Play the Game Page #7

No.

Your grandmother

was my first love,

Edna was my last.

Not a bad run

for 84 years.

But now...

I'm done with love.

I'm done, it's over,

I'm ending it.

All right, will you stop

talking like that?

I'm not gonna

let you kill yourself.

Who's killing themselves?

You think I wanna

spend my remaining days

sitting on some park bench,

talking about my arthritis

with some old biddy?

What do you mean?

What about looking for

companionship?

I just got

a new start on life

with those pills.

They're like

bottled erections.

Once this word gets

around the home,

the babes are

gonna be begging for me.

David...

I'm the man now.

I'm a player.

I'm dope!

No, you are a dope.

You're the one

who convinced me

that I was missing out

on something,

and now that

I finally find a girl

that I kind of really like,

and you flip over

to the other side?

Circle of life.

I started out as

a baby sucking on a breast,

and by golly, that's the way

I wanna end up.

I just don't understand.

David...

Grandpa's horny,

and he wants to have

some fun.

That's... that's...

that's horse feathers!

No, that's tight.

That's damn tight.

So tell me...

how did things

go with your young lady?

Perfect.

I hit on all sixes.

That's my boy.

Just like your grandfather.

And I know exactly how

we're gonna celebrate.

Barkeep, a barrel

of Viagra for me

and a case of condoms

for my friend here.

Hi.

Thanks.

Um, come on in.

I'm running late for work.

So I didn't get a chance

to say good-bye

to you the other night.

Yeah, I walked home.

I didn't think you'd be

offering me a ride.

What?

Of course I would have,

why would you say that?

Because your car

ran out of gas.

Yes, it did.

Good point.

I really enjoyed myself

the other night.

Yeah, me too.

You wanna do it

again sometime?

Sure.

What are you

doing tonight?

Oh, uh, David,

I didn't think that

you meant right away.

I just meant, you know,

someday.

I just don't think that

it would be good for

our friendship

if we made that

a regular thing.

Do you?

No, no, no,

no, of course.

No, I didn't wanna make

it a regular thing.

I just thought

you might wanna

go out to dinner tonight.

Really?

Yeah, no, of course, no.

The friendship

comes first.

Oh, I'm so glad

to hear you say that.

I would go out tonight,

but guess who

left me a message?

Who?

The sexy guy from work.

Yeah, he wants to

go out tonight.

But I should wait

to call him back, right?

Just play it cool?

Yeah, oh,

totally, yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Whoa, look at that,

I should go.

Well, do you wanna

have lunch instead?

Yeah, great.

I'll see you later.

So I'll just

come by your work?

Mm-hmm.

She's the one.

I'm sorry, David.

That sucks.

But like I said, you either

know when you meet her

or you know

when you lose her.

So, obviously word

of your prowess

is out on the street.

Oh, yeah, my phone

won't stop ringing.

I've met three chicks

already.

Well, Grandpa,

that's the bee's knees.

Yeah, but none of them really

lit my fire, you know?

Grandpa, you're

a retirement-home gigolo.

I'm no longer

a one-woman guy.

I'm a wild stallion,

and run free I must.

You said companionship

is the only thing that...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, so what are you gonna

do about your situation?

I have no idea.

No idea.

I'm lost.

David, maybe this isn't

the right girl for you.

I mean, maybe...

maybe she's not...

She is, Grandpa.

She is.

She's my companion.

She's special.

She's different.

Maybe that's the problem.

If she's so different,

maybe you should use

a different strategy

than you've used before.

David, if you wanna win

the game of love,

maybe you should stop

playing games with women.

Hmm.

I have to go to work.

Do you have to

leave already?

You... you never get to spend

time here anymore.

Stay, please.

I'm sorry, Grandpa,

I really can't.

Thanks.

I'll see you soon.

Is that a smoking jacket

you're wearing?

Oh, yes, indeedy.

A few of the girls pitched in

and bought it for me.

You like?

I don't know.

You know, as much

as I hate to admit it,

ever since Carrie...

how should

I put it?...

put my balls in a sling,

life has been nice,

you know?

I mean,

don't get me wrong.

I... I... of course,

I miss living

the wild bachelor life

vicariously through you,

but, uh... and of course,

you know, I miss...

I miss my balls, you know?

But it's been, you know,

it's been kind of fun.

In fact, you'll like this.

The other night, Carrie took

me out to the club dancing.

Um, after we played...

after we played Scrabble.

I'll take it, but without

the navigation system.

I said,

I'll buy the car.

Okay.

Just step into my office.

I'll be one...

Hey.

Hey, you ready for lunch?

Yeah, um, I just have

a customer in the office,

and then I'm all set.

All right, cool.

Well, I will just

browse around

and pretend like

I can actually afford

some of these cars.

All right, uh...

Um, you know what?

Before we go,

I... I need to...

I gotta talk to you.

If it's about

the other night...

No, no, no, no, no,

it's, um...

it's... it's

more than that.

I haven't been completely

honest with you

about my feelings.

David, excuse me.

Yeah.

There is a customer waiting

for you in your office.

I'll be there in a moment.

They are ready

to sign contracts.

I said, in a moment!

Just...

Sorry.

Um...

I'm interested

in you...

more than a friend.

Romantically.

I've been interested in you

since I met you

at the football game,

and since we've

become friends,

what I initially thought

was gonna be

a passing thing has

turned into much more,

and I wanna be with you.

Because...

I think I love you.

I love you, too.

But...

...not in the same way.

Why?

We're good together.

Look, I...

wouldn't be honest

if I said that I haven't

thought about you romantically,

because I have.

But I just don't

think it would work.

Why not?

David, I insist that you...

Let's talk outside.

Hey!

You leave that customer

waiting one more second,

you're through.

Get your hand off me!

Why won't it work out?

I just don't think

you're my type, David.

What?

Why not?

I'm looking for

someone who's sincere

and up-front

and open with their

feelings, and that's not you.

I'm being pretty damn

open with my feelings

right now, aren't I?

It's bigger than that.

I mean, how long

have you felt this way?

You've never even

said a word,

never even hinted at it.

For the first time

in my life,

I have spilled my guts out.

I have never

done that for anyone.

Doesn't that mean

anything to you?

Frankly, David,

what I think it means

is you've tried

everything.

Now you're desperate.

Look, can't we just

get past this?

Our friendship is...

I'm not interested

in a friendship!

Okay?

I never was!

That's good to know.

Nice.

So that's it, then?

Great.

That's just great.

It was nice

knowing you, David.

Ugh!

I want you to

gather your stuff

and get out

and not come back.

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