Pineapple Express Page #9

Synopsis: Lazy court-process clerk and stoner Dale Denton has only one reason to visit his equally lazy dealer Saul Silver: to purchase weed, specifically, a rare new strain called Pineapple Express. But when Dale becomes the only witness to a murder by a crooked cop and the city's most dangerous drug lord, he panics and dumps his roach of Pineapple Express at the scene. Dale now has another reason to visit Saul: to find out if the weed is so rare that it can be traced back to him--and it is. As Dale and Saul run for their lives, they quickly discover that they're not suffering from weed-fueled paranoia: incredibly, the bad guys really are hot on their trail and trying to figure out the fastest way to kill them both. All aboard the Pineapple Express.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): David Gordon Green
  Nominated for 1 Golden Globe. Another 2 wins & 13 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.0
Metacritic:
64
R
Year:
2008
111 min
6,442 Views


more than anything in the world...

...and I wanna let you know

I'll do anything to make it work.

I'll do anything.

I've had a near-death experience,

and when that happens...

...you can prioritize your life,

and you are it, okay?

So please

just take me back, please.

- I love you.

- I love you.

- Yeah?

- I just don't wanna lose you, Dale.

We were driving away from the house

and I just kept thinking...

I don't know. I just...

I wanna marry you.

I made a mistake.

- What do you mean?

- I've...

- What?

- I'm just processing that last bit.

- You wanna... Oh, f***.

- What?

I don't know.

I realize now

that if you would take me back...

...then you are very naive

and immature.

You don't see what a f***-up I am.

I'm in no shape to be dated by anyone.

- You're the one that's immature.

- I'm not immature. You're immature.

I am somewhat immature,

but you're more immature. I'm older.

Just because you're older.

I lost my virginity

when I was 1 4 years old.

- Really?

- How many girls have you slept with?

- Like, two and a half.

- Two and a half?

What is a half? Your hand?

No, it was the tip or I dipped a ball in.

I can't remember why.

I remember thinking,

"This doesn't count as a full point."

If I said three, I'd feel like a liar.

I was drunk.

Screw you.

Get me out of this room.

I will, and that's the last

you'll ever hear from me, okay?

Oh, thank goodness. Okay.

Belogus. Faye Belogus.

Lookit there. Lookit there.

Do you use the pool over here?

Yes, I use the pool. Come on,

what do you want from me?

Your grandson. We need you to get

on the phone with your grandson...

What are you talking about,

my grandson?

You told me you wanna sit down,

play dominos with me.

And now you're hocking me

about my grandson.

- Is that Yiddish?

- Yes. Yes, it is.

May I call you Faye?

You can call me Faye,

but I'm gonna call you a stinker.

Hey, Mrs. Mendelson.

What do you want from me?

Bubbe. Hey, guys.

- Well, look who it is.

- Hello, baby.

Damn.

Oh, sh*t.

Sorry, Betty.

They kidnapped my grandson.

Yeah, these two guys came in...

...they sat down with me

to play dominos.

I never saw them in my life before.

And they kept asking questions

about my grandson.

- What did they look like?

- One of them was very tall and sloppy.

And the other guy,

he was very good-looking...

...but he was short as sh*t.

But the worst part was...

...that my grandson came in,

why, and in pajamas.

- You gotta find my grandson.

- Do the best...

- Do you promise?

- I promise.

Absolutely.

You've got something there.

I believe that's a mole, ma'am.

You sack of sh*t. Do you know

what a pain in the ass you've been?

No, man. I don't wanna get out.

Who gave you that lollipop?

Let's go.

Where am I, man? What?

You guys started it, man.

I don't even wanna be here.

Sh*t. Did I do that?

Hey, hey. All right, okay.

F*** you, man!

- Stand back. Ted wants him alive.

- Why you holding me back?

Ted wants him alive, okay?

I should be kicking

his f***ing teeth in.

- lf anybody's gonna beat him, it's Ted.

- I look like Hamburglar.

And the Elephant Man.

Like someone f***ed you up

with a coffee pot.

Professional. Professional.

- Professional on this, b*tch.

- Whatever, man.

- Where were you?

- I was there.

- Supposed to be my partner.

- I was there.

No, you wasn't.

How did this happen?

I take the hit?

That's how it's gonna be?

F*** all this, you know?

Get him out of here.

Take him downstairs.

Get this a**hole out of my sight.

I don't wanna go near this guy.

What's down there?

F***ing rancor?

I might act tough...

...but I got a lot of feelings.

And you hurt damn near

every one of them.

This ain't over.

- You know you gonna die, right?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna kill the f*** out of you.

I hope you enjoy these last

...because when Ted gets here,

he's gonna be like:

"Kill that motherf***er."

