Pineapple Express Page #8

Oh, no. What the hell was that?

What is that?

No, no, no.

- No. What are you doing?

- I'm saving you, amigo!

Freeze, goddamn it!

Don't even think about it!

This is an old-fashioned

escape mission, buddy.

Stop this car!

- What the f*** are you doing?

- Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t! It's the lady cop!

That's the murderer! Go!

- That's the lady cop.

- Who's that?

I don't know. They're shooting!

Oh, my God, they're shooting!

F***.

Dude!

I can't see! The Slushee!

- Turn on the wipers!

- It's not working!

Well, kick out the window!

- How do you drive with one foot?

- I don't know!

F***! I think I pulled my groin!

Get your foot out of there.

She's gaining on us.

She's behind us.

Her car's better.

- Get your leg out of there. Seriously.

- I can't.

Put it into maximum overdrive!

Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, sh*t!

Get it out!

I can't see!

Danger! Danger!

Trees! Tree, tree! Squirrel!

Hey, I can see

through my leg hole.

Nice! Look out! Tree, tree, tree!

You did it, man.

All right! Look out!

Oh, sh*t!

Turn around! Turn around!

I'm scared, Saul. I'm scared.

- Don't worry. I'm handling this.

- Do something.

All right, hold on. I got an idea.

Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Sorry!

What the f*** was that?

F***. I'm sorry.

I thought she'd just go past.

- Why?

- I don't know.

Oh, my.

Yes! Yes! We made it!

All right, man.

- Let's get the f*** out of here.

- No. What are you doing?

You forgot me, you idiot!

Come back!

Come back! Saul!

- Sorry, man.

- Thank you.

- Let's go.

- Wait. Get the handcuff keys, you idiot.

As soon as we kill

those sacks of sh*t tonight, Ted...

...l'm moving on.

Okay.

All right.

And I promise you

you're gonna be taken care of.

As sure as sh*t you will.

For now, this is what

we're gonna do.

We're gonna go to the farm tonight,

we're gonna move tonight's shipment.

Then tomorrow morning,

we're gonna hunt these guys down.

Dale, Saul, the Asians.

Every last one of them.

We're gonna f***ing kill them all.

So smile.

Shut up.

Say something in Spanish.

Go ahead. I dare you. Go ahead.

All right. Are you using protection?

- Days Inn.

- Yes.

May I have the Garagely room,

please?

- Hello?

- Hello, is Angie there?

- Dale.

- Angie?

- My God, are you okay?

- I'm good. I'm fine. I'm great.

- Are you okay?

- Yes, I'm fine.

Okay, good. I came up with a plan.

It might sound weird at first,

but just listen.

Dale. You know what? Drug dealers...

Let me tell you something.

Drug dealers are trying to kill me.

And you. And my family.

I can't believe I'm in this situation

right now because of you...

...and your addiction to marijuana.

I cannot believe I'm here.

I can't be addicted to marijuana.

A, I use a bong. It filters out

the addictive sh*t. Seriously.

B, what does that have to do with

anything? I witnessed murder.

And now I'm dealing with it.

This, that's happening between us,

this is normal.

This happens to every couple

dating for three months.

- We have to work through it.

- No.

This doesn't happen to anyone.

I should not be in this situation,

so f*** you.

You know what? It's over.

Good. Fine. Whatever. It's over.

Congratulations. Had to happen

sometime, right? Why not now?

What the f*** does that mean?

It means that you are gonna go

to college next year.

You'll get into

Godspeed You! Black Emperor...

... and the f***ing Shins.

And you'll blow a bunch of dudes

and become a lesbian...

... and I'll be here in f***ing

Clark County doing sh*t-all.

You're gonna dump me.

So, f*** it, have a good time.

A lesbian? F*** you, Dale!

You never did like me anyway,

did you?

You didn't wanna meet my parents.

I always cared about you.

That's not what this is. Okay?

I always care about you.

Why don't you ever act like it, huh?

Why do you never act

like you care about anything?

Because I'm high! F***! And it...

What do you want..? Okay. Jesus.

Call me when I can go home.

You lost it playing Bid Whist?

You pimp.

No, I'll give you more,

but you cannot gamble with it.

I know, I'm sorry about the clocks.

I couldn't remember if it was today

or tomorrow. All right, I gotta go.

I love you.

You wise-ass.

Hey, you all right, man?

That sounded pretty hectic.

I'm okay.

Let's just get the f*** out of here.

First things first.

- Don't do that, okay?

- Yeah. Why not?

Why not? Car chase, gunshots.

That clearly just happened...

...because we were smoking

marijuana.

No, man. It happened

because those kids...

...couldn't keep their sh*t

on the down-low.

In case you haven't noticed...

Which you haven't.

From what I can tell,

you don't notice anything ever.

- we are not very functional when

we're high. Which is all the time.

Well, I don't know, man.

I think I'm functioning right now.

I was, like, stoned when I saved you

with those Slushees.

What do you gotta say to that?

Well, that would be true

if you had saved me.

But you didn't save me.

She was gonna help,

you made things worse.

We're wanted

for all sorts of crazy sh*t.

Don't f***ing get on my case,

all right?

Only reason I started selling pot...

...is so I could put my bubbe

in a nice retirement home.

- She must be proud of you.

- She is proud of me.

I'm gonna become something.

As soon as she dies,

I'm gonna become a civil engineer.

I'm gonna design septic tanks

for playgrounds.

Little kids can take shits.

You idiot. What the hell do you do?

What am I gonna do?

Besides stay in my home...

...for fear that you've designed

some object I'm around?

I'm gonna be on the radio,

talking about life.

- Giving lessons about life.

- Put me in my place.

I'm gonna be designing buildings

and what's he doing?

Boring people to death on the radio.

You are an a**hole.

That's all you are. You're an a**hole.

- I'm not an a**hole.

- You are an a**hole.

I feel pretty sure

that I'm not an a**hole.

I'm, like, a totally nice guy.

I'm just as nice as you are.

So don't bring that out.

In the woods, I gave you my jacket.

You were cold and I clothed you.

How about in the park

when I said that you were my friend?

You didn't say anything back.

Well, that's easy.

It's because we're not friends.

You are my drug dealer.

There's one reason

we know each other.

I like the drugs you sell. That's it.

If you didn't sell those drugs,

I would have no idea who you were...

...and I would be fantastic right now.

Instead of looking like this.

That sounded mean.

Just hearing it sounded mean.

- I didn't mean to say...

- It's out.

Monkey's out of the bottle, man.

What? That's not even

an expression.

Pandora doesn't go back in the box.

He only comes out.

I'm sorry, man. Look...

- What are you doing?

- Here. Have a nice last meal.

Come on, man. Don't do that.

Why don't you supersize it, b*tch?

I'm sorry, man. Look, come back.

I didn't mean that.

I love you. Do you love me?

That looks great.

Hello?

Dale?

It is Dale.

Angie, I'm calling because I love you

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote