Play the Game Page #4

Oh, no, no,

this... I... I...

There's no explanation

necessary.

I'll just let my

imagination run wild.

It's my girlfriend's.

I'm sure it is.

I was beginning to think I was

the only late-night washer.

No.

You know,

there's fewer people.

No waiting for machines.

No one finds out you're

a cross-dresser.

That too.

I'm David.

Hi, David.

It's nice to meet you.

Uh, custom dictates this is

where you jump in

and you tell me your name.

But somehow you

already know my name.

When I woke you up, you said,

"Thanks, Julie".

Julie.

Yeah, of course.

No, I... yeah,

when I, um...

Yeah, no, actually now,

we have met before.

Really?

Where?

I'm a little hurt

you don't remember.

That's right.

Oh, my God, silly.

We met at Victoria's Secret

when you were buying

that beautiful bra.

Actually I buy

my lingerie mail-order.

It's more discreet

that way.

Smart.

So... where have we met?

Football

a couple weeks ago?

That's right.

You were Mr. Trivial Pursuit,

trying to stump me.

Well, um, it's nice

to meet you, David.

Nice to meet you,

Julie.

Boxers or briefs?

Um...

Oh, I forgot.

It's panties.

Boxer-briefs.

You?

Actually, um, right now,

I'm commando.

Wow, impressive.

I know.

All right, um,

Ernie or Bert?

Ernie.

I never really had a thing

for long, yellow, oval heads.

I see, you're partial

to the squashed,

orange flat heads.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Oh, me too.

Snickers or Milky way?

Oh, neither.

The Curly Wurly.

It's the most

amazing candy.

I have to

import it from...

- England.

- England.

Wow.

What are the chances?

Interesting.

Okay.

Guess it's time to

bring out the big guns.

Shoot.

Top or bottom?

Well, you weren't

kidding.

Um, top.

You?

Bottom.

Hmm...

Yeah, I always,

always start

brushing

my teeth on the bottom.

Your teeth?

What did you think

I was talking about?

Oh, my gosh,

that is terrible.

What kind of girl do

you think I am?

Oh, come on,

that's not fair.

Who said anything about

playing fair?

I'm gonna

go to the bathroom.

Touche.

Aah!

Oh, good,

the dryers are done.

Oh, perfect.

That's weird.

My clothes are still wet.

Weird, mine, too.

Ah, I hate these machines.

I guess we'll

have to run 'em again.

Oh, well.

I think being

a graphic designer

helps me to be

more creative.

It sounds like a really

cool, rewarding job.

I'm jealous.

Well, I'm sure being a car

salesman's pretty rewarding.

I mean, I'm sure you've

helped a lot of people

buy their first car

and given them a huge

sense of independence.

Oh, it's not like that.

Why not?

It's a big game.

I read people's

insecurities,

I make them think

they're getting something

they don't deserve,

and then I convince them to

spend more than they should.

Can't you just sell them

a car they can afford?

I could, and then my dad

would fire me.

Ahh.

Yeah.

Well, isn't there any other

job you'd find rewarding?

Probably.

I was actually

studying to get my masters

in health-care administration,

and then right before

I finished,

my grandmother died,

and my grandpa

sort of fell apart,

so I had to buy him a condo

in a retirement community.

Oh, yeah,

I know how that is.

We had to put my grandma in

a retirement community

for the same reason.

She just couldn't

take the isolation.

Yeah.

Anyway, to afford

the mortgage,

I had to go back to

selling cars with my dad.

Well, why didn't your dad

just pay for it?

Well, my dad left my mom

and me when I was eight,

right before she died,

so my grandpa and him don't

get along all that well.

Or at all.

But when I needed the money,

my dad really came through

for me with the job.

How'd your grandfather

like that?

Well, he got all upset

because he thinks my dad's

a bad influence on me.

He's probably right.

And we stopped

talking for a while.

I have been looking

for these for weeks.

They're, uh, gift certificates

to my girlfriend's

favorite restaurant.

Unbelievable.

They expire on Sunday

and she's out of town

until Monday.

That sucks.

Hey, you know what?

She's not gonna

use them.

There's no use

letting them go to waste.

Would you like to go?

That's so nice of you

to offer.

Just make sure

you take somebody

who really appreciates

good food.

You know...

Thanks, David.

It's really

nice of you.

Well, that's it for me.

Well, David,

it was nice to meet you.

Again.

It was nice to meet you.

Hey, uh, Julie.

Yeah?

Have a good night.

Good night.

So did you come up with

a reason to see her again?

I found out her favorite

movie star is Rita Hayworth.

I already talked to the girl

that plans movie night.

You're a genius.

As soon as the movie arrives,

I'm gonna call Edna...

No!

No, Grandpa.

You have to wait

until she calls you.

Take it from the genius.

Well, it sounds

like the genius

just stuck his big, fat

head up his ass.

In my day,

no respectable woman

would ever call

a man, ever.

Well, it isn't

your day anymore.

The rules of the game

have changed.

Oh, applesauce.

You're all wet.

Trust me, Grandpa,

I know

what I'm doing.

I finally met that girl

that I've been after.

Did you find out her

favorite movie star?

That one works

like a charm.

No, I stole her panties.

You what?

What kind of

sicko move is that?

Is that how I raised you?

It was a fair trade.

I planted a pair of jeans

in her laundry.

Oh...

so now you're

wearing the panties

and she's wearing

the pants.

Oh, great.

Stupid, dumb,

idiot plan.

- How were your steaks?

- Oh, delicious, thanks.

Could we pay

with these?

Of course.

Enough already.

I haven't left my damn room

in three days.

Hello.

Uh, hi, Edna.

It's Joe.

Hello, Joe.

I'm glad you caught me.

Um, I was just

running out the door

to the store for

some milk.

Well, uh...

I... I... I see that...

that "Gilda"

is playing on Monday,

and I know that Rita Hayworth

is your favorite,

and I wondered if, uh,

well, it might

be good

if, uh, if you

wanted to, to see...

see that talkie with me,

if you wanted to.

It's at 2:
00 on Monday.

Well, let me

check my calendar.

Well, Joe, um...

I think I'm free.

Oh!

I'll see you then.

Okey-dokey.

Your package is here.

Well, hello, Mr. Trivia.

I have something that

I think belongs to you.

Wow.

You cross-dressing men

just can't help yourselves,

can you?

Yeah, they were cute,

but they didn't fit.

So... hey, did you find

a pair of my girlfriend's

jeans in your laundry?

Mm-mm, no.

- You didn't?

- Mm-mm.

Are you sure?

They were, uh, blue

with red flowers on them?

No, but if they turn up,

I'll let you know.

Sorry, I just got a call.

I've got to go into work

today, Dollface.

I'm off like

a bride's nightie.

Oh.

David, this is my

boyfriend, Paul.

Paul, this is David.

David is the only other

person in the city

who does his

laundry at night.

Oh, David!

Yes, it's an absolute pleasure

to make your acquaintance.

Oh, and thanks dearly

for the lovely prezzies

of gift certificates.

Charlie Trotter's

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