Police Academy Page #3

You have 20 minutes to complete the test.

Try to answer

as many questions as possible.

All right, start.

Here's the pitch.

Swung on and missed!

You know, Mahoney...

I'd like to spend the next month

breaking you into little pieces.

But I won't...

because you're bad.

You're bad for morale, Mahoney.

You look like this sweet little boy

from next door.

But you don't fool me.

You're the devil

and you're rotten to the core.

And you're ruining my chances...

of training some men

who might make pretty good cops.

- I agree, sir. I've been saying that all along.

- You make me sick!

Thank you, sir, I make everybody sick.

We're gonna pick up this telephone

and call your buddy Capt. Reed.

And you're going to help me

talk him out of this terrible mistake.

- Terrific. I'll do my part, sir.

- You're damn right you will.

This is the academy.

I'd like to speak to a Capt. Reed.

Capt. Reed? Yes, sir. How are you, sir?

This is Lt. Harris from the police academy.

I'm so sorry, sir...

Just one moment.

Hi, Capt. Reed, can I get out of here?

No? Okay.

I tried.

Capt. Reed, thank you so much.

Yes, bye.

I don't know what you're trying to do.

I don't know why you're here.

- But you'll never be a cop as long as I live.

- I don't want to be one.

Get your butt off my desk

and get out of here!

I've already told you once.

Nobody screws with me.

Maybe you'll meet the right girl

and all that will change.

Get out of here now!

Come on, Mahoney.

Harris said you had to do 100.

Here's a pair of my old sweat socks.

I wore them all day.

That should help you to get up.

You did it.

You son of a b*tch.

This is a hell of a way

to spend my evenings.

I can't even feel my arms anymore.

Hey, Barbara, come here.

Me? What?

Come on, right here!

- I want you to give me your best shot.

- What?

I want you to hit me.

- Hit you?

- Yeah, come on.

Hit me!

Do it now!

I can't.

How was that? Was that okay?

Yeah, that's good.

This weekend is your first leave

from the academy.

When you go

wherever it is you filthbags go...

do take note of how nice things are

on the outside.

Do give serious consideration

to not coming back.

Four of you have already quit.

And that's just the beginning.

Atten-hut!

Dismissed.

Heard him? Dismissed, let's go!

They'll get together for a party.

They always do.

You go with them.

Whenever they get out of line,

give me a ring.

Hi, Leslie.

Studying hard?

Where's the party gonna be

this weekend?

Party?

I don't know anything about a party.

I'm going home for the weekend

to visit my mom and dad.

Now, if you don't mind, I do have to study.

You know, Chad,

I don't think we've got his full attention.

So why don't you take his books

and throw them out the window?

My pleasure, Kyle.

Find out where the party is.

How?

Ask Mahoney.

Could I speak to you outside

for just a second?

What's up?

Is there a party this weekend?

Yeah, of course there is.

Do you want to come?

No, I can't.

I just need to know where it is.

Sorry to be asking.

Then why are you asking?

Some people want to know.

Okay. It's no big secret.

It's at the Blue Oyster bar.

It's on Howell.

How about you, Hightower?

What are you doing at the academy?

- I got bored with my chosen profession.

- What was that?

I was a florist.

- A florist?

- You know, flowers and sh*t.

I didn't think you'd show up!

I wouldn't miss it for the world!

You want to go for a walk?

Walk!

Yeah. You kidding? Of course.

- Thompson.

- Yeah?

Why do you want to be a cop?

I like to dress like a man.

Me, too.

Okay, let's go. Move it.

Two lines, right here!

First one on the steps, second one off.

I said two lines, dummy. Now step it up!

Why didn't you call me this weekend?

Well, nothing really happened, sir.

There was a party, wasn't there?

Yes, sir.

What went on?

Dancing, sir.

Mostly dancing.

Dancing?

Hightower, you're first. Let's go.

Come with me.

Ready now, sir.

Thank you.

Got him.

Tackleberry, you're next.

Come with me.

Holy sh*t!

Get back here.

- Yes, sir.

- Yes, ma'am!

Don't worry, I can explain everything.

Shut up.

Yes, sir.

Yes, ma'am.

You've been sneaking in here

every night for weeks.

What? No.

What do you think

I ought to do about this?

Well...

Sir!

Ma'am.

A police officer must generate respect

and confidence.

His or her voice, Hooks...

has a great deal to do with that.

Hooks, get up and stand right over here.

Today, Hooks.

Here is the house.

Here is the window.

And I am a burglar.

I am coming out of the window...

with a stolen stereo in my hand.

I'm coming out of the window,

over the hedge.

And you are the arresting officer.

What do you say, Hooks?

Don't move, this is a stickup!

Stickup?

I mean, police officer. Stop.

Sit down, Hooks.

Sit.

Tackleberry, you try it. Same situation.

All right.

Here is the house. Here is the window.

I'm the burglar. I'm coming

out of the house, over the hedge.

I've got the stolen stereo in my hand.

Drop that stereo before

I blow your goddamn nuts off, a**hole!

We really need to talk.

Mahoney, let me ask you a question.

Have you ever had a woman...

just throw you down

and screw your goddamn brains out?

No.

It happened to me last night.

Really? How was it?

I think...

I'm in love.

- How many girls were there?

- Just one.

Just one?

You made love to just one girl?

That's disgusting.

Yeah, I know.

Can I ask you something?

Every now and then...

you seem to lose your Spanish accent.

What's up?

Every now and then.

- Can you keep a secret?

- Yeah.

I'm not really George Martin.

I'm just plain old George Martin.

- Fourth-generation American.

- Really?

I just use the accent to get the girls.

Does it work?

He's in the gym.

You'll pay for sending us

to the wrong party.

- I'll tell him.

- Not just pushups either!

We'll get your fat ass thrown out of here.

That's a promise.

How?

You'll find out.

Mahoney isn't the only one

who can play tricks on people.

Take it easy. These ain't track shoes.

Just hurry up.

I'm as anxious to get through this as you.

I'm not comfortable in these surroundings.

Come on up.

Up here?

When do I get

the second half of my money?

When the job's over with.

That's good.

Why don't you just sit down over there?

All right, you scumballs,

Hi, honey.

Got a light?

I don't smoke.

I have a friend who smokes. I'll go get him.

Mahoney, major problem.

Well, my goodness.

Would you please just calm down

and take it easy?

I just like to do it in strange places,

that's all, okay?

Why the hell didn't you say so?

I think you'll find this academy...

one of the most comprehensive

in the country.

I could point out many features to you.

- Squeeze in here.

- In here?

- You want to do it in a podium?

- All my life.

- I'll be right back.

- Where you going?

I'm not really the customer.

The real customer will be here

any second now. Okay?

Gentlemen, please follow me.

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