Pigs Page #6

It's exactly like that, a**hole

You had your fun and you don't care

who gets hurt

God, I can't believe I was so stupid

I can't believe I liked you

I can't believe I baked you a pie

Man:

You're going the wrong way, honey!

What just happened?

Some of your stats

coming back to haunt you there, Miles?

Not now, Ben

Yep, you love women, don't you?

You love the way they look

You love the way they f***

But as soon as you blow your load, that's it

The love affair's over, isn't it?

Okay, who blew their load?

Miles You got the "X"

Cleaver:

Miles and Xeropopolous sittin' in a tree

F- U-C-K-I-N "X"!

"X"!

Cleaver:
Don't leave me hangin' brother,

give me the picture!

Okay, uh, well I looked into

those Chinese pandas

and I got some bad news

One of them turns out

to be a f***in' guy,

and the other one's been,

like, deported or something

'cause no one can seem to find her

- Cleaver

- Cleaver:
Okay, Miles

We're "T" minus two weeks

but we're still in pretty good shape

But, brother, honestly I think

you should have railed the "X" by now

Miles:

Gabrielle?

Yeah she has name,

it's Gabrielle It's not "X"

Okay Gabrielle

So when are we f***ing Gabrielle?

Miles:
Aw, Jesus Christ,

don't, Cleaver Listen

It's over, it's over Take your contest

and get out, would you?

What are you talking about,

It's not over

No! Take it and get out

What the

Oh, this f***in' sucks

You want you want to piss away

a legendary stat quest

and all that

f***in' money for some tighty

that's your call

Man, what happened to you?

You used to be cool

F***! And take that f***in' smirk

off your face, man

Cleaver:

F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***!

I'm going to assume this sabotage

is all you're doing?

She's going to find out

about you sooner or later

Miles:

I love her, Ben

Please

Miles:

I love her

Ben:

You don't even know what that is

Oh, and you do Huh?

Cleaver told me about

the crush you have on her, man

It's obvious But here's a shocker,

she's not interested in you

And no matter how much

of my cologne you steal,

or how much you swifty up your look,

you'll always be you

And you know what?

I'll always be me

You're so f***ing conceited

Miles:

Ben, she's out of your league

And you know what, the sooner you realize that,

the happier you'll be

- Hey, listen, Gabby, about last night

- Don't bother, Miles

No, listen, I have this whole speech planned,

just let me get through it Okay?

Oh, and did that girl help you write it?

Miles:
Look she was just someone

that I dated once,

but there was no chemistry

so we didn't date again

But she just sleeps in your bed

when you're not there

You don't believe me, do you?

Gabrielle:

I don't know

Listen, I'm not seeing anyone else

I don't want to see anyone else

I don't want you seeing anyone else

Miles, my ex-boyfriend

was a player

He was cheating on me the whole time

we were together and I had no idea

I don't need another guy like that

I'm going to regret this

No you won't

Miles:

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Who was it?

They hung up

Ben, I think you're a really great guy

And I like you a lot

Just not more than a friend

You don't even know Miles

I know enough

What about Wendy?

He explained Wendy

And you're okay with that?

Ben, all I care about is what goes on

with Miles and I from this point forward, okay?

We'll still be friends?

Okay

Okay, listen Ben

We've been buds all year, right?

And I hate losing friends over girls,

'cause nine times out of ten

it ain't worth it

Generally speaking

I think you're a good guy, I do,

and that's why I'm not too proud of the things

I said to you the other day

But I think you had it coming

for that stunt you pulled

Okay, that's about as mushy as I'm going to get

so you can take it or leave it

All right, now don't get

all fruity on me

Where you headed?

Dumpster, then laundry

You need anything thrown out?

- No

- No? Okay I'll see you at dinner

Miles:

Oh, and Ben?

I really do love her

Man:
Miles, you f***ing cock

Where's my f***ing money?

Miles:

F*** you

Ben:
I'm sorry, but,

I thought you had to know

It's a game He's trying to f***

the entire alphabet and you're the "X"

Gabrielle:

I can't believe this

Miles:
Silvio, I think

something died in your room

- Silvio:
Huh?

- Miles:
Yeah It's not right

It's so not natural

Your room, my eyes, they're bleeding

Silvio:

Nice underwear, f*ggot

Hey, Gabby, wh

You little f***er

Don't blame him, you evil prick

- Now listen, Gabby it's not

- You want to f*** an "X"?

Gabrielle:
You go f*** a xylophone!

Wait! Gabby, wait, Gabby

Miles:

Look, Gabby, I can explain

- It's Gabrielle to you, a**hole

- Okay, fine, Gabrielle

It's not what you think, Okay?

My feelings for you are real

Those other girls,

they didn't mean a thing to me

Oh, that's nice

I'm sorry, but it's true!

Look I threw out all those photos and diaries

to get rid of my past, for you

Then why were they in your drawer?

I don't know I mean, Ben must have

fished them out of the dumpster

F***in' weasel!

No, look, okay before I met you,

I didn't know I was such an a**hole

Okay? But I've never met

a girl like you

You're different

than any girl I've ever met

You've made me want to change

Okay, no, Gabby

God, Gabby, please

I am begging you,

give me another chance

I'm not the same guy

that did all that stuff

When I hear you talk like that,

it makes me want to puke

You're a pig All men are pigs

So do me a favour and leave me

the f*** alone

CMFU campus radio

on the all request hour

I'm sending this one out as a special request

to our buddy Miles

who's in a real bad place right now

# I can't believe that I've found

all I wanted

# In you...

You can say "I told you so"

whenever you want

# I haven't done what I have to do

Miles:

Can I come in?

No

Miles:

Is she here?

No

Miles:

Would you tell me if she was?

Fran:

No

Miles:

Come on, let me just

Look, you even try getting in here,

I'll cut your f***ing dick off

Okay, fair enough

#... to you

# How many times

# Will I say that I'm sorry

# How many times

# Will I say that I'm sorry

Hi, uh Gabrielle Xropoleus?

Fran:

Thanks

What are you doing?

The door's open

Yeah, um, Wendy the "P"

she, uh she gave me that

to give to Miles,

but since I ain't talking to him,

you give it to him

We're not exactly

on speaking terms, either

Really, why not?

You know Miles, he's just

going through a weird thing right now

Yeah, no f***in' sh*t

I mean that guy's been hoinking chicks

left and right all year,

and now he's pussying after some chick

he hasn't f***ed yet?

Come on

Doesn't make sense

It's always sad when one

of the great ones retire, eh, Ben?

Let's just hug it out

It'll be okay

Be strong

Big Eddie:

Give me my f***in' money, man!

Cleaver:

F*** off!

Ben:
"Dear Miles, I want you to know

I appreciate the letter you wrote me

Of course I accept

your apology"?

- Big Eddie:
Hey

- Hey!

- F*** face

- Big Eddie, how's it going?

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