Ping Pong Playa Page #3

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You're just

a terrible driver, dog.

Ow.

That was going in, man.

You ever see you drive, huh?

- At least I got a car.

- Ma!

Yeah, call for Mama.

"Stop. "

Ow.

Yeah, homey.

You don't think if I was 7'6"

like Yao Ming,

that I wouldn't be dunking on

fools all over the place, man?

I mean, even if I was just 6'6",

you know?

I mean, and not to say that

if I was black or white that,

you know, I'd be the next,

you know, Kobe Bryant

or Manu Ginobili,

you know, but...

all I'm saying is that I'd be

at least a Moochie Norris,

you know, or at least

a Mark Madsen,

at the very least,

you know?

Chinese people

are just not meant

to be tall, man,

you know?

We're good at badminton,

fencing, stuff like...

I don't know.

You know, like gymnastics

and, man, Ping-Pong.

Ah!

Man, we should be running

some ball right now, feel me?

I feel you.

Take it from me, man.

Unless you want to become

the Chinese Napoleon Dynamite,

get out of Ping-Pong.

Got it?

Got it.

I'm just here

'cause my moms is hurt.

Otherwise, I'd be taking it

to the hole, man,

crossing fools over.

Did I ever tell you about that

championship game at district?

Man, it was awesome.

There was this

half-court shot, man.

It was like football field

delivery, man.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Chubby, let me show you

the backhand serve.

Ah, hey, I got this.

I got this.

Sure thing, coach.

Free Willy, man,

you working too hard, man.

You don't need to swing it

like a baseball bat, man.

Just chop it, all right?

Thanks.

That's awesome.

Teach me too.

Class is over, F-Bomb.

What did I tell you anyway?

You better start working

on your jump shot.

Please?

I'll give you $10.

Whoo!

Game over, man, game over.

Again. Again.

Aw, come on, man.

I got to get going.

Please?

All right, you

talked me into it.

Yes.

You have a reputation for being

sort of hard on the children.

Why is that?

Look, I'm just trying

to keep it real, all right?

I'm trying to teach them

life lessons, you know,

so they don't have to go

through all the pain

and humiliation and suffering

that I had to go through,

you know what I'm saying?

What do you mean

by "suffering"?

You know, man, you think

my parents supported my dream

of becoming the first

Chinese player in the NBA?

Man, hell, no, man,

it was always about, you know,

"Go study, hit the books,"

man, "Go play violin. "

And you feel that held you back?

Hell, yeah, man.

I mean, dude, look at

my one Chinese brother, man.

His parents made him play the

accordion for ten years, man.

Look at what happened to him.

What happened?

Homey's in tech support

now, man.

It hurts me, dog.

It hurts me.

I'm sorry.

Don't touch me.

Aw, yeah.

Hey.

What you doing?

Man, I'm just trying

to holler at some honeys.

Feel me?

You mean that girl?

Hey, don't point like that.

That's not a honey.

That's my sister.

For real?

Damn, man, all this time,

why didn't you tell me

your sister was a hottie?

Ew.

Hey, she isn't

one of those girls

that only dates white boys,

is she?

You want to help

a brother out?

Okay.

Just tell your sister

about Ping-Pong class

and how cool your teacher is

and stuff, all right?

All right.

But don't be obvious or nothing.

Just tell her, like, you know,

how your day went and all that

and your teacher

just happens to be

this really cool guy; got it?

Oh, good-looking too.

Don't forget that.

And good at basketball.

Got it.

All right. My ninja.

My ninja.

I want it.

You deserve it.

A- Train, hand over that PSP

and go with B-Diddy over here.

Hey, what did I tell you about

eating dried squid in class?

Man, you got

to take that outside.

That's him.

He's awesome.

What you doing, dog?

That's Henry.

He's from Manila.

Yeah, so?

He said he's better than

everyone at Chinese school.

That's why he doesn't

take Ping-Pong here.

I said you could beat him.

Come on, man.

I got a class to teach, man.

Plus, you know I haven't really

played in a little while.

Please?

I'll give you some money.

Ooh.

What if I lose?

You can still have it.

All right, hold up a second.

Free Willy,

Adam.

What you doing, dog?

Don't you know that "boba"

is Chinese for "boob"?

You know why?

You drink enough of it,

that's what you're

going to get, man b*obs.

Is that what you want?

Is it?

All right, you're going

to be my scorekeeper.

Watch and learn,

all right?

All right.

Game over, sucker.

Kablamo!

We showed him.

All the way back

to Chan Marino.

You got any more friends?

You got to rock

to the rhythm with 'em.

Got to give it to 'em.

Got to give a lot more

than the minimum.

Rock to the rhythm

with 'em.

Got to give it to 'em.

Got to give a lot more,

more, more.

Yo, wake up,

wake up.

It's a new day now.

Side step, right, left,

move when I break down.

How I get down?

Make 'em all sit down.

Either that or have them

hurrying to skip town.

Yeah, you're just like

good tobacco,

'cause I just put you

in my pipe and smoked you.

There you go.

Yeah, hey,

time to go to bed, old man.

Thanks for your business.

A pleasure to serve you.

Who's next?

That's it.

That's it?

Come on, man.

That's like barely 40 bucks.

Man, where are

all your rich friends?

You got something to say,

come say it to my face.

You're a real boon

to the sport of table tennis.

You're using your mom's class

to hustle suckers.

What did you say

about my mama?

All he's saying is,

maybe these students

deserve someone

a little more qualified.

Oh, you know,

all right, let's go.

Come on, what you want

to play for?

Please; whatever happened

to playing for sport?

All right,

you know what?

I got a few minutes

to kill.

Booyah.

Take my coat.

Oh, that's a bad China word.

Okay, first to 11 wins.

Skunk at 7.

- Come on, C-Dub.

- Do it. Booyah!

Two more points.

I think I smell skunk.

Smells pretty good to me.

Sorry, chum.

I got some more important

business to attend to.

Oh, he's walking away.

Gee, I'm shocked.

F- Bomb, finish up

with this fool.

Can we switch scores?

No.

Hi, how you doing?

Hi.

Yeah, I seen you around.

You play Ping-Pong?

Are you the instructor,

the guy that's been stealing

my brother's allowance?

Oh, wait, wait, hold on.

No, no, no.

You got the wrong dude.

That's the guy you want.

That kid?

He's like a Ping-Pong prodigy

or something.

- I'm serious.

- Really?

Yeah, he was on the news

the other day, man.

News lady said he's, like,

a genius or something.

Okay, thanks.

I like, I like,

I like cereal.

Don't put the box away;

I'm about to have me some more.

My favorite kinds

was made by Meneral Gills.

Big spoon, big bowl,

I got minimal spills.

I ain't finished

about yet.

In a minute,

I will.

While I'm

getting my cartoon,

it comes

from cinema thrills.

I be watching Master Killer

chomping 'Zilla Vanilla.

Maybe grape, that's the one

that had the purple gorilla.

I crunch,

Chumpster Hunch Munch,

watch the Dukes

doing stunt jumps.

Christopher...

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