Police Academy Page #4

Please take your seats.

I think you'll find there's plenty of room

for everybody.

Thank you.

First of all, I'd like to say how sorry I am...

that everybody could not make it today.

For those here...

I think you'll find

the presentation interesting...

as well as very stimulating.

Could we have the lights turned down?

Now this first slide...

shows a very...

very interesting thing.

Our main building.

In slide two...

we see...

another view of it.

Oh, my God! You wouldn't believe it.

Let us look at this slide

for a moment without comment.

I think it speaks for itself.

Could we have the lights, please?

I hope this was as much fun for you

as it was for me.

Let's have lunch, shall we?

And, maybe, smoke a cigarette.

Good speech.

What do you intend to do about Mahoney?

What's he done?

I'll tell you what he's done.

Yes, sir?

He did a very bad thing.

To whom, sir?

To whom?

Yes, sir.

Well, I don't know.

Are you all right, sir?

No, not really. May I go?

- Of course, sir.

- Thank you.

You're welcome.

Left, right, left.

From now on, part of your training

will be to ride from time to time...

in actual squad cars

with actual police officers...

in actual situations.

And you'd better actually

keep your mouths shut.

And your eyes and your ears open.

Say, Mahoney,

why don't you ride with me?

Well, move it!

Lt. Harris, I've changed my mind.

I want to be a cop.

Never, punk.

- Why not? All I have to do is behave...

- Get out of this car. You hear me?

Git, Mahoney! You get out there

and you follow me.

You stay right behind me, punk.

How I love a ride in the country.

Officer, can you get my kitty-cat

out of the tree?

No problem, ma'am.

No, wait!

What the hell is this?

I'll be right back.

What the hell is going on down there?

Move it!

A**holes.

You, give me that bike!

Come on, move it!

This is official police business.

Move it. Move it out of there. Let's go.

Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt it.

Oh, my God!

Someone call a veterinarian!

Your new hat, sir.

You told no one?

Not a soul.

I need to talk.

That's terrific, Hightower, but...

it's 2:
30 in the morning.

- The driving course is tomorrow.

- So?

I haven't driven a car since I was 12.

Really? You're kidding.

If I don't pass this driving course,

they're going to kick me out of here.

Harris said so.

All right, let's go.

Sleeping is for fags.

First thing we got to do is steal a car.

Copeland's should do.

Okay, your turn.

Now you got to remember

to drive defensively...

or offensively depending on your needs.

Let's go.

Comfy?

- No.

- All right.

Let's just move the seat back a little.

On second thought, let's just rip

the front seats out and sit in the back.

Actually, I was kidding

about the front seat. But this is good.

It's different. Comfort's important.

Put it into first. Right. Little more.

Okay, you can go a little faster now.

Yeah, you're doing beautifully.

You feel it? You feel what's going on?

You can even turn off

the windshield wipers.

Yeah, that's it.

Okay, now there's another car.

You didn't hit the brakes!

You didn't tell me to.

You idiot!

You bastard! You dumb sh*t!

- Why don't you pull over and let me drive?

- No, not now.

This is fun!

- Pull over.

- No, I'm getting out of here.

Holy sh*t!

Attaboy, Hightower!

I taught him everything he knows.

Not bad.

Miss Hooks, you're next.

Hurry up!

Thanks, Mahoney. You saved my life.

- Maybe someday you'll save mine.

- Any time.

You're next. Yellow line.

What is it?

She ran over my feet!

I'm sorry. I really am.

Sorry? You dumb, fat jigaboo!

Sh*t.

At ease, Hightower.

He didn't mean it. He was joking.

Don't do that!

If you don't stop, you are out of here!

I am warning you!

You messed up big, mister!

Now you get your stuff,

and you get out of here right now.

Git!

Attention, applications

for motorcycle service...

should be turned in

at the administration building by Friday.

One down, several to go.

Copeland, get out of that car.

It's got to be Mahoney.

I know.

Come on.

Out of all the people I thought

would make it, Hightower was the one.

I mean, if all the cops looked like him

there'd be no crime at all.

I'm getting sick of this place.

How you doing, Ma-homo?

Don't fool with me now.

I'm not in the mood.

You wrecked my car!

No, Hightower did. Why don't you

go see him? That'd be a matchup.

Because we want you.

Okay, how about 12:00 midnight?

I'm talking right now, Mahoney.

Let's go. You throw the first punch.

A cadet could get thrown out

for hitting another cadet.

Really?

I thought you wanted to get thrown out.

Here's your chance.

Mahoney, I'm gonna rub this

right in your face.

On your mark...

get set...

Who threw the first punch?

- That's all I want to know.

- Barbara did.

That's right, sir.

Then he's out of here.

Him and his queer dog.

Wait a minute.

Barbara didn't throw the first punch.

- He did so.

- I threw the first punch.

You're out of your mind.

Who'd you rather have out?

Is that true, Blankes?

Did Mahoney start it?

Yes, sir. Mahoney started it.

Then, Mahoney, my little pissant...

you are out of the academy forever.

Get your stuff.

And get out.

Too bad, so sad, bye-bye.

Does the radio bother you?

I could turn it down.

Here, I brought you an apple.

Thanks.

My God! Here, take this!

Free TVs!

Everybody, there's a riot going on!

My livelihood! You ruined me!

Hi. Want a ride?

No, thanks.

You two hear the news on the radio?

A riot's broken out downtown.

How come?

Who knows how these things get started?

Attention. All cadets report immediately...

to the dormitory parking lot

in full riot gear.

This is not a drill.

- Jones, was that you?

- No, man.

Let's go.

Get out of those doors! Move it!

Let's go. On the bus.

This is it.

This is the big one.

It's time this cop met the public.

All right, listen up. Here's the situation.

There is a state of general disorder

in the Oakview section of town.

Real police are handling the problem.

We are being sent to

a peripheral safe area.

Our job will be merely to divert traffic

away from the trouble zone...

and to protect public property.

You will have live ammunition,

but there will be no call to use it.

Tackleberry, do you

understand, numbnuts?

Yes, sir.

Come on.

We are now entering

the expressway at Belmont.

Very good.

Your bus is to deploy on 16th Street...

between Fourth and Eighth A venue.

Sixteenth Street? Are you sure, sir?

Of course I'm sure.

I never forget a number.

Yes, sir.

There's nobody around.

I guess they're hiding.

All right, let's go, dirtbags!

Let's move it!

You, one block over, one block up.

You, one block down.

You, one block up. You, one block over.

Let's go.

If you have to make an arrest...

do it as quietly as possible.

It sure is quiet around here.

Fackler! How's it going?

Just fine, thanks.

- What the hell are you doing here?

- We're from the academy.

You're supposed to be blocks away.

Rate this script:2.0 / 2 votes