I'm gonna kill your motherfucking ass.

Watch your head.

Hey, watch him.

Oh, my God.

El Dorado.

The legends are true.

Look at all this weed, man.

What's that? Purple Granddaddy?

- Come on.

- Purple Nurple?

OG Kush?

OG Kush.

It's the most beautiful thing

I've ever seen.

- What kind of irrigation..?

- Shut up.

- Can I touch it?

- Come here.

Hello?

Red?

- Red?

- What the f***?

Get out of here, man.

I didn't do sh*t, Denton.

Look, I come in peace, okay?

I'm not here to fight you again.

Good.

Because I'm tired, man.

Not feeling so hot.

You don't look great.

They shot me, Denton.

They got me right here.

- Yeah?

- Right here.

And then they got me again

right here.

Look, man, I'll call 91 1 right now.

They'll save your life, okay?

- You don't need to die.

- No, bro.

You don't get it.

It doesn't really matter where I'm at.

If I'm at the hospital, if I'm here...

...Ted's gonna find me, man.

He will.

And when he does,

he's gonna f***ing kill me.

He's just, like, an a**hole.

I couldn't agree more, Red.

That's why I've come here, okay?

You know Ted? He took Saul.

And I'm gonna get him back.

You know, like, he saved my life.

We've been on the run together.

He's a great friend. A good guy.

He is. I'll tell you that, man.

Saul is a good dude.

I was mean to him, man.

I wronged him and I can't...

I can't let it end like that.

I'm just into Buddhism

and I'm at peace with the fact...

...that me as this person,

probably gonna not be around.

Think about a hermit crab, okay?

And it's a shell, and it's like

they go from one shell to the next.

And that's what I am. It's like

I'm just a hermit crab changing shells.

Except, if you're a dick

your whole life...

...your next shell

will be made of sh*t, okay?

If you're an a**hole, you're gonna

come back as a cockroach.

Or a worm,

or a f***ing anal bead, okay?

If you're a man,

and you act heroic...

...you'll come back as an eagle.

You'll come back as a dragon.

You'll come back as Jude Law.

Okay? Which would you rather be?

Maybe the anal bead. Might...

Depending on who it belongs to.

It belongs to me.

- Then the dragon.

- Exactly.

You need to help me, okay?

Just use it, you know? Use the pain.

You'll have a second wind.

Let's get up

and go get Saul back. Use it.

- Aren't you angry at Ted?

- Yeah, I'm really mad at him.

What do you wanna do? Don't you

wanna get up, do something about it?

Maybe that would be cool

to do to him.

I don't think "maybe" is the answer.

I think, "Yes, I'm gonna

help you, Dale"...

...that's the answer I'm looking for.

Come here.

Ted Jones messed

with the wrong melon farmers.

Thug life.

Oh, sh*t.

Get those. I don't wanna

run them over in the vacuum...

...and shoot my face off, okay?

- I'm sorry.

I used to use this little gun

when I was a prostitute.

Don't.

Don't.

Just something quick like that.

- Don't.

- Yeah.

- Don't. You stop it right now.

- Stop it.

Oh, God.

That's a big hideout.

I can't do this. I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

I'm infected. My sh*t's all f***ed up.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote

Seth Rogen

Seth Aaron Rogen (; born April 15, 1982) is a Canadian-American actor, voice actor, comedian, writer, producer, and director. He began his career performing stand-up comedy during his teenage years. While still living in his native Vancouver, he landed a supporting role in Judd Apatow's series Freaks and Geeks. Shortly after he moved to Los Angeles for his role, Freaks and Geeks was officially cancelled after one season due to low viewership. Rogen later got a part on sitcom Undeclared, which also hired him as a writer. After landing his job as a staff writer on the final season of Da Ali G Show, Apatow guided him toward a film career. Rogen made his first movie appearance in Donnie Darko with a minor role in 2001. Rogen was cast in a supporting role and credited as a co-producer in Apatow's directorial debut, The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Universal Pictures subsequently cast him as the lead in Apatow's films Knocked Up and Funny People. Rogen co-starred as Steve Wozniak in Universal's Steve Jobs biopic in 2015. In 2016, he developed the AMC television series Preacher with his writing partner Evan Goldberg and Sam Catlin. He also serves as a writer, executive producer, and director with Goldberg. Rogen and Goldberg co-wrote the films Superbad, Pineapple Express, The Green Hornet, This Is the End, and directed both This Is the End and The Interview; all of which Rogen starred in. He has also done voice work for the films Horton Hears a Who!, the Kung Fu Panda film series, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Monsters vs. Aliens, Paul, Sausage Party, and will provide the voice of Pumbaa in the 2019 remake of The Lion King. more…

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