Play the Game Page #5

has an absolutely scrummy

fish and chips indeed.

Glad you enjoyed them.

Well, I've got to run,

you little minx.

I'll see you later tonight

for a little more

crazy Muskrat love?

Okay, yeah.

Mmm!

Uh, well,

I guess that means

you'll have to entertain

me today.

Are you free?

Um, yeah.

All right, cool.

I'm... I'm just gonna change,

and I'll be right out.

Okay.

Thank you for inviting me

to the movie, Joe.

I had a lovely time.

It's my pleasure.

I love a good

talkie.

Oh, me too.

Rita Hayworth was

wonderful in this.

Yes.

Yes, she was.

You know...

uh, Edna... I, uh...

I... I... I like...

spending time with you.

I mean, I like...

well... you.

Oh, Joe,

I like you too,

very much.

- Oh.

- Uh-huh.

No, wait a minute,

wait a minute,

there's more, there's more.

Not... not only does

she have a boyfriend,

but he's, like, 50 years old,

with gray hair,

lousy teeth,

nasty BO, and a bald spot.

- Are you serious?

- I'm serious.

Ha-ha-ha-ha,

very funny.

All right, enough.

So what's my strategy?

Ah, buddy-buddy

all the way.

Yeah.

What the hell is

buddy-buddy?

If Julie knows

that David wants her,

she's gonna avoid him because

she doesn't wanna feel like

she's cheating

on her boyfriend.

But as her buddy,

I'm not a threat,

so we get to spend

quality time together.

Before she knows it, she's

more attracted to me

than her boyfriend.

And that is

the end of the story.

Uhh!

No, it's not!

David, you need to grow up.

Don't you realize that girls

know when you're playing them?

Don't ask me how,

but they do.

They know.

And you!

I am so fed up

with your crap.

You're gonna have to decide

if you wanna be a divorced

bachelor with him

or a husband to me.

All right?

What about making that

Wednesday night laundry gig

a regular thing?

What, so after a big

Tuesday night

of wild muskrat love

with her antique

British boyfriend,

I can help wash the evidence

out of the sheets?

No, thank you.

- Hemorrhoids.

- Ahh.

Preventing hemorrhoids.

It lowers the "G" forces

on your tushie.

Joe taught me that.

So, um, what home

do you guys live in?

Oh, we're in the Lakewood

Retirement Community.

Are you serious?

My grandma lives there.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm... I'm always

going to visit her.

Really?

I didn't know that.

Yeah, her name's Rose.

I know her.

Now I see where you get

your good looks.

We'll all have to

get together some time.

That would be wonderful.

Um, David,

did you know

that Joe is a wonderful

kisser?

Um, no, Edna.

I did not know that.

Oh, yes.

Your grandmother

taught him well.

I can't wait to find out

what else she taught him.

So...

how long have

you two been dating?

Oh, no,

we're not dating.

No.

David, he's... he's like

a brother to me.

A brother?

You mean, like a brother

from Kentucky, right?

That way, you guys

could fool around, right?

Ahh!

Why are you getting yourself

all worked up

- over this one girl?

- Why?

I don't know,

I don't know.

Because she's...

she's cute and...

and I kind of like her,

and I'm blowing it!

Would you just please

tell her how you feel?

- Trust me on this one.

- No!

No, what I gotta do is

turn things up a notch.

Rob, are you interested in

playing a little

poker tonight?

No.

No, I can't.

Carrie and I

are spending some

husband-and-wife time

together.

Playing Scrabble.

Please tell me "Scrabble"

is code for having sex.

Actually,

it's just Scrabble.

I got the girl to

show another

Rita Hayworth

talkie tonight.

You interested?

Oh, let's just have

dinner instead, Joe.

Is that okay?

Joe?

Rose.

Joe... Joe!

So nice to

see you again.

Well, hello again.

I met your

granddaughter the other day.

She and my grandson

are close friends.

Like brother and sister,

she said.

Well, if they're

brother and sister,

then that should make us

their grandparents.

I suppose it would!

Imagine, all this time we've

had the same grandkids,

and we didn't

know about it.

Imagine that.

Joe, we're going to

be late.

Yes, we're late, too,

Rose.

- Late for what?

- Late for what?

I... I... I'll see you

at the family reunion.

I'll bring

the potato salad.

Okay.

You've been dating

three weeks?

How come you

never told me?

Ah, we just started

getting serious

and I'm really into her.

Well, I'm sure

she's into you, too.

I don't know.

You know, it's tough

to tell.

Wait, you've never

talked about it?

Oh.

Hey!

Amanda, come here.

David, she's beautiful,

she could be a model.

I know, she is a model.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Amanda, this is,

uh, Julie.

Oh.

It's so nice

to meet you, Julie.

I've heard such nice things

about you.

How are you?

- Hmm, good, I'm good.

- Good.

I hope you're hungry.

Edna's tired of

kissing me.

Aw, I'm sorry, Grandpa.

I told you you

shouldn't have laid it all

on the table like that.

You can't let them know

your true feelings so soon.

Why does she say she doesn't

wanna see you anymore?

She wants to

see more of me.

Oh.

Well, what's

the problem then?

She wants to

see all of me!

She wants me to perform

with her.

On stage, I hope.

In bed.

Well, does she

know that

you can't... you know?

Are you kidding?

No way.

She assumes

I'm a virile young man.

Are you sure

she assumes that?

If she finds out the truth,

it'll get around

the home in hours.

I'll be the laughingstock

and I'll never find anybody.

I just wanted some

companionship.

I can't believe

this is happening.

I can't believe

my grandpa's

getting more

action than I am.

Mmm!

I broke up with Paul.

Oh, Jul,

I'm so sorry.

How are you doing?

What happened?

Seeing you with Amanda

really affected me.

It did?

Yeah, I just... you guys

seemed so happy together

and there was so much

passion.

I got a little jealous.

You did?

I realized there's no passion

with me and Paul,

and I realized why.

Because he's 60?

No.

Because I think I'm interested

in someone else.

Really?

Yeah.

He's funny

and smart and cute.

But he just started seeing

someone else,

so I don't

know what to do.

Just tell him.

Really?

I don't know,

it's complicated.

- There's...

- What are you afraid of?

Just be honest

with your feelings.

I'm sure he likes you.

David... you are the most

amazing friend

a woman could ever ask for.

Yeah.

You're so right.

I'm gonna tell him.

As soon as I walk

into work tomorrow,

- I'm just gonna tell him.

- Whoa, work?

Yeah, he works in

the media department.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

So... oh, so he

works with you?

Well, I told you it

was complicated.

Do you think

I shouldn't do it?

I don't know.

- Why are you asking me?

- Why?

I saw you at the bar

with Amanda

and those other women,

you ladies' man, you.

Those girls said you

were quite the player.

I'm a player?

No, I don't mean it

in a bad way.

That's why it's

perfect we're friends.

'Cause now you can help me

with this stuff.

Yeah.

She called me a player.

Ooh, some nerve.

I actually thought

she was gonna break up

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