Pigs Page #5

I mean every guy in rez

has taken action on it

I mean, when she rejected you the first time,

I mean, they more than doubled

And the fact that she's so stinkin' hot

made them double again and again

Then f*** 'em, f*** 'em all

It'll make my victory

that much sweeter

Cleaver:

I love you

Yeah, I love me, too

There by the grace of Miles

goes God

Yeah, I like that

Gabrielle:

Come in!

Hello, it's Miles

You haven't forgotten about me,

have ya?

Gabrielle:

No, I'll just be a second

All right, I'm just

going to go through your stuff

Gabrielle:

Hey!

I'm kiddin'

I'll just wait out here

Can I help you?

No, um, hi

I Gabrielle was just talking to me

and I was, um

just waiting for our date

Uh-huh

Miles:
Fran, I swear to God,

I didn't I didn't even know she was there

Oh, of course you didn't

- Sorry to keep you waiting

- Hey, no biggie!

- All right!

- You guys have met, right?

Yeah, and I'm learning

so much more by the second

- Okay! We better go

- Okay, good night, hon

Good night

Don't be late, I'll wait up

Gabrielle:

Okay

Hey it's Saturday night,

and if you're like me

and have nothin' better to do

than listen to me,

I can help you feel cool on CMFU,

campus radio

# Becoming what I hate

# To have sex on the first date, yeah!

# The party's on tonight

# I'm heterosexually just right

# If you're looking gay

you don't have to try

# you don't gotta try

# Tonight is my night

# For muscle for shine

# The sluts will be mine

# So bring on the sh*t

# So bring on the sh*t

# The party's on tonight

# you dirty motherfuckers!

# The party's on tonight

# I'm heterosexually just right

May I start you off with drinks?

Uh, yeah, do you like red wine?

I love it

Great A bottle

of your house red, please

- Gabrielle:
Thank you

- Thanks

Miles:
Am I keeping you up?

I'm keeping you up, aren't I?

Excuse me, no, sorry

It's work Honest

That must be tough, you know,

going to school and working at the same time

It is, but I don't

have much of a choice

How about you?

Miles:

Work? Not really

I mean, I lifeguard in the summer

But I don't work

during the school year

Gabrielle:
And saving lives

at the beach pays all your bills?

No, it doesn't,

I'm on a scholarship

Gabrielle:

Really What kind?

Academic

Wow Didn't realize

I was on a date with a brainiac

Yeah I'm full of surprises

Yeah? I don't know

if that's a good thing or a bad thing

You can decide later

Waiter:

Ready to order?

I'll have a nine ounce steak

with a loaded baked potato,

and can you cook it medium?

- Waiter:
That's great

- Yeah

I mean, make it two

Thanks

- Cheers

- Cheers

Hey, baby, why don't come back here

and tryout my jackhammer?

Yeah where you goin',

don't you know mustache rides

are free?

Eat this, a**holes

Yeah, keep walkin'

ya stupid whore

Sounds like you boys

need a lesson in manners from

The Menstrual Avenger!

Male cartoon character: Manners? I'll eat you

and your manners for breakfast!

What's up?

Guys:

Ah!

We'll see, we'll see

I guess it does

look a little bigger

Benny

So, how'd it go?

First base, second base, third?

Oh come on, Miles, on a scale

of one to ten, how'd it go?

It was the best ever

What? You f***ed her? Nice!

So you were just bullshitting

with the guys out there?

That was a nice touch

Okay, uh, you got the picture?

I didn't even touch her

I didn't even kiss her

She gave me

a peck on the cheek, though

What? Oh, that's f***in' gay

Did you at least remember

to tip her chaperone?

I can't remember having

a more fantastic time

Well gee son, I'm so glad you and your

little lady friend had such a peachy time

Oh, we're going out again

Yeah? So you'll f*** her next time

You can't hoink every broad

on the first night, that's what I always say, huh?

Sure, whatever, I don't feel

like talking about this

Sure, whatever Why not?

No, I don't think

she's the right girl for the contest

You don't think

she's the right girl for the contest?

Fine You know

Don't f*** her then

Go f*** one of those

Chinese pandas

Frankly I don't give a rat's ass

who you f*** anymore

as long as their last name

starts with an "X"

Miles, f*** we need it soon,

I can't take the stress no more,

I'm up to two packs of Rolaids a day,

I think I'm getting an ulcer

- Cleaver

- What?

I'll get an "X"

Which "X"?

I don't know, but I'll find an "X"

Okay

- Okay?

- Okay

All right? But it's late

- Okay

- And I'm tired

- Okay

- Okay?

- Okay

- Okay

Okay, I'll see you at breakfast

Okay

So you didn't even feel her up

- Okay

- Okay

Hey, Ben

Hi, you

You smell good

Really? I showered

after my workout

You look totally different

Did you get all new clothes

over the weekend?

What, these old rags?

Nah, I've had this 'drobe forever

Ben? Sorry Here

Miles

Hello, Fran

She's not ready yet

Okay, I'll, uh just wait out here

Come on in

Maybe if you time it right you can walk in on her

when she's about to pee

You're never going to let me

live that down, are you?

You're lucky she likes you

Fran:

These are my friends, Abby and Stacy

- Miles:
Hi

- Hi

Hi!

Hey

Hello

- Are you okay, Miles?

- Miles:
Yeah!

Fine, it's a nice day

Fran:

You look pale

No Pale? No I'm good

I'm good

Gabrielle:

Sorry I'm late

Miles:
Hey, no biggie

Don't worry about it

- We should go, though We should

- Okay

- Yeah

- Did you

- Yeah Hi, yeah

- Oh! Okay

See you guys later

# Love came from behind

# And opened up my eyes

# To a world of rainbow skies

# Oh, I thought I'd never find

# I'm not the nicest guy

# But this chick blows my mind

# And her smile makes me high

# She makes my heart cry

# Love bent me over

# Tore out my insides

# Filled me up with her goodness

# Now I'm a one-chick guy

# I'm a one-chick guy

# Oh, I'm a one-chick guy

# Oh, I'm a one-chick guy...

Miles:

No

- No, Gabrielle, that's amazing

- Thanks

You can call me Gabby now

Hey, Benny I might be

bringing Gabby back here tonight,

her roommate's a bit of a ball buster,

so perhaps you could make yourself scarce

and not be here?

That would be nice

And where the hell

am I supposed to go?

Did you ever think

that for just one second

I might be bringing

a girl back here?

No Okay, listen

Here, there's $10, $20

Go see a movie

Go see a couple of movies

Huh? A couple of movies I gotta run

Hello No, Wendy, he isn't here

I don't know, he's, uh

He's gone right now

but he'll be back later

And uh, I won't be here,

I'm going to be gone all night

Yeah, okay Bye

Picnic basket right

Miles:

Holy crap

Gabrielle:

I should go

Miles:
Please don't leave

I have no idea what's going on here

No You need to sort this out

And I gotta go

Wendy, what are you doing here?

Are you here for Ben?

Do you know that I was actually

stupid enough to think that you might have liked me?

Yeah, listen, Wendy

Wendy:

Don't "Listen, Wendy" me

You're happy

you got your f***, right?

Wendy, it's not like that

Wendy:

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