Pocketful of Miracles Page #8

You're sure the count

ain't talked to nobody?

Count Romero? He don't get

a chance to talk to himself.

When the judge runs out of gas about

cowboys and Indians, Queenie sings.

- Enough already! Please!

- You ain't heard nothin' yet.

You should see the way Annie looks at

her daughter - like she was a banana split.

Hey, boss, those two kids better

get married, or else they're gonna bust.

See? I told you guys.

Helping that old doll...

it kinda gets me, right here.

You know what I mean?

You know, boss, it gets me too.

Only higher.

I hate to tell you where it gets me.

And I'm gonna tell you.

You're playin' with your darts,

and you're happy with the banana,

but me, I'm scared.

Three days and nights we're waitin'

by the phone. Darcey ain't called.

You know what that means?

I can feel the bullets.

Darcey's gotta knock us off now,

or we're done.

All right. I don't complain. No.

You say no bullets. All right.

You say no guns. All right.

No bodyguards. All right.

You say don't lock the doors. All right.

It's crazy, but I've been with you

for ten years. I'll go along for the ride.

But not this. I'm not gonna sit here,

sweat, feel hot lead, and at the same time

listen to that sugar-coated malarkey about

the beggar woman and her daughter.

That's all! Finished! Done! Goodbye!

That's Darcey.

I wish I could worry like him,

but I don't know how.

Talk.

Aw, for cryin' out loud.

It's Annie's butler.

That's the bum from the Boer War.

Now what?

Yeah?

I'm sorry to trouble you, Mr Dude,

but the count just asked me

to telephone the Spanish consul.

- What does he want to talk to him for?

- I don't know why.

But I did hear him say

that he was tired of sightseeing

and he wanted to meet some people.

- Joy Boy, how's your Spanish?

- As good as my French. They both stink.

Junior, did you learn anything

from Spanish Lena?

Spanish Lena was a Hungarian.

Don't nobody know nothin'?

And where's Queenie?

Put the sucker on. I'll fade him myself.

It's open.

Hey, you're Darcey's boys.

Mr Darcey don't never send "boys".

- Mr Darcey wants to see you.

- We were waiting for his call.

Why don't you make yourself at home?

And you were worried!

Hello? Hello?

Soy el conde de Romero.

Por qu no fue a recibirme?

Very sorry.

Nobody home. They all go far away.

They all go... California.

Lots of sunshine in California.

So this Japanese houseboy.

So sorry. Ooh, very sorry.

No, I'm very sorry, they're not home.

Ooh, very sorry. No, I'm very sorry.

They're not home. Nobody home. Just me.

OK. Bye-bye.

That's very good, Mr Moto.

Now let's go do some business.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Where is Little Switz?

- We'll take you personal.

- Yeah.

But first I have a little personal business.

I wanna stop off and buy my apple.

You ain't stoppin' nowhere.

Mr Darcey's through playin'. Up!

You, fancy-pants, over there.

You, Mr Apples, over here. Turn around.

- Turn around! Up! Up!

- All right, all right.

- Hey, your hand's bleeding.

- Oh! Argh!

- This way, gentlemen.

- We'll tie 'em, lock 'em in the bathroom.

When he gets his apple, we'll be back

to pick you up. Now get in there! Move!

Wait. Lock 'em in the closet, Joy Boy.

They may just wax the bathroom floor.

- Yes, sir?

- I am Seor Cortez, the Spanish consul.

- The Spanish consul?

- Yes.

- Is Count Romero to be found here?

- Well... I don't believe he's in just now.

- So if you'd care to leave your card...

- Seor Cortez?

Seor conde.

Count Romero will receive you.

It has been very difficult

for me to locate you, Count Romero.

This is most confusing.

I just had your office on the phone,

and your Japanese houseboy

assured me you were out of town.

- Japanese?

- S.

What would I be doing

with a Japanese houseboy?

- That is what we were wondering.

- Very strange.

- May I?

- S, s.

It is my impression that there's

something peculiar about Mrs Manville.

- Mrs Manville? Peculiar?

- Yes.

I've telephoned several society editors

and they know nothing about her.

- I would be very cautious if I were you.

- Of what?

- Father, I resent these insinuations.

- You did not even meet me at the pier.

Believe me, I was there.

But an official told me

you were having difficulty with your shots.

Shots? What shots?

A gentleman from the immigration

service said you could not land

because you had contracted

a peculiar disease.

And later, the ship's captain told me

you were a guest of this Mrs Manville.

Seor, I had no trouble landing.

I am in perfect health.

You are a most confused man.

When I try to reach you on the phone I find

your confusion has spread to your staff,

where a Japanese listens to Spanish

and answers in pidgin English. Caramba!

Seor, give the gentleman his hat.

Very well, Count Romero. But in taking

my leave, let me add only this.

That a bellboy in this very hotel

assured me that this penthouse

is permanently leased by an American

novelist named Rodney Kent.

Is this the way our diplomats conduct

our affairs? Questioning bellboys?

Good day, sir. This episode

will raise some eyebrows in Madrid.

- Rodney Kent!

- It's ridiculous.

For years Louise has corresponded

with her mother at this very hotel.

- If I may, sir?

- S, s.

Thank you.

- Rodney Kent does live here.

- What?

In these books, sir. See?

Pulitzer Prize winner.

The judge - Judge Manville -

writes under that name.

Ah. Ah!

- After the fashion of Mr Mark Twain.

- And O Henry, Father.

O Henry. S, seor. Yes.

- I trust this confidence will be respected.

- Of course.

Thank you.

Tea is served, sir, on the terrace.

Now, what are we gonna do after tea?

- What does the count like to do most?

- Well, he rides a bicycle a great deal.

Six- day bicycle races.

Great. I'll call for tickets.

Oh, dear Count, I have

such a surprise for you.

We just decided to go to the six- day

bicycle races at Madison Square Garden.

- But we'll not be here for six more days.

- Hi, everybody. Just came to say hello.

And... buy one of your delicious apples.

Oh, here we are. You see, Count,

it's sort of a family joke.

I always feel that

these apples bring me luck.

What a charming idea.

I have the same feeling about onions.

- What is it, Hutchings?

- A journalist to see you, sir. Second call.

That guy out there is a reporter.

What provoked the curiosity

in this wretched scribe?

- He requests a biography of Mrs Manville.

- Absurd.

Brother David, perhaps you

can handle this inquisitor?

Don't worry about a thing, Judge.

Everything's taken care of.

- What's the pitch, Brisbane?

- From the society desk at the Star.

I wanna do a feature

on Mrs E Worthington Manville.

- She's not in the Social Register.

- Not in the Social Register?

Or the phone book,

not even the Yellow Pages.

Did you look under M's?

Look, I'm tired.

The Spanish consul called my editor...

- Say, aren't you Dave the Dude?

- What is he talking about?

Sure. I seen you around

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