAS FLOWING.

I REMEMBER HOW EASILY IT WAS

TO SELL TICKETS.

HOW EASY IT WAS TO PACK A

ROOM.

LINES AROUND THE BLOCK.

LOBBY FULL OF PEOPLE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT DOWN THE

BLOCK, AROUND THE CORNER,

AROUND THE OTHER CORNER, AND

AROUND ANOTHER CORNER.

TURNING AWAY A HUNDRED PEOPLE

A NIGHT.

THIS AIN'T GONNA BE LIKE THIS

FOREVER IS IT?

I COULDN'T BELIEVE, I'M LIKE A

BLACK MAN OWNS THIS CLUB.

THE PRINCE OF ALL JOKES ASIDE.

THIS IS TOO GOOD FOR THEM.

THIS IS TOO GOOD FOR US.

SOMETHING'S GONNA HAPPEN.

SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING.

STORM CLOUDS WERE BEGINNING TO

GATHER.

(SFX:
THUNDER)

STORM CLOUD NUMBER ONE, THE

WHOLE COMEDY BUSINESS WAS

CHANGING.

ALL THE GUYS WHO WERE DOING

THE CLUBS; HONING THEIR

CRAFTS, BECAME STARS.

AND THE GUYS WHO BECAME STARS

STARTED DOING THEATERS.

PEOPLE WANTED TO PLAY CONCERTS

AND NOBODY KINDA WANTED TO

PLAY COMEDY CLUBS.

SO NOW INSTEAD OF ME PLAYING

ALL JOKES ASIDE, I WAS DOING

THE CHICAGO THEATER SOLD OU FOUR NIGHTS.

I WAS DOING THE REGAL THEATER.

I WAS DOING PARKWEST.

IT'S LIKE A WALMART MOVING IN

NEXT TO A MOM AND POP STORE.

FOR US TO BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE

MONEY DOING LESS SHOWS WAS THE

MOVE TO MAKE.

BUT, WHAT WE DIDN'T REALIZE

WAS THAT WE WERE KILLING THE

SMALL GUY.

I SAW THE MARKET GOING TO THE

CHICAGO THEATER.

YOU KNOW, I COULD OF SAID,

WELL LET'S KEEP ALL JOKES BU MAYBE I'LL DO A SUBSIDIARY

UNDER THE ALL JOKES WINDOW

THAT GOES AFTER THESE LARGER

VENUES.

BUT I DIDN'T.

BACK THEN I WAS A PURIST.

STAND UP COMEDY BELONGED IN

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