Ping Pong Playa Page #2

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Just goes to show you

you can never be

too careful driving.

Wait, wait, hold up, dog.

What's that supposed to mean?

Excuse me?

You just assume that just

because my moms is Chinese

that she's a bad driver?

Like she couldn't break her hand

gardening or baking pies,

some Martha Stewart.

Hey, that's straight-up

racialism, dog.

You better have

malpractice insurance.

I just read her chart.

It said

"car accident" on it.

Yeah, so?

This is for the pain.

The nurse

will sign you out.

Ow.

I'm okay.

They gave you

ibuprofen, huh?

We should make sure

you get the good stuff, okay?

We'll get you Vicodin, Ma.

Oh, wait a minute now.

People always think that,

you know, Chinese people,

all they're good at are math,

martial arts,

and mu shu pork, you know?

But basketball, hey, that was

really my thing back in the day,

you know what I'm saying?

I used to play

on the JV squad.

Booyah.

They called me

The Orient Express.

They call me The Orient Express

for more than one reason.

You know what I'm saying?

Feel me, man?

Feel that?

Actually, I don't.

Uh...

A, B, C.

A, G, C.

A, B, C.

Superstar.

Nerds.

Yeah, homeboy

was on the news last week.

Supposed to be

some kind of genius.

So when we going

to play some ball, man?

Oh, no, man.

I got that thing later.

Oh, that's right.

Ping-Pong.

When you gonna get

a bowl cut?

I'm just helping out

my moms, man.

Kick her while she's down,

why don't you?

You're in Ping-Pong too?

No, dog,

I ain't in Ping-Pong.

I'm teaching Ping-Pong.

Awesome!

I'm in that class!

This it?

Yep.

All right,

all right.

What's going on,

everybody?

Come on over.

Is it true that Coach Wang

broke ten bones?

I heard they had to

cut off her arm.

What are you smoking?

All y'all need to know is,

I'm going to be teaching

for a little while.

Who are you?

I'm Chris,

but call me C-Dub.

Are you the guy that wins

the Ping-Pong tournament

every single year?

No.

But isn't Coach Wang

your mom?

That's her other son.

Yeah, better

get that straight.

- What's your name?

- William.

Free Willy,

listen up.

Don't ask stupid questions,

and you won't get

stupid answers.

All right, the rest of y'all,

come up here real quick.

Put a check

next to your name.

Hey, what's your name again?

Felix.

F- Bomb, hey.

What's the deal

with the white boys?

Coach Wang

lets them practice here.

They're, like, pros

or something.

All right, whatever.

So what y'all

normally do?

We usually warm up first.

Coach Wang always says...

Ah, t-t-t-t.

Don't just stand there

and tell me about it.

Step to it.

We're done.

20 forehands

and 20 backhands each.

Well, good for you.

Now do another 20.

Make that 30.

Aw, yeah.

What's up, playa?

Oh, I see you got

your eye on that.

So what's the holdup?

Aw, man,

you can't just run up

and start

humping her leg like a dog.

You got to be

like a tiger, man.

You got to stalk the prey.

You got to wait for it

and then...

bam,

pounce on that.

Yeah, I feel you

on that, man.

I feel you.

Hey, what you up to, man?

Joe put that issue of Hellboy

on hold for me.

Aw, man, I got to work.

On Saturday?

Work sucks, man.

Oh, I forgot.

You wouldn't know.

Ah, it's like that, huh?

I help you out

with your Chinese homework,

and this is how

you repay me?

Don't worry.

When I'm making my millions

in the exploding China market,

I'll be sure to cut you in

on a little RNB.

Yeah, you better.

Oh, hey, keys.

How long?

Brother's car

is still in the shop.

Later.

Take care of my baby.

My rims keep shining,

and my paint keeps chipping.

My rims,

m- my, my rims keep shining.

My rims keep shining,

and my paint keeps chipping.

My rims,

m- my, my rims keep shining.

My rims keep shining,

and my paint keeps chipping.

So glad you came by.

Well, I was

in the neighborhood.

I wanted to step in

and check on things.

Just give him

a few more days.

He's starting to practice

a little already.

Well, everyone at the ATTF

will be happy to hear that.

It's always a treat watching

Michael defend his title.

About the sponsorship...

We can talk about it

once Michael's recovered.

And I hope Mei

is feeling better too.

Just goes to show you,

you can never be too careful

when driving.

Excuse me.

How much are these?

'Cause I'm kind of

in a hurry.

Well, I can see you're busy.

I'll call you later.

We'll see you soon.

Hey, I ain't the rude one.

Cheryl Davis

is the regional director

of the table tennis federation.

So? It don't give her the right

to perpetuate

racial stereotypes.

What do you want?

Ma, I don't know

if I can teach that class.

That's not

what I'm talking about.

It's boring, man.

I ain't trying to coach

no Bad News Bears.

Come on, man.

It's not my thing.

Make Michael

teach the class then.

Hey, I play sports,

not games.

The Chinese, we're the masters

of Ping-Pong.

You always say

Chinese this and Chinese that,

but all you want to do

is play basketball.

Do you see any Chinese people

playing in the NBA?

As a matter of fact...

China!

Man, are you still trying to

play in that stupid tournament?

Everything's always stupid

to you, isn't it, Chris?

That's 'cause I know you, man.

You just want to go

to that dumb-ass parade.

I can see your future,

and you are not going on a date

with Miss Chinatown.

It's not about

Miss Chinatown.

You just love

the Miss Chinatown, though.

Well, at least

I've got standards.

Is that what you're calling

the Ten Commandments these days?

There are only eight, Chris.

You find an Ivy League graduate

who's over 5'6",

can sing, run a six-minute mile,

and look good in a bikini,

and is interested in you,

there's still

something wrong with her.

You think that's why I play

in the tournament every year?

Does Yao Ming

like Chinese food?

Oh, my God,

you're so stupid.

Listen, genius,

this is how it works, okay?

I play in the tournament.

Then I win the tournament.

Now, all the Chinese parents

out there,

they get really excited,

and they put their kids

in our classes,

which Mom teaches.

Then they buy

the gear in our store.

And ultimately, that gives us

money to pay for the Wheaties

you stick up your ass

every morning.

It is Marketing 101.

Wow, did you come up

with that yourself?

Shut up.

Chris, you need to get a job.

And I'm not talking about

hawking cell phones

at the mall, okay?

I'm talking about a real job,

so you can make

some real money

so you can move your ass

out of the house

and maybe just stop living

over the garage

like some sort

of yellow Fonzie.

There's some admin work

over at the hospital.

All the time I've known you...

No, I ain't going to work

in no hospital, please.

Well, dude,

figure it out, okay,

'cause I'm tired of hearing it

from Ma and Pa all the time.

Well, now you know

how I feel.

No, I don't, 'cause this

is not my fault, Chris.

Hey, this whole effed-up

situation is your fault.

Oh, please, elaborate.

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