Pineapple Express Page #7

- He's one of the drug dealers!

- He's my pot dealer.

- He's your pot dealer?

- I got it.

- Get it.

- Gross. Are you okay?

- Dale, who is this?

- He's my... Oh, sh*t. Get down.

- Dad!

What was that?

That was a gunshot.

Stop! Stop it! Stop it!

- He's with me.

- I'm the good drug dealer.

- Put the gun down!

- Put down the gun.

You a**holes

do exactly what I say...

...or I will take you outside

and f*** you in the street.

- No, don't.

- Don't f*** us anywhere.

Anybody out there?

F***ing hide-and-seek.

Say, now.

Hey, the food's still warm.

Love it.

Come on, Saul. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Yes. We made it.

We're all safe, guys. We made it.

- What are you doing?

- Get out.

Get out of my car.

I can't believe you think it's an option.

Okay. Okay. That makes sense.

It makes sense.

Come on, let's go.

It makes sense. He's right.

- Stay away from my family. Period.

- So where do we go? What do we do?

Go to the Days Inn

downtown, okay?

Use a fake name.

Garagely. I'll contact you.

I don't know who these people are,

what they're capable of...

...but I will keep you guys safe,

I promise that.

F*** off, loser.

Angie, you're a f***ing idiot.

I say that with love.

So get this:

We triangulated the cells.

They smashed one, threw the other

in the woods to try to distract us.

It took an hour for Jared to find it.

And then he said

that he found Denton's car...

...filled with all these

strange disguises.

A powdered wig,

a sombrero, leotards.

I mean, what the f***

does that mean?

Why don't I just call the Asians

and talk to Cheung?

Why beat around the bush,

you know?

Hello?

Cheung, it's Ted.

Record this conversation.

Ted, what a surprise.

What can I do for you?

Well, Cheung, my friend,

let me tell you.

You know, we both know

that you sent one of your very skilled...

... hit men over here last night,

and I and my colleague...

...made a little decoration

on our window. Should have seen it.

We painted the wall with his brain.

Painted it.

And now this Dale Denton guy?

You serious?

Just stop it, okay? Stop it or you're

asking for war. Do you want a war?

Bring it on.

You listen to me, you motherf***er!

It is on! We're coming at you

with everything we got!

It's on, so you better get your head

out of your ass...

...and be ready for everything!

You are f***ing dead!

You are so dumb.

Do you have any idea

how weak you just made us look?

Goddamn it!

Totally sweet.

Ted Jones is slipping.

We shall strike now with full force.

Your brother's death

will not be in vain.

I gotta say, I've had, like,

a lot of weed dealers in my day.

You're the coolest I've ever had.

They were all d*cks.

- Really? Thanks, man.

- No problem.

I really appreciate it.

That means a lot to me.

It's, like, you're the first guy that I ever

sold to that I became friends with.

They say, like, "Don't dip the pen

in company ink."

I'm totally glad

I dipped in your ink, bro.

Yeah.

We should get out of town.

That's probably our next move.

Just get on a bus and leave, right?

Get bus tickets.

Go to the next town.

Contact some police.

You know what I was saying?

Like, I'm totally...

You're glad you dipped your pen

in my ink.

But we should get bus tickets

and leave, right?

What?

Get on the bus? Leave?

Buy bus tickets?

I only have, like, 50 bucks.

I don't think that'll even buy one ticket.

What about your sack?

Oh, man, it's f***ing killing me.

I feel like I popped one.

No. That's unfortunate,

but that's not what I'm talking about.

I mean, like, the sack of weed.

Couldn't we just,

like, sell some weed...

...get some cash

and buy bus tickets?

- Of course, man. That's what I do.

- That's what you do. F***ing A.

Okay, so you're gonna buy tickets

for Saturday's game, right?

Okay, so you're gonna buy tickets

for Saturday's game, right?

These guys are amazing.

What the f*** do you want?

You guys wanna buy some chronic?

What's this stuff called again?

Pineapple Express.

They said it eight times.

- Yeah, but don't call it that.

- Yeah, that's not what it's called.

- Call it Banana Boat.

- Make sure you leave it at weed too.

This can be a gateway drug.

Don't wanna move on to other things.

- Cocaine. Don't do that.

- We don't f*** around.

- Don't worry. Don't tell us what to do.

- Inhale it, Chachi. Inhale it.

Who the f***'s Chachi?

- How much money you guys got?

- Come on.

You each get as much

as you can grab with one hand.

Go easy. That's a big handful, guys.

Come on.

- Keep it on the down-low.

- Don't tell anybody where you got it.

You got it from Saul... I mean, you got

it from Santiago and Dunbar.

- Go. Come on.

- Go, go. Vamoose!

You f***ing did it, man.

You are a good salesman.

You got it in you, man.

I'm about to go get some

celebratory Slushees.

Get some burritos or something.

Something to drink too.

Something good.

See you, man. Nice.

Don't move. Don't you move.

This sh*t hurts.

Don't move. What's in your hand?

It's weed. It's a joint. It's a roach.

- Right here.

- I was just smoking...

I thought it was decriminalized,

to be honest with you.

I have horrible anorexia,

and it helps my appetite. I'm so sorry.

Look, selling narcotics to my students

is not decriminalized.

- Okay. I understand.

- I'm the liaison officer for this school.

And guess what? I just saw three

students walking from back here...

...with their eyes as red

as the devil's dick. You're busted.

- On the hood. On the hood.

- Okay, okay.

I'm on the hood. Come on.

- Stand still. Stand still.

- I'm still. I'm sorry.

You better hope it's clean.

Better hope ain't sh*t on this record.

I'm gonna put my foot

up in your ass.

Oh, big sexy with glasses.

This is Officer Barbara. Requesting

an update on fugitive Dale Denton.

I repeat, requesting update on Dale

Denton. I have the fugitive in custody.

You going down.

What? What do you mean..?

Why am I going down?

What did that thing tell you?

What are you doing?

What did I tell you?

What did I tell you?

I wasn't doing things.

Why do you hate me so much?

Hit-and-run, Mr. Denton.

Hit-and-run.

Two parked cars, two nights ago.

One of them was actually

a police cruiser.

You gotta be the dumbest

motherf***er in captivity.

It's the lady cop.

They got Dale. Oh, sh*t.

So you're telling me

you saw Ted Jones...

...and a police officer

shoot somebody?

- Exactly.

- And you saw it?

- Yes, do you believe me?

- Give me a minute.

- It was a woman or a man?

- It was a policewoman. A woman.

- I think I know who that b*tch was.

- Yes. I will identify that b*tch.

Thank you so much for believing me,

ma'am. Thank you.

I'll tell you, I'll get to the bottom of it.

I'll take this badge off,

get to the bottom of it.

I don't work for the law.

The law works for me.

I been smelling something

in this department.

Keep your eyes on the road.

- Gonna get to the bottom of this sh*t.

- Stop!

Son of a b*tch!

